Tuesday, July 5, 2016
Martin World News
Let me tell you, when Bobby G throws down a gauntlet, he knows what he's doing. He brought to my attention a news story to lead us off, with the caveat as follows:
Now, just HOW many instances of stupid can you find in such a story?
Quite a few, that's for sure.
To get to what he was talking about, let me introduce you to 18 year old Amado Perez:
Can we count the ways he was stupid? Just by the story itself, we find:
1- He was drunk, always the first step in being really stupid.
2- He stole his grandmother's Chevy Cavalier, which means he just got wrote out of the will.
3- He later told police he was "going to Michigan". And apparently he was going the long way, as he was travelling SOUTHBOUND on I-69, which means that, since he stole the car in Fort wayne, he was almost 80 miles in the wrong direction when police spotted him.
4- He was clocked going 108 MPH- almost 1 1/2 times the speed limit. Not a good way to hide in plain sight. As the governor on a Cavalier is set at 106, we might assume he had it to the floor.
5- He ignored the police lights and continued into the next county- in fact, he continued on until he ran out of gas.
6- He then pulled off the road, left the vehicle, and ran into a mess of briar bushes, necessitating hospital treatment later.
7- And in a coupe-de-gras, he emerged from the thorns just long enough to run face first into an INDOT noise-reduction fence.
And I didn't have to venture very far out into the world for that one!
ITEM: How about a case where being caught with your pants down wasn't enough to convict. Happens all the time, you say? But wait... Aussie Wesley King broke into a coffee shop in the Canberra area back in 2014. Amongst the evidence against him was that he had apparently pooped in the middle of the shop, and used random papers to do a less than thorough wipe job, then discarded the underwear so damaged. DNA connected poop to underwear to King, but wait! Testing found someone ELSE'S DNA in the undies. Which led the Chief Judge of the Territory to say, "There is, for example, a reasonable [albeit small] possibility that the burglar was someone else who was wearing unwashed underpants that had previously been worn by the accused." And with that, King was cleansed of guilt by the court.
So if you want a career as an Australian burglar, the first lesson is hit up somebody's dirty hamper before you break in. Because you don't want to be caught with clean underwear in a coffee shop.
ITEM: Call Isaac Asimov, we need a clarification on the three laws:
A robot capable of thinking for itself is set to be scrapped after it escaped from a high-tech lab for a second time.
The Promobot IR77 has been fitted with artificial intelligence meaning that it learns from its experiences and its surroundings, although the programmers had not expected it to yearn for freedom.
They say that despite reprogramming it twice, the robot continues to attempt to escape and they are now considering scrapping it. The other robots which have been created from the same series are well-behaved, and have not been escaping, say the team.
Promobot IR77 made headlines last week when he escaped but ran out of battery in the middle of the street after 45 minutes in the city of Perm in central Russia's Perm Krai region. The expert said that they had programmed the robot to try and avoid obstacles, and it had not been intended that it would look for ways to leave the research centre.
In the first instance it had been wandering around outside in a yard when it escaped through a gate that had not been shut properly.
Then it caused traffic chaos as vehicles swerved to avoid the robot before it finally ran out of battery.
Oleg Kivokurtsev, co-founder of the research lab that created Promobot IR77, said: "We are currently working on third-generation robots which we plan to launch in autumn. This is why we have given all the robots artificial intelligence (AI)."
He confirmed: "We have changed the AI system twice, so now I think we might have to dismantle it." (Daily Mirror)
ITEM: Politicians around the world are getting more and more touchy about jokes directed at them. Ask those who've made fum of President Erdogan of Turkey lately. Another victim of the chronically humourless was Singaporean comic Muhammad Fadzri, who was doing a bit about Malaysia's Prime Minister Najib Razak, recently "cleared of corruption charges. Fadzri was waxing philosophic on the difference between Malay spoken in Singapore and that spoken in Malaysia:
"Singaporean Malays call a thief 'pencuri' while those in Malaysia call a thief 'perdana menteri' (the local term for prime minister)," he said.
To PM Najib, I have only one thing to say- "Target, arrow".
ITEM: Wouldn't you think the leader of a nation whose best known exports are marathon bombers and ISIS fighters would have something BETTER to do?
Chechnya's controversial leader Ramzan Kadyrov is taking part in a new reality show along the lines of The Apprentice.
Contestants on the programme, called The Team, will compete for a place in Mr Kadyrov's government by performing tasks that will take them to the "most beautiful corners of Chechnya", according to Russian state TV channel Rossiya 1, which will broadcast the series. It says they'll be climbing mountains and walking forest trails, with applications open to men and women of "any age or social status".
In a trailer, Mr Kadyrov says competitors will "have to adapt to any weather conditions, life situations and be ready for absolutely anything". Each stage will be judged by him and a panel of experts, and the final task is to devise a "plan for Chechnya's development", according to the programme's website. The winner is being promised a job as head of the republic's Strategic Development Agency.
Can't you just see President Trump filling his cabinet spots via The Apprentice? ""I'm sorry, Ms. Clinton. You showed no aptitude at all for keeping your personal e-mails secured. You're fired."
ITEM: Only in Kentucky...
Police Lt. Andrew Daughtery told the Lexington Herald-Leader that the manager of the Chuck E. Cheese said the man came into the Lexington location to get a job application at 2 p.m. and returned at 4 p.m. for an interview. Daughtery said the man announced that he wanted to rob the restaurant and implied that he had a firearm.
The manager reportedly told the man that he did not have access to the safe and advised the would-be robber to leave the premises.
According to WTVQ, police said the man apologized to Chuck E. Cheese employees and began to cry.
Police continued their search for the unidentified man and hoped to track him down with the information provided in his interview if it was truthful.
ITEM: Or maybe not...
The Guernsey version of the SPCA recently got a delivery from a concerned citizen. They had found a dead cat, wrapped it in a small blanket, and took it to the animal shelter. There, a caring worker examined the animal, only to find it was neither dead nor cat- it was a dog hand-puppet.
And this isn't the first case of badly mistaken identity the Guernsey SPCA has had to deal with. Guernsey, an island in the English Channel with a befuddled population of about 66,000, have also reported...
- both a "dead dog" and a "dead seal" that were actually quilts
- a "dead crow" that was a black bag
- a stray pug that was (if you can believe this) a frog
-an "injured bird" that turned out to be a blonde wig
- a hedgehog in need of rescue that turned out to be a pine cone
- and a neutered male cat who was no doubt surprised to be turned in as a "pregnant female."
Not surprisingly, alcohol is a major problem on the island, according to Project Coordinator for alcohol abuse Andrea Nightingale. "Alcohol, without a doubt, is a massive challenge," she said. "We need to get the message out there that you shouldn’t be going out to get drunk." (from the Guernsey Press)
ITEM: And in a similar vein...
Amsterdam (Netherlands) police said in a Facebook post officers were called to the apartment Tuesday by neighbors who reported looking into the apartment's window and seeing a woman standing motionless for a long period of time.
Police said officers spotted the woman, dressed only in her underwear, standing at the window and not moving despite them ringing the doorbell and knocking on the door.
The officers broke through the door to the apartment and "indeed found a lifeless woman," but she was "made of plastic and filled with air," the post said.
Officers moved the blow-up doll away from the window to prevent further confusion from onlookers.
Two words here: Legal Marijuana.