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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Martin World News

ITEM:  THose of you that follow us on FB already saw my bedtime shot at the caucuses- "Jim Gilmore holds a 3 vote to 2 lead over Martin O'Malley."  Gilmore, the Virginia  GOP governor (I think) who jumped in late to the party ended up with 12 votes out of 186,874 cast- a whopping .0006 percent of the vote.  Even "other" drew just one less than ten times what Gilmore racked up.  O'Malley, on the other hand, pulled 8 votes- not as many as Gilmore, but out of a total of 1,406- which gave him 0.6%, or ten thousand times better than Gilmore.

The one thing I did learn with the caucuses is that I won't be voting for Ted Cruz unless forced to by Hillary or Bernie.  Ted's people, anxious that Ben Carson would draw votes from their candidate to the benefit of The Donald, started a rumor that Ben was dropping out.  Come morning, Ted says, "Well, there was a press release that said he was going home, but we forgot to release the update which said he's going home to get ready for the New Hampshire primary."  Those of you who have heard me in my opinions on Hillary know I have no love for blatant liars, and the supposedly Christian Ted just blew his Martin Cred.  Looks like I'm a Rubio man.  Unless I'm drunk on election day and say, "WTH, vote for Trump!"

ITEM: The Daily Mirror recently ran a story on spectacularly incorrect predictions made over the centuries.  Here is a truncated version of what they came up with:

“This telephone has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication.  The device is inherently of no value to us.”  Western Union, internal memo, 1876.

“If excessive smoking actually plays a role in the production of lung cancer, it seems to be a minor one.” National Cancer Institute director Dr Wilhelm Carl Hueper, 1954.

“There will never be a plane with more than 10 passenger seats.”  A Boeing engineer, 1933, after the first flight of the 247 passenger plane.

“I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”  Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943.

“Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”  Harry Morris Warner of Warner Brothers, 1927.

“Rail travel at high speed is not possible because passengers, unable to breathe, would die of asphyxia.”  Dr Dionysys Larder,  1828.

“Television won’t be able to hold on to any market it captures after six months. People will soon get tired of staring at a plywood box every night.”  Darryl F Zanuck, head of 20th Century Fox, 1946.

“I don’t think there will be a woman PM in my lifetime.”  Margaret Thatcher, 1973.  Fortunately, she must have rose from the dead.

And finally....

“X-rays will prove to be a hoax."  Lord Kelvin, head of the Royal Society of Science, 1883.  Because scientists are always right.

Next up, three "clothes do make the man" stories...

ITEM:  Meet fundraiser Antonio Cortes, of Gloucester, UK.

Antonio was raising funds in a Superman outfit when he heard a cry for help.  A lady was being mugged, and he went up, up, and away after the guy.  He tackled the mugger and held him down until the police arrived.  Imagine what that mugger was thinking:  "Blimey, I'm off to the bloody USA, where all that'll happen is I get shot."

ITEM: In Ft Lauderdale, we could have used Superman- or his haberdasher- to capture the Butt Crack Bandit.

The stick up man used his (obviously not a Duluth Trading Co.'s Plumbers) t-shirt to hide his face during the robbery, leaving himself... well, exposed.  The robbery, it seems, occurred back in August, but CCTV video was just released to the public in an effort to crack down on this criminal.  Apparently the cops are a little behind, and weren't able to effectively tail him.

ITEM:  Our final wardrobe misfunction...

CRANSTON, R.I. — NBC 10 is reporting that Cranston's (Rhode Island)  director of senior services stepped down last week after she had a male bus driver for the Cranston Senior Enrichment Center masquerade as a woman to improve visuals at a press conference.
Sue Stenhouse, the former director of senior services for Mayor Allan W. Fung, resigned Friday, the mayor's office confirmed.

Apparently director Sue Stenhouse was launching a teenager snow shovelling initiative and at the last minute decided she needed a living prop.  Enter a Trans Van bus driver, well known enough that several people at the presser knew him and thought it was a joke.  She could find a costume, but not an elderly person.  Wow.

ITEM:  Want to know what President Trump MIGHT be like?  How about this example from the Czech Republic:

President Milos Zeman - who is known for his outspokenness - admitted in a radio interview in December he wished he could sack Prime Minister Bohuslav Sobotka. At a public meeting in southern Moravia on Monday, the president was asked how he would get rid of the prime minister, to which he replied: "The democratic option is one way, through free elections. The undemocratic option is a Kalashnikov."

The leader of the opposition party termed the statement,  "truly statesmanlike advice", And the prospective victim noted, "We are in all likelihood the only country in the civilised world in which the president calls publicly for the killing of the prime minister. "  Zeman, through his spokesman, wrote the whole thing off as,  "hysterical reaction", insisting that Mr Zeman meant to say that a free election is the only acceptable way to remove a prime minister, and that for his critics to suggest otherwise was "extremely hypocritical".

ITEM:  Finally, we have the annual CareerBuilder's list of the most outrageous excuses for being late for work:

I thought of quitting today, but then decided not to, so I came in late.
My hair caught on fire from my blow dryer.
I was detained by Homeland Security.
I had to chase my cows back into the field.
A black bear entered my carport and decided to take a nap on the hood of my car.
My lizard had to have emergency surgery in the morning and died during surgery. I had to mourn while deciding whether to have the lizard disposed of by the vet or bring the lizard corpse with me to work.
There was fresh powder on the hill. I had to go skiing.
There was a store grand opening and I wanted to get the opening day sales.
I had to finish watching “My Name is Earl.”
All of my clothes were stolen.
I was confused by the time change and unsure if it was “spring forward” or “fall back.”
A Vaseline truck overturned on the highway and cars were slipping left and right.

And that's it for this week!


  1. Replies
    1. Did you do that with an Artie Johnson German accent?

  2. Chris:

    Love that group of erroneous predictions..

    The guy in the super suit...guess clothes make the man, hmm?

    Butt-Crack Bandit...well, just say NO to "crack".

    Cranston, R.I. - not even touching that one.

    Oh, those wacky Czechs!

    Those LATE excuses...creative (and useful)

    Good report.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

    1. I think I might have flipped your BCB and Cranston comments...

  3. “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?” Harry Morris Warner of Warner Brothers, 1927.

    That should not say "Who the hell wants to hear politicians talk?" Lol

  4. I am sometimes amazed at the stupid things people say and do in life, I do not know why I am amazed I just am.

  5. Funny (?), I went to Rubio for the EXACT SAME REASON.