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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Sunday, May 24, 2015

The annual trip to Cleveland

For baseball, silly!  Anyway, here's the trip in a nutshell.

Shortly before leaving US 24 for the toll road, KC pointed out a driver who had had a turn signal on for several miles.

I noted that he was having an extreme hard time staying in his lane.  At first KC was going to hang back, but soon decided to pass him.  Turned out to be some kid, possibly under the influence, definitely singing his fool head off rather than driving, and as we passed, he again drifted and darn near bounced off our rear end.

If you remember our second annual birthday game, you'll remember the delightful story of Howard the Drunk.  We quickly decided this kid was Howard's son, and christened him Howie the Stoner.

Moments later, I and KC asked each other simultaneously, "Did you see that road sign?"  What road sign?  Well, we weren't the only ones to question it because it's available on the internet under "unfortunate names":

"WHO names a road fang boner?" I asked.
KCs friend Jessica says, "You would."
My response:

Jessica preparing to pound KC for pointing at her as he sang I Fought The Law.

At one point we decided to play "Grocery Store."  You know, "I went to the grocery store and I bought (something that starts with a, then b, and so on)".  So Jessica starts with apples.  I added bananas.  KC, of course, added condoms.  Jessica added Dog food, I threw in Ex-Lax, KC put in french fries, and Jessica put in grapes.  Stumped, I said, "Health care manuals".  KC grumbled and tried, but ended up saying, "Health Indexes," and got buzzed.  Jessica then left out Ex-Lax, and I won, and promptly retired.

Because you wouldn't want to open them in heavy traffic.
In Cleveland, they call this construction debris.  In Ft Wayne, they call it modern art.

The dude pictured above came up to a group of us waiting for the cops to wave us across the street.  Holding a wad of bills, jabbering semi-incoherently, he preached to us for a bit, crossed against the cop, kissed (literally) the hood of a car that had to stop for him, and wandered off on his merry way into whatever reality he inhabited.

 KC wanted us to pick who would hit home runs today.  I chose Nick Swisher.  As evidence the broccoli gods were with me, I pointed out this couple and said he'd hit two.  (Final result?  No hrs today.)

As we entered the stadium right at the point they were making pre-game celebrity intros, we didn't get the "free replica jersey to the first 10,000 fans."  In fact, we were told we missed them by an hour.

Cory Kluber, the Indians' pitcher.

Brandon Moss, former A's now with the Tribe.

Carlos Santana eyeing Brandon Phillips after he reached first.

Kluber's first SIXTEEN pitches were strikes.

Brayan Pena after doubling, bringing Jay Bruce to third...

...where he scored from on a Cozart single.  I told the lady behind me, "Well, we can go home now, the Reds are done scoring."  That prediction I got right.

Nick Swisher prepares to hit his first non-home run.

The weatherman, AKA Mr. Irrelevant.  Not a cloud for 500 miles.

Joey Votto doubles... but that was it.

DeScalfani had a no-hitter for three innings and one batter.

And there's Carlos Santana after breaking it up with a double in the 4th.

My first ever Genesee!  Not bad at all, but the harbinger of several future bad ideas.

And I just had to say something about Harry Corvairs.  Who ever heard of a hairy car?

 Here we see the brain trust gathered after DeScalfani gave up the tying run.  Some numbnuts right fielder named Brennan Boesch dropped an easy fly to set up the score, and became the target of every fan in the arena, whether Indians or Reds.  It was only later that we learned that this wasn't manager Brian Price coming to the mound- he'd been ejected pre-game for arguing with the second base ump about last night's game when he turned in the line up card.

Here's Billy Hamilton demonstrating once again, kids:  NEVER SLIDE HEAD FIRST!!!

QuickenLoans arena shooting chemtrails into the atmosphere, causing the 3 hour rain delay in Denver for the Rockies-Giants doubleheader.

Here's Nicky's third non-home run.

Fortunately, Price found another way to attend the game.

"And now, replacing Brennan Boesch in right field for Cincinnati... Seagull!"

Last stand for the Reds... a leadoff runner thrown out at second, game over.

So away we went, and I suggested, as I wasn't driving, we stop somewhere to get me some carry  out beer.  Problem #1- where you can drive two minutes in any direction in Ft Wayne and find a convenience store with a license or a liquor store, we drove around Cleveland for a half hour without spotting one.  So I told KC, just head on home.  He stopped for gas and says, "I have some beer in my cooler.  Do you want to get some ice?"

So off we go, and about ten, I realized the flaw in my plan is that we were crossing Ohio on the toll road and I would have to pee.  By the time we hit US 24, I was working on the end of beer #3, and about ready to shoot pee out my nose.  So around 11 PM we hit the Fallen Timbers Mall.  There was a Red Robin- at the far end of the mall, of course- and KC decided to circle around the restaurant to park.  Some fast walking later, I was relieved, and we proceeded.  And about 10 minutes from home, we repeated the process, complicated by a stop light that refused to change , to which Jessica and KC suggested that Siri (actually a Garvin) had patched into the stop light system to get revenge for all the nasty things we said about her.

And I said," I'm giving it 15 seconds and then I'm getting out and heading for the field."

12 seconds later...


  1. I took an online baseball quiz and came up as Cory Kluber. I don't know if that is good or bad.

    1. Darn good, Cy Young winner last year, leads the leagues in strikeouts this year.

  2. Chris:
    Looked like you (all) had a very good time.
    (even Scrappy...heh)

    LOVE the GIBBS SLAP...gotta have THOSE.

    And when you roll up on an "impaired" driver, what I like to do is BLOW THE HORN (long and hard)...scares the hell outta them!
    Hopefully, you can wise them up before they hit someone and ruin the day for others and themselves.
    (or they get scared, veer off the road and total themselves...job done either way)

    LMAO..."fun with signage"...your tax-dollars at work...making you laugh ALL these years!

    "Modern Art"?
    I thought we called it DOWNTOWN???

    Oh, the sights you see when being a "people-watcher", hmm?

    Genessee was never a bad brew (back in Pennsy...not as easy to come by there, though.
    Was it a cream ale? That's the best.

    (right-fielder Jonathan Livingston, I presume?)

    You didn't even have an INDIANS ballcap?
    (WTH, man?)

    CHEMTRAILS...good to know I'm not the ONLY one who knows about 'em.

    BTW, always prepare for the inevitable when you "rent"
    (other states don't have as MANY drunk-asses as WE enjoy.

    Have a great Memorial Day & stay safe up there, slugger!

    1. 1- I doubt this clown would have HEARD a horn- probably would have thought it was in the music he was playing.

      2- Downtown isn't THAT bad... yet.

      3- Not a CA, just the regular lager. The case at the booth had that, PBR, Old Style, Rolling Rock, Blatz, and Black Label. I've had PBR, Rock ( though in a can might be different- AKA not skunky), Old Style (Beer tinted water), Blatz (half a century or so ago), and Black Label (someone bought a six pack on New Years eve, threw 5 away in June), so Genessee got elected.

      4- KCs the Indians fan, not me.

      5- I thought Danny Turkette would love the chemtrail thing- gotta remember to FB it to him.

      6- Yeah, like I said, it was a series of bad ideas on my part. Still beat last years' kidney stone.

  3. As American as Genesee and Baseball!! Looks like you guys had a great time and great weather too. Glad for you!

  4. The boy (now man) and I made a trip to Cleveland several years ago. I had taken him to Pittsburgh to see a baseball game as a reward for graduating high school. As I was speaking to my brother during the Pirates game (they beat the Phillies, 3-2), he told me that since Cleveland was only a few hours away we should go see the Native Americans (is that PC enough?) play the Oakland A's. He said that, since they both sucked, we should be able to get tickets. Well, we went and I was very pleasantly surprised by Cleveland. It didn't deserve the reputation it had and we were very happy to have made the trip.
    BTW, the Native Americans scalped the A's.

  5. I don't follow sport doesn't matter what the sport is I am not interested, road trips I like but would like them more if I didn't get car sick on long trips, hell I got a little car sick on Sunday when we went to the reptile park and that was only 75 minutes from here

    1. Yep, you and I would have been a fine pair on the way home...

  6. Looks like a great time had by all!! I love all the scenic shots.

    1. Scenic? It's Cleveland, for gosh sakes!