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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, May 16, 2016

Happy Birthday to me


Yes, 54 years ago at 4:59 PM (or 5:49, I can never remember which), I was born.  To celebrate, I thought I would share with you some of the great things that happened that same day in history- which, though great, pale in comparison to my own remarkable birth.

In 1770, 14-year-old Marie Antoinette married the future Louis the XVI, starting her on a path that would lead here to riches, fame, and a severe neck ache.

Apologies to Gotye, this was too funny

In 1843, the first wagon train set out on the Oregon Trail.  The band Lighthouse would later do a song called 1849 that contained these lyrics...

They packed a trunk full of china, a bible or two
A shotgun for Leroy, a pistol for Lou
A pretty dress for Sarah and a hat for sister Fay
No one thought their greed for gold
Would change their lives someday...

...followed sadly later by...


Was a trunk full of china all broken in two
A shotgun for Leroy that he used on Lou
A pretty dress for Sarah that they used to bury Fay
No one thought their greed for gold
Would change their lives that way....


In 1866, Andrew Johnson became the first President to escape impeachment, by a single vote.




In 1888, Emile Berliner came up with the first flat-disc phonograph record.  It was a recording of 10-year-old Keith Richards covering Lay Down Sally, I think.


In 1914 the American Horseshoe Pitchers Association was born in Kansas City, thus giving Americans something to do while drinking and before fireworks on the Fourth Of July for the next 102 years.


In 1920, Joan of Arc was canonized.  Why?  Because they didn't have cannons back in 1431, so they had to BBQ her.




In 1929 the first Academy Awards were passed out.  I think that best actor went to 8-year-old Harrison Ford for Star Wars:  The Old Beginning.  Just five months or so later, the stock market crashed.  Even then, those damned Hollywood leftists.


In 1939, the very first MLB night baseball game was played at Shibe Park in Philadelphia.  The Athletics and Indians went to the tenth tied at three when Ray Parmalee, in his third inning of relief, walked four guys- including three of the first four- the defense chipped in a pair of run scoring fielder's choices, and the Tribe won 8-3.  Cleveland would go on to finish 20 games over .500- and 17 behind the as-usual rampaging Yankees.  The A's ended up 51 1/2 games out- and still cleared the last place St Louis Browns by 13.




In 1944, the Romas (gypsies) imprisoned at Auschwitz-Birkenau defied their SS captors- with sticks and tools, they held off their execution in the gas chambers for 78 desperate days.  Salute to them!


In 1960, the first laser was fired by Theodore Maiman.    The lead Dalek was destroyed, but others adapted their shields to the new weapon and Maiman died screaming.  Oh, wait...


In 1969, the Soviets probe Venera V entered the atmosphere of Venus.  It lasted 53 minutes before becoming a smaller, crumpled version of Joan Of Arc.




In 1975, after leading his nation for the last 30-odd years, Marshall Tito had himself elected President-For Life in Yugoslavia.  He died less than 6 years later, so he could have saved the constitutional change and just got elected one more time.

Also in '75, Junko Tabei of Japan became the first woman to reach the summit of Mt Everest.  Her first words at the top were, "それは女性専用トイレを見つけるためだけに行くには長い道のりでした."*

* "That was a long way to go just to find a female-only restroom."


WTH are you sayin', Lenny?

And finally, some of the famous people who were wise enough to pick my birthday to share...

Janet Jackson
Liberace
Russian Olympian Olga Korbut
Henry Fonda
Baseball manager Billy Martin (no relation, but you could fool a person)
and Pierce Brosnan.



19 comments:

  1. Chris:
    A very HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you.
    I hope the other 364 UN-BIRTHDAYS this year are just as much "fun"...
    (gratuitous Lewis Carroll reference)

    May you enjoy MANY more, my friend.

    God Bless, stay safe and ne filled with cake up there, brother!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're too broke for cake this week... apologies to Marie...

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  2. Hey hey hey, Scrappy birthday, Chris! I'm sorry that you were too young to remember the exact time of day you were born. Cheer up. I vividly recall getting my first spanking just moments after I was delivered! I screamed, "Hell, gimme a break, people! I haven't had time to get into any trouble yet!"

    The other highlight on this date was the most important invention in human history - the phonograph record - the rock classic "Stairway to the Attic" by 13 year old Granny Clampett.

    Once again, Scrappy birthday, good buddy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But she wasn't a Granny OR a Clampett at 13...

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  3. Hey, happy birthday! We both hope it's a good one.

    I think it's safe to say that you're the coolest of all of those others who share your birthday. Yes, including Pierce Brosnan, mostly because he looks like this now.

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    Replies
    1. Without the hairy torso, it could me me...

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  4. HAPPY BIRTHDAY CW!!!! I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST DAY:)

    ReplyDelete
  5. I usually hate doing this, but...wasn't Andrew Johnson actually impeached, but missed being removed from office by one vote?
    BTW, Happy Birthday!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Got me on a technicality! For those of you wondering how a president can be impeached and yet stay in office, please adjourn to Al's blog... ;)

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    2. A lot of people forget that the impeachment is the trial process regardless of the outcome. Just had that argument with a friend with regard to Billy C.

      These days, it's a total waste-our brain dead elected officials will simply vote the party line, so you'll end up at 50/50 every time.

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    3. Much as it was back then...

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  6. Happy birthday!! Have a few drinks and do something wildly inappropriate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry to disappoint everyone, but I did no drinking and nothing wildly- nor even entertainingly- inappropriate.

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  7. Happy B-Day, CW-I am still laughing at the Morgan Freeman picture...

    Larry

    ReplyDelete
  8. First happy birthday, next thank you for making me laugh not that me laughing is a pretty sight but still no one here to see me laugh so all good

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think anyone laughing is a pretty sight. Laugh away!

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  9. I am catching up on reading my fave bloggers. Happy Belated Birthday!!!! Loved the birthday post and especially the memes. :) Thanks for the laugh today!!!!

    ReplyDelete