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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, June 1, 2015

Martin World News



ITEM:First let me pull the story I got e-mailed that I forgot last time. Lorraine, take it away:


Pizzeria serves cops drug-laced pie 

Police arrest owner, who confesses to putting synthetic marijuana on pizza after officers told him to ‘add whatever toppings I wanted’ Pizza (illustrative photo credit: Yossi Zamir/Flash90)
Pizza (illustrative photo credit: Yossi Zamir/Flash90)

The owner of a Holon pizzeria was arrested this week after police discovered that the pizza they ordered was sprinkled with synthetic marijuana instead of oregano.
Police became suspicious after two of the officers from the Tel Aviv District Police were hospitalized for dizziness, vomiting and hallucinations shortly after eating the pizza.
When police returned to the restaurant several days later to question the owner, he confessed to sprinkling the drug, commonly referred to as “Mr. Nice Guy,” on the officers’ pie.
“I knew the order was placed by police officers,” the owner confessed to police. “But the officer who called in the order seemed cool — plus he told me to add whatever toppings I wanted.”
“So instead of oregano, I sprinkled some ‘Mr. Nice Guy’,” he said.
According to Cannabis, a Hebrew online magazine, a police spokesperson confirmed that the pizza leftovers were sent to a lab for further testing, but the results have not yet returned.
The magazine reported that police intend to shut down the restaurant on the grounds that it constitutes a danger to public health.
The pizzeria owner was to appear in court Friday where his remand was expected to be extended.
In 2011, “Mr. Nice Guy” and other synthetic cannaboids, which became increasingly popular in Israel in recent years, were banned; they had previously been approved by the health and welfare committee in the Knesset.


And so you added fake marijuana to a COP'S pizza.  The owners' only hope is to become a Rastafarian and claim protection based on Israel's version of RFRA laws.

ITEM:  On the subject of e-mails, I have a bucketfull of spam comments for you.  It seems somebody's bot took a liking to a post from May 29, 2012, and on Friday and Saturday it hit the poor post with some 4 dozen spams.  The first half were from Indonesia, as they translated as being Sundanese...

Krakatoa's gonna get ya for that...

Most of them translated to something like, "Dropped in to say, let me help you make..."  but never really said what they were going to help with.  Except for one, which mentioned business opportunities.   About three in the afternoon on Sunday, they switched to German text with the Sundanese link, mostly complementing what a nice blog I have... This went along for a while, then the text switched to English:


Thanks meant for providing these types of fantastic articles.

Keep up the excellent work and generating the 
crowd!

Still with the Sundanese link.  After I hit close to fifty, I finally figured out how to turn off comments on a single post and let them find something better to do.


ITEM:  Sometimes the headline says more than enough...  Like this one from the Mirror:


Have you heard the one about the Small Penis Pageant? There's a shortage of contestants



Kings County Saloon in Brooklyn ( the UK's Brooklyn, not ours)  has actually come up with this contest, coming on June 13th, "In an effort to put some pride into the petite penis arena".  

Those taking part will pose in eveningwear, swimwear and talent portions of the show, before attempting to win over the crowd in a question and answer session.

Nominations are through ShipingAD**k.com with winners bagging £325, a crown, a sash - and pride in their taking a stand for smaller men everywhere.


ITEM:  Oh, yes, and I wanted to bring Bill Nye to this forum to dissect his latest scientific postulate:

“Well, first of all, I think denying climate change is in nobody’s best interests,” Nye told Vox in a recent interview. “But I also think denying science in general is in no one’s best interests.”

“When you have people denying this basic process, and how we all got here, it’s offensive to me intellectually,” Nye added. “And I happen to think it’s unpatriotic. Article I, Section 8 of the Constitution says the government shall ‘promote the progress of science and useful arts.’”


Really, Bill?  Let's see what Article 1, Section 8 REALLY says:


Here’s Section 8 in its entirety: “To promote the progress of science and useful arts, by securing for limited times to authors and inventors the exclusive right to their respective writings and discoveries.”


In other words, it establishes PATENT LAW, not government protection for Professor Whoopie and his magic re-drawing board...


Duh, gee, Bill, yer a real idiot...


So tell us, Professor Nye, what exactly ARE your qualifications?


"I applied to be an astronaut four times, but I never got the gig, because I just don’t have the PhDs,” Nye told Vox, adding that he started doing stand-up comedy instead.

“I won a local Steve Martin lookalike contest, and I started doing some standup comedy on the side,” Nye said.


And this is what happened with his stand up career...


ITEM:  Usually I am a ruthless raider of things, but this you'll have to see for yourself.  A kindergarten teacher has started an instagram account where she takes funny quotes from students (the little kid kind) and puts them into memes.  It's called livefromsnacktime, and it is well worth the click.


ITEM: I was recently ruminating on how many pounds of pickles get wasted by people like me and Laurie, and decided to dig in.  There was a whole big survey on the subject in the UK, but here in the states I found but one list of the most wasted foods:

5- Citrus.  The story mentioned specifically lemon wedges, and I have to raise my hand as a violator on that one.

4- Bread.  I bet I'm on the good side of that, even consuming the crusts that someone in this house who shall remain Laurie refuses to eat.

3- Fresh herbs.  Ah ha!  There's one you can't blame on us!

2- Produce.  I can see that, but we are pretty decent here.  The article said celery is the main offender, and we very rarely have any of that stuff around here.

And at #1??????????


Sour Cream.  Laurie says we do decent on that, and she would be the one who would know.


The British chart is a little more general...

5- Dairy
4- Bakery items
3- Leftovers from prepared meals
2- Drinks
1- Fresh vegetables.


ITEM:  Food news from India... where a company sells Hitler Ice Cream Cones!



The newspaper (The Daily Mail) said the name of the cones is not shocking to Indians because of the lack of Holocaust education in the country.

In 2012, municipal authorities in the Indian state of Gujarat removed the sign for a men’s clothing store named Hitler. The sign — on which the letter “i” was dotted with a swastika — was removed after hundreds of complaints from both within and outside of the Jewish community.

A year earlier, an Indian network premiered a daily soap opera called “Hitler Didi,” or “Auntie Hitler,” in which the lead character is a young woman known in her locality as a strict disciplinarian who takes a no-nonsense attitude with her family.


I was going to do a bit about German Ice Cream, but if you google it, you get ice cream made to look like spaghetti, and after the spam ordeal, I've chased enough ethnicities for one post.


ITEM:  Next, the directionally challenged, part one:

The Netherlands' version of PBS was was droning a camera over an area of ponds when an Egyptian goose  (apparently a member of the Muslim Brothers' Avian Auxiliary) attacked it.



Drone 1, goose 0:

OWWWW!!! Mayday, mayday, going down!
That put a dent in the coming animalpocolypse!


ITEM:  The directionally challenged, part 2:

A 47-year-old UK lady who just got her license (which means she had a bright green "P" stuck on her back bumper to scare- er, warn- drivers to give her room) was trying to make a three point u-turn in an alley overlooking an home when her foot mistook brake for gas as her hand on the gearshift simultaneously confused thisaway and thataway, and well...



Apparently she crashed an elderly gent's birthday party, just missing going through the kitchen window and causing real damage.  How she was removed from her ten-feet high perch it didn't say.

12 comments:

  1. Hitler ice cream. really?! Some people are so stupid to do crap like that hoping the shock factor will help people buy it.
    Pretty funny about the goose attacking the drone.
    I love dill pickles!! Whatcha got against pickles?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have nothing against any pickle that gives me a wide berth. Others are liable to unceremonious burial or being tossed to Scrappy.

      Delete
  2. Thanks meant for providing these types of fantastic articles.

    Keep up the excellent work and generating the
    crowd!

    ...

    Wait, so you mean to tell me Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't a real science guy? Next thing you're going to tell me, Dr. Dre isn't a licensed medical doctor either.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As for the pizza man...one word...DUMBASS!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chris:
    I can already tell this one's gonna be a "lulu",,,lol.

    The drugged pizza?
    Another way to force blame on the po-po.
    Thank God it wasn't LSD!'
    Can't believe that Israel is that (dare I say it?) LIBERAL.
    Maybe that might change? OY!

    As for all those SPAMS about your blog...
    Kinda ROUGH being THAT "popular", isn' it?
    (I wouldn't know - my followers are so few...and American by last count...heh.

    Guess those Brits never heard of "big things in small packages"?

    Bill Nye...ROFLMAO...
    (had a gut feeling he wasn't a CONSTITUTIONAL scholar)
    I thought Nye would make a great astronaut...all he DOES is TAKE UP SPACE...
    ((groans))

    I love pickles - just don't gimme the SWEET ones (except in relish).
    And...what is celery?
    Produce - not a biggie here.
    Sour cream is ON:Y good when used in DIP...!
    (never wasted here as long as we have CHIPS to go with it)

    Hitler ice cream cones?
    What's next...Mussolini Eclairs?
    Wow...talk about some LOW-information people...they make our ghetto-flies look damn SMART (and that isn't easy).

    Goose v drone...oops!

    The UK lady waited until 47?
    Guess we know WHY now, hmm?
    Next time, hail a cab.

    Excellent report.
    Stay safe (and electronically spam-free) up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I've been reading a lot of military history... based on that, the Brit thing seems hardly surprising...

      Celery, that green thing holding the peanut butter found in elementary school trashcans...

      And yet, the Indians protested when a craft brewer came out with Ghandi beer.

      I have learned the value of sour cream on nachos and loaded baked potatoes.

      Delete
  5. There was a time when we loved Bill Nye and then we saw him debate Ken Ham. He came off as rude, pompous and condescending. It doesn't matter what you believe, that is just unnecessary. Bill is nill now.

    But don't you think we treat all celebs with a sort of unearned reverence? Then we dissect politicians when they run and overlook huge faux pas after they're elected (can anyone say Clinton?). It's totally messed up.

    I need someone to create a new political party. Are you game, Chris?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moi? Not gonna happen. When the nation's electorate decided to give Obama another four years, I put that black ribbon up at top right and vowed to bow out of politics. By and large, I have. However, I have a friend who threatened to run for president and I nominated his shi-tzu for veep. So if the Hank the Pooch for veep thing gains any momentum, I may change my mind.

      Delete
  6. Suppose it could have been worse.
    He could have CRAPPED on the pizza.
    Oh. My. I think I made myself a little sick there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How do they check for kosher poop on pizza?

      Delete
  7. Some what the hell things here Hitler ice cream and the pizza served to the cops makes one wonder what the hell

    ReplyDelete