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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Martin World News

Well, I was just going to rant about work today, but when the simple phrase, "Days like this are why Murphy formulated his law" about covers it, why bother?  Let's just look and see how bad everyone else's lives are...

ITEM:  Anthem came out with a list of who are the healthiest among the 50 biggest metro US areas, and Indianapolis came in DEAD LAST.  C'mon, you fat so-and-sos!  Actually, there were several categories, and the MSA included Carmel and Anderson, but there were only two out of 26 categories that they got a good score on- amount of farmer's markets and golf courses.  Yes, golf courses.  Among the ones they bombed on:

-lowest percentage of any physical activity in last 30 days
- high percentile of smoking, obesity, and diabetes and asthma
- lower in total parkland- INCLUDING DOG PARKS
-and, for God's sake, not enough tennis courts!

Now the top ten healthiest were (you can fill in the MSAs yerselves):

10- San Jose
9- Boston
8- Seattle
7- Portland 
6- Denver
5- Sacremento
4- San Diego
3- San Francisco
2- Minneapolis/St Paul
1- Washington DC.

Hmmm, I smell a liberal bias here....

ITEM:  And another list brings us the ten worst US cities in which to start a business.  This one had a lot to do with cost of living and resources available.  You can just about guess where this one is headed...

10- Anaheim
9- San Jose (but at least they're healthy)
8- Santa Ana
7- Oakland ( a visit to the A's clubhouse would tell you that)
6- Ontario, CA
5- Fremont, CA (Seeing the pattern here?)
4- And moving to the east, Yonkers
3- Garden Grove, CA
2- Jersey City (Wow, these are some surprise, huh?)

And at #1... 

And stay tuned for the "Most wanting to escape" list...

ITEM: Another list?  Why not?  Merriam-Webster added 1,700 new "words" to their dictionary this year.  Among the winners:

Net neutrality
Vocal fry (noun): a vocal effect produced by very slow vibration of the vocal cords and characterized by a creaking sound and low pitch
Jegging- a word that I just learned on Jo-Anne's blog last week
And, in a show of real class, WTF.
Thanks to AWB for leading me to this story- and the next one:

ITEM: A lawyer from Kenya wants to marry 16- year- old Malia Obama.  And he's willing to pay top dollar.  Unlike mama Michelle, which ISIS earlier this month announced would only fetch around $140 as a slave (less as a concubine, no doubt), Malia was priced at 70 sheep, 50 cows, and thirty goats.  According to  a 2001 paper entitled “Valuing Indigenous Cattle Breeds in Kenya: An Empirical Comparison of Stated and Revealed Preference Value Estimates,” that means Malia is worth to him around $30,000 just in cows.

“I got interested in her in 2008,” Kiprono said of the first daughter, who was just 10 years old when Obama won the presidency. “As a matter of fact, I haven’t dated anyone since and promise to be faithful to her. I have shared this with my family and they are willing to help me raise the bride price.”

 “I will teach Malia how to milk a cow, cook ugali (basically a big ball of cornmeal dough that you dip in stew) and prepare mursik ( cows' milk fermented in ash-treated gourds, with blood an added option) like any other Kalenjin woman.”  Wow, charmer here.   And, “as an indication that she is my queen, I will tie sinendet, which is a sacred plant, around her head.” 

Wow, she'll look like a babe in that!

ITEM:  You know, there are about a million reasons why I hope that Islam is wrong about everything.  Here's one:

A Turkish televangelist advised viewers recently that men who masturbate would have to deal with “pregnant” hands after they died.

According to Hurriyet Daily News, a 2000 TV viewer told Muslim preacher Mücahid Cihad Han on Sunday that he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah [pilgrimage to Mecca].”

Han warned the man that Islam viewed masturbation as a “haram” or forbidden act.

“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” Han opined, according to the translation provided by Hurriyet Daily News.

“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” the televangelist noted, adding that the viewer should try to “resist Satan’s temptations.”

Spock will have siamese twins...
Many of Han’s 12,000 Twitter followers responded by mocking him.

“Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?” one person asked.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” another Twitter user wrote. “The only men not having pregnant hands would be the ones without hands.”

I wonder what that means for those who use other "personal sexual devices"...

ITEM: Christian LeBlanc, a Canuck touring in Thailand, got his camera (which was in time lapse mode) pinched by an elephant.  The result:

...a perfect selfie!  The animalpocolypse is coming, I tell you!

ITEM:  Just to prove stupid crap does occur in Indiana:

Just before 1:00 Tuesday morning, police tried to pull over a vehicle heading into the town of Leesburg on State Road 15. The driver pulled over in the 300 block of East Van Buren Street and everyone inside fled the scene.

Sheriff’s deputies got a tip around 10:00 a.m. regarding one of the occupants. They took Brady Shepherd into custody after he apparently slept overnight in the gravel pit south of town.

Four people were arrested following an early morning pursuit in Kosciusko County. From top left, Santana A. Collingsworth; top right, Bruce K. Tillman; bottom left, Jordan J. Schultz; and Brady L. Shepherd. (Courtesy: Kosciusko County Sheriff's Department)
Four people were arrested following an early morning pursuit in Kosciusko County. From top left, Santana A. Collingsworth; top right, Bruce K. Tillman; bottom left, Jordan J. Schultz; and Brady L. Shepherd. (Courtesy: Kosciusko County Sheriff’s Department)
About an hour later, officers were notified that a Warsaw police officer had discovered two individuals sleeping in his personal pickup truck, which was parked next to his squad (car) at his home. Police took Bruce Kitson Tillman, Jr., 24, and Santana Ann Collingsworth, 20, into custody. Tillman and Collingsworth were arrested and preliminarily charged with resisting/fleeing law enforcement, as well as unauthorized entry into a motor vehicle. They are both currently being held on individual $10,000 bonds at the Kosciusko County Jail. (Courtesy WANE.Com)

Sometimes, the term "people unclear on the concept" seems overused, but...

ITEM:  Finally, another share with you from the spam comments file:

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how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest?

I get so much lately it's driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

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Yeah, I suggest you STOP SPAMMING ME!!!!


  1. Your remark about the A's Clubhouse made me chuckle. I used to work in the same building as the Oakland A's Management. We got free tickets all the time. The few times I went, as you can imagine, me and my colleagues were almost the only ones at the game. The hot dogs were good, though.

    1. Must have been in the Charlie Finley days... hope I'm not dating you too badly!

  2. Okay, that last one about the spam cracks me up. I had Indonesian spam-ish stuff the other day. It actually was a blogger, but I don't think she understood English very well (and her comment was about the thyroid?? Really??).

    I'll delete a comment in a heartbeat. I rarely do it, but I have no problem with it and spammers - don't bother.

    1. Me either... but I save the funny ones in my junk file until an appropriate time.

  3. Hmm No Texas state made the lists but I totally know why on the healthy list. We are all about our chicken fried steak down here!
    Spock is going to have twins. LOL!! ( Did lol make the list?)

    1. LOL probably made it a couple years back. For the record, Austin was 20, Houston 39, Dallas 41, and San Antonio 47 out of 50.

  4. It's hard to pick out the best news item here. I lean toward the dude in Kenya convinced that Malia wants to be his "queen" and cook his meals and wear a plant on her head. The fact that his family hasn't dissuaded him of the idea of raising the money for the Bride Price (I'm sure Barrack and Michelle would be thrilled to trade their daughter for a farm... you know, because they're so Rural and Just Plain Folk). In any event, when that dream dies he'll have a nice lot of animals.

    Got nothing on the stupidity of criminals.

    On spammers... they seem to be getting smarter. That one actually opened with a complaint about spammers. Oh, the irony.

    1. Just like us, Kenyans are too busy admiring that a countyman... er, an African American... is President to think out the other issues.

  5. I would have thought Baltimore would be the unhealthiest city.
    Or anywhere in New Jersey.

    1. Baltimore actually did good an 19. Nothing from NJ made the list. They probably didn't bother checking.

  6. Chris:
    D.C - #1 in"health"...a LIBERAL bias???
    NAH...that can;t be right...ROFLMAO!
    (you nailed it)

    The Kenya story...really FUBAR!

    Islam masturbation - a "handy" substitute?

    An elephant-selfie...gotta kinda poetry to it.

    I heard about that sleeping in an officer's personal vehicle...that's a SPECIAL kind of stupid, isn't it?
    (and here's their sign)

    SPAM - great for eating,..bad for reading
    (yes, rhymes nicely AND, you may quote me)

    Excellent report.

    Stay safe & sane up there, brother.

    1. IDK about spam being bad for reading... I've certainly got some laughs from it!

  7. I've been to Warsaw, IN!

    1. Me too! I stayed overnight and had Rice Krispies with warm, flat Pepsi (in the bowl) for breakfast. True story.

      (Note: Not a local delicacy, I poured the cereal before I knew the host was out of milk.)

  8. Michelle Obongo only worth $140? I don't believe it. Shoot, I'd give you three bills to keep her in Indiana. She'd be a lot less trouble to everyone that way - including the Ayatollah Obongo.

    1. Not in Indiana, she'll scare off the mice.