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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Martin World News



ITEM:  First, I want to thank all y'all who commented on that last post.  Mine wasn't the only nerve it hit, and I quite literally had a run of uninterrupted comments for about 2 hours after I hit the publish button when you count the Facebook link, instant messaging, and even a text!  I know my friend is looking down and smiling at you for every one of your comments... and that she can't wait to Gibbs-slap me for the post.



Last night, I had what an old friend would have called an "epiphanous moment"... Not a revelation so much as admitting to what really bugged me... and while I have no more answers, I am back to my old self.  I told a co-worker, "It was like a big zit in my brain got popped."

ITEM:  A couple of personal updates:  One, my camera went on strike Sunday morning.  I believe it is demanding a new USB cable, and one is winging its way here now.  So new walk pictures are going to be problematic for a bit.

Second, the dreaded words I knew were drawing closer with each passing day of industrial grade stupidity finally arrived- I'm back on the 5AM to 1:30 PM shift.  I actually had my choice to start it now or next Monday, but when I confirmed it got me off the 9-hr OT thing, I said, "Sold".  One hour earlier so I can (theoretically) get something done before my co-workers come in to louse it up, plus off at 1:30?  I can deal with it.  Especially when the best way to describe today is, "We found the pooch's every orifice and filled them."  Nuff said.

ITEM:  Going from oldest up, our first story is that a website called Influencer has tabulated the most popular Halloween candy for each state (Now that's solid science!)  The results, please?

Alabama- Airheads (" a tangy, taffy-like, chewy candy" which I don't think I had heard of), and Washington as well.  Other candies I never heard of include Toblerone (Arizona), Pixy Stix (Georgia), and Swedish Fish (Pennsylvania and Louisiana).

A lot of chocolate lovers out there- they include Milky Ways (Ohio and Colorado), Twixes (DC and Iowa), 3 Musketeers (New Mexico and Delaware), Hershey's Kisses (Mississippi and Missouri), Crunch bars (Florida), $100,000 bars (Hawaii and Minnesota), Whoppers (Kentucky), M&Ms (Michigan and Oklahoma), Tootsie Rolls (New Hampshire), and Kit Kats (Montana).

Some people feel like a nut- or peanut butter at least.  That bunch include Snickers (Alaska and Illinois), Reeses in either pieces or cups (Rhode Island, Connecticut, Virginia, and the Hoosier State), Almond Joy (Vermont and Maryland), and Butterfingers (Idaho and North Carolina).

Sour/tart treats are favored in several states, including Skittles (Arkansas and Nebraska), SweetTarts (New York), Jolly Ranchers (Nevada), Starburst (Maine), Nerds (Utah), and Sour Patch Kids (North dakota and New Jersey.

(BREAKING NEWS:  Laurie knew of all the ones I didn't.  But none of them are chocolate, so who cares?)

Laffy Taffy (Wisconsin) and Twizzlers (Kansas) wrap up the chewy side.

Two states had to be difficult.  I didn't know you really considered Life Savers a Halloween candy, but California does.  And having a bit of a struggle with the definition of "candy", West Virginia took Oreos.


But the biggest single candy, hitting the top in Oregon, Wyoming, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas-

CANDY CORN!  Sorry, Bob!


ITEM: And if you cringed at Candy Corn, Bobby, you'll really hate me for this one.  Y'see it is a fact that I can attest to that squirrel can make a darn tasty meal.  However, you might want to read up on its proper preparation, lest you end up shelling out big bucks...


It all started when Khek Chanthalavong reportedly used a blowtorch to burn off a squirrel's fur on the balcony of his Holland Township (MI) apartment in October of 2012. When he went inside to prepare the carcass to eat, he left the torch unattended. According to MLive, Chanthalavong shared the apartment with then-girlfriend Barbara Pellow, who told police she only found out about the critter controversy and planned meal when she woke to find Chanthalavong screaming and battling a fire on the deck.

The fire spread, causing serious damage to the apartment complex and displacing 29 renters, though none were injured.


However, two insurance companies are not-so-politely requesting over $2 million in damages from the couple.  But if you are using a blowtorch to skin home-cooked squirrel, I'm betting you aren't sitting on that kinda money from your day job.


ITEM:  You are a police detective.  You have just received an award from Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD) for your diligence in getting drunk drivers off the road.  What is the ONE THING you shouldn't do at the ceremonies?

 Pinellas County deputy Michael Szeliga arrived at a Fort Lauderdale MADD training event in July and got pretty tanked on Jameson Irish whiskey cocktails. He skipped training, hung out at the Hyatt Regency's pool, and played a "cornhole" beanbag game with other deputies, WFLA reports. "The plot thickens" from there, says a former MADD director and anti-DUI lawyer. "It seems to be a lot worse than originally presented."

Indeed, a sergeant claimed he saw Szeliga in the hotel hallways looking "pretty drunk" and wearing "nothing but boxer shorts" during a fire alarm, and Szeliga allegedly mouthed off to a police chief who told him not to enter the awards banquet while intoxicated. According to the 274-page internal affairs report, Szeliga’s supervisor soon got him to skip the banquet altogether. Szeliga disputes some details of the account, but was suspended with pay for a day. 


Detective Szeliga has since been re-assigned to "a unit investigating crimes against children."  Let's hope he gets no awards or commendations on THAT watch.


ITEM:  You know, there are a lot of sites with a lot of time on their hands.  One of them did a survey of the top ten most "Instagrammed" foods.  Everybody's gotta get that food porn, right?  Anyway, here's THAT list:

10- Hot Dogs.  Unless you're Tony Packo's, why?????

9- Curry.  With one-and a- quarter billion Indians out there, I'm not surprised.

8- Ramen.  Yeah I know, a lot of Chinese out there too, but seriously?

7- Donuts.  Because, donuts.

If you thought it was fun to look up Christie Oreo memes, try Christie donut memes...
6- Tacos.  I'm assuming this is due to the 51% stake Taco Bell has in Instagram...

5- Brace yourselves... BACON is clear down at #5.    WTH???

4- Burgers!  Burgers!  Burgers!

3- A big fat still softly mooing steak.  Hopefully with a baked potato.

2- Sushi.  Really?  Cold dead fish?

ANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNND at #1....

mffh, mnnch, Pizza... Mnnnh....
ITEM:So let's close by checking the spam mail sack and see what we have there.  Here's a pretty young thing... what say you?

Hello! 

I need a man, who wants to build future and life with love and passion. 
In people I value sincerity and goodness. Are you noble and family-oriented man? I would be happy to meet you. 
I am a small and cute girl http://mhnkiqo.stereoview.tw with long hair and black eyes. 
Friends know me as sympathetic person, who is always ready to listen and to help. I am hopeless dreamer and I live by soul, I like to be myself. I waited for you very long and maybe we will find love. 
Goodbye, Galja. 

And no, I didn't click the link.  Next time, enclose a picture, right?

The other letter in the mail bag was a work at home offer.  Two things I have to mention here, so spammers, pay attention.

First, the letter was sent by "Connor Spence" and signed by "Alexis Burt".  Lessons here?  Number one, set your "random name picker" to give you first and last names instead of two first names.  Then, pick just ONE of them.

Second, I have to chuckle at this line, allegedly describing said job:

Just go on the internet for at least several hours a day and you will already be on your way to all of your desires in life.

I didn't know they paid you to surf porn now...

4 comments:

  1. I'd already heard about the fellow with the blowtorch and squirrel from my mom. Funny, but she said the same thing about the lawsuit. Can't get blood from a rock.

    I read your blog about your friend passing. I'm on vacation and my time is... well, crazy. I wasn't sure what to say. The minutes ticked by and then I had to go. But, I'm really sorry for your loss. It's never easy losing a friend.

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  2. Chris:
    --Glad you have a new cable on the fly to 'ya.
    They don't make 'em the way they used to, hmm?

    --I used to opt for an EARLIER shift whenever it became available...and mainly for the SAME reasons you mentioned...heh.

    --I've heard of ALL those candies (and sampled most of them.
    (Laurie and I must shop the same stores...lol)
    CANDY CORN?? You gotta be freaking kidding me!
    --Even AFTER death, squirrels will come back to HAUNT (and burn) you...one way or another, so there...ha!

    --Jameson's a decent whiskey..shame it was WASTED on such bad behavior.
    Glad his department tossed a nice-sized book at him.
    Maybe some time in remedial alcohol-related behavior classes is in order?

    --I agree with SOME of those foods.
    CURRY? (damn refugees)
    RAMEN - food of choice for MOST college students (and actors looking for the "big break"..
    DONUTS - cool (and Krispy-Kremes are too damn SMALL)
    Gimme Dunkin any day. Better yet, a good German bakery.
    SUSHI is #2? (damn socialists))
    At least PIZZA topped the list (thank God).

    --I'm getting SPAM from secret shopping, "my FBI account" that has $8.3 waiting for me (LMAO - yeah, right), and UGGS along with those sex-starved spammers from Russia (must be lonely over THERE).
    I love reporting them to the FEDS and those dot-com sites.

    Very good report.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

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  3. Gawsh, I could eat the whole kitchen now. Geez! :))

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