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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Not the Martin World News... just the Martin Op/Ed

So I'm sitting here Tuesday afternoon, weighing my options on watching my sugar (Doctor:  new medicine, glucose meter, LOSE THE DAMN WEIGHT) while drinking a Pepsi (in my defense, a 20 oz bottle that I have been sipping on for the last 7 hours) and recovering from a prostate "where's Waldo" that coulda found the food I'll eat tomorrow, and reading my News 360 feed.  And it struck me, I could talk about this crap, and it might be cathartic and entertaining, and I might just stumble upon a reason to remain on this earth until my next exam in January.

So, here goes.

ITEM:  The FDA has removed "four major brands" of cigarettes from the domestic market for not being up to code.  You can decide if "Camel Crush Bold, Pall Mall Deep Set Recessed Filter, Pall Mall Deep Set Recessed Filter Menthol and Vantage Tech 13" qualify as "major brands".  Youse guys lined up at the fence in Hungary, keep lighting up.

ITEM:  Asylum seekers continue to build up at said Hungarian border with Serbia, as Hungarian forces put up razor wire discouragers and the two governments involved continue to play blind man's ping-pong with the poor unfortunates.  Can't blame Hungary:  Every country with an acre abutting Germany has also slammed the door shut, as has Germany after Munich cried uncle on Sunday.  Migrants are said to be holding up "Shame on Europe". signs.  Screw that, shame on YOU!  Go back and help make YOUR OWN nations something other then the festering holes they are, instead of abandoning ship and making someone else's country a festering hole.  The EU is now trying to demand that every member state take a quota of these people, to which Hungary, the Czech Republic, Slovakia, and Poland have said, "DIY", as they have no interest in moving from hole to festering hole status.

As these are mainly Muslim refugees (as opposed to the Christians who were left to die in Syria, Iraq, and Egypt), I say, why not stay in the lovely Muslim nations of Turkey, Kosovo, or Bosnia that you passed through on the way to Hungary?  Oh, right, they're festering holes too.  Funny how that works.


ITEM:  " Secretary of State John Kerry has made his third phone call to his Russian counterpart in the last 10 days, a State Department official said, seeking to clarify the intent of Moscow's military buildup in Syria..."  Uh, John, try looking up the years 1945-1989.  I know they didn't teach the facts where YOU went to school, so it might help you understand.  Or not.

Maybe your buddy Al Gore can help you.  He invented that internet thing...

ITEM:  "During a town hall Tuesday, Chief Executive Mark Zuckerberg said Facebook is responding to years of demand from users who simply aren't satisfied with the "like" button alone. Zuckerberg didn't confirm whether the feature would officially be called "dislike" or specify when it would be rolled out. "  Wow, maybe I found that reason...


ITEM:  GE announces 500 jobs going overseas, claims it's Congress's fault.  Oh, because taking that extra mouthful of refritos away from Pedro every week can be more efficiently done in Mexico because of Congress?  You realize when you stand before the Lord, that won't cut it as an excuse...


ITEM:  Taco Bell is moving into opening "Cantinas", serving an expanded menu along with alcohol.  Yeah, tacos AND wine?  For me, they better put Kaopectate in their fun meals.


ITEM:  "North Korea said on Tuesday its main nuclear complex was operating and it was working to improve the "quality and quantity" of weapons which it could use against the United States at "any time." "  Yeah, well when they annex Santa Barbara so they can hit the US of A with anything other than an e-mail attack, I'll get right to worrying.


"(Ass't. SecState Daniel) Russel said North Korea should "unclench its fist" and the only path open to it was through international negotiations to ensure denuclearization of the Korean peninsula."

I didn't think that's what they had clenched, but whatever.


ITEM:  Oh, yeah, and the one I forgot about from last night.  Mexico is demanding an apology from Egypt after forces hunting down potential terrorists bombed a convoy of Mexican tourists.  The phrase "Only in America" means less every day...

14 comments:

  1. CW, a note from your editor!

    GE announces 500 jobs going overseas...
    ...because taking that extra mouthful of refritos away from Pedro every week can be more efficiently done in Mexico because of Congress?


    If the jobs go to Mexico, have they gone overseas?

    Wouldn't you be better served talking about taking curry away from Amit?

    We must have the same doctor. I went to a specialist for e test last week, mentioned the struggle to lose weight, and he offered me this pearl of wisdom...

    "Eat smaller portion"

    Really? No s#!t! Did the eight years of medical school teach you that Mr. Wizard?

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Had I went Indian, I'd have used Haji in deference to Johnny Quest. Usually I use Hop Sing for China.

      Honestly, I need to eat smaller portions. My usual lunch is a pack of blueberry pop tarts, so if I could only be comatose from 3PM till 5 AM, I'd have it licked.

      Delete
    2. I need to eat them, too-I just found it funny the guy thought that in 54 years that had never occurred to me.

      Easier said than done.

      Delete
  2. I'm stuck on the cigs...
    This friend of mine used to order Vantage Menthol from this Indian shopkeeper. The Indian guy would always repeat Van tege Men thol....something is lost in the translation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just thought it was funny that they pimped the story as "major brands" instead of the truth -"Offshoots of major brands". But whadda I know, never did smoke.

      Delete
  3. Well, we kicked the cable, so it's nice to know I can get the news somewhere :) How dare they tell me I can't believe everything I hear on the internet. Where'd you hear that? hhahaa.. I make myself laugh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You may believe me... only me... BWA HA HA....

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  4. Chris:
    That's why I';m hesitant when it comes to seeing ANY doctor.
    If he.she told me to quit drinking Dr. Pepper, I'd go postal!

    Then again, I vary my tastes and mix in various teas and such...just to confuse any "ailment" my body might want to latch onto...lol.

    Oh, I NEVER smoke any of those "major" brands of ciggies...just the cheap "off-brand" ones for me.

    Agreed on the migrant crisis in Europe, too.

    Love the smack at Kerry, too...Fantasyland is ONLY in Orlando and Anaheim!

    Sorry, not into F/B (for the obvious reasons)

    Oh, to be at those Pearly Gates and HEAR the BS flow...HA!

    We have problems w/ Taco Hell already...being OPEN to all hours (when people have been doing pot or drinking)...NOW they want to ADD BOOZE on top of THAT? What are THEY smoking?

    I say we take an orbital LASER, (invisibly) heat up the Norco nukes and watch them "blow themselves" into the stone age.
    Now THAT is briinksmanship!

    Very good post.

    Stay safe & well up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shoot, we could probably conquer NK with a couple of spotlights with good batteries...

      Delete
  5. You're so right about "Only in America" and many other things, Chris. I think it's funny what a big deal is being made of the "Dislike" button. I actually imagine it will ruin relationships.

    Example: Wife posts photo with new haircut, which she is devastated by. Husband Dislikes. She files for divorce...Nothing good can come of the "Dislike" button. Smiles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'd just like the dislike option on all the "I'll bet I won't get 100 likes" cute animal pictures, all the "If you share this God will bless you/money will come your way" memes, and a certain politician who prefaces every post with a "support me and I'll send you a free bumper sticker" meme.

      Delete
  6. This hard ass bitch doesn't want these refuges here, just saying and I know many people will jump all over me and call me names but what the hell this is how I feel.

    You are right the phrase "only in America" means less and less each day as more and more idiots around the world come to light

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If "Hard ass bitch" means "woman with common sense", I'm right with you, sweetheart.

      Delete