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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Tuesday, December 27, 2016

You said it...

I have some great commenters.  I regularly get wonderful, thoughtful comments on this blog, and I appreciate them.  But for entertainment's sake, I thought I would go back and pull some of the funniest comments of the year.  The first thing I noticed is what a piss-poor job of replying to comments.  I hereby commit to answering each and every non-spam comment- and will submit to public flogging for each one I miss (how that will be pulled off is undecided.)

But this isn't about me, it's about YOU!  And so, without further doo-doo, here we go!


1- After Scrappy made his pick of Natalie Imbruglia on the 2016 Beauty Contest, as well as a point where the lottery pot was sky high...

Bouncin Barb January 10, 2016 at 7:04 PM
Can Scrappy pick the winning powerball numbers for me on Wednesday?

CWMartin January 10, 2016 at 8:04 PM
Well, he didn't do much of a job for us Saturday..

2- After a Botany major at the Indian Science Conference suggested that blowing a conch shell was a psychosomatic cure for all manner of ills....

Al Penwasser January 13, 2016 at 11:52 AM
Blowing a conch shell?
That's one happy conch shell.

CWMartin January 13, 2016 at 4:08 PM
Get a grip, Al. Like blowing a trumpet. Think reveille for lobsters.

3- With the New Seekers taking #1 on the charts in the UK on TM week 56, a question from the peanut gallery, AKA Al Penwasser's daughter...

Mackenna Lynch January 16, 2016 at 12:19 AM
So, Coke taught the world to sing? 
What did Pepsi do? Teach it to burp?

4- After a Jeopardy contestant tried to place an Italian mountain range in Russia...

Arlee Bird February 24, 2016 at 11:22 AM

Even I know the Urals is not a mountain range in Europe, but those white porcelain things that men pee into.

5- When a prospective customer at a local restaurant nearly caused the first of many near accidents on my way home one afternoon...

Rawknrobyn March 16, 2016 at 11:21 AM
We already knew about the people of Wal-mart. What we didn't know is that these are the same people rushing to get a burrito at Chipotle.

CWMartin March 16, 2016 at 5:00 PM
Ah, THAT explains it...

6- On that SAME Martin World News post, when Corbin Bleu was listed as the third most translated name on wikipedia....

Mich March 15, 2016 at 1:01 PM
what the heck is a corbin bleu?

CWMartin March 15, 2016 at 5:08 PM
Apparently an actor of some sort. I would have thought it was a chicken dish.

7- Some people, like Jo-Anne, don't need an excuse...

Jo-Anne's Ramblings April 26, 2016 at 9:05 PM
What can one say, well one can say many things like I need to fart, but that isn't something you or anyone else needs to know and yeah that has nothing to do with the post but what the hell I am in a strange mood.

CWMartin April 27, 2016 at 3:41 PM
Well, I always thought the comments section is where my followers should feel they can just let 'er rip...

8 and 9- On a post where I introduced the new names for four newly-discovered elements...

Mich June 28, 2016 at 9:35 AM
As interesting as all of this is, I think it is also why I failed chemistry. 

(Actually I think I failed chemistry because of my propensity towards explosions and fire...)

CWMartin June 28, 2016 at 4:39 PM
I remember in HS one day we had a delay, and chem class was cut to about half usual. Of course, the bell rings and we have crap all over. A friend looks at the teacher and says, "Mr Herber, what do we do?" He says, "Repeat after me: Our Father, who art in heaven..."

Bob G. June 28, 2016 at 2:40 PM

---Ahh, so BERKELEY is actually a WASTE PRODUCT of CALIFORNIA. That explains a LOT...

CWMartinJune 28, 2016 at 4:41 PM
"---Ahh, so BERKELEY is actually a WASTE PRODUCT of CALIFORNIA. That explains a LOT."
Winner, comment of the month!

10- How we got completely off track on a story about a Chinese man who discovered he'd been declared dead...

Rawknrobyn August 10, 2016 at 12:09 AM 
...The Chen thing made me think of a joke Al Penwasser made about HRC - she looked really chubby and bad in a photo, and Al said she has more Chins than a Chinese phonebook.

CWMartin August 10, 2016 at 7:18 PM
That's good stuff, there.

Al Penwasser August 10, 2016 at 9:56 PM
And Chris Christie has more rolls than a French bakery.

11- How I got dissed by a little girl's Grandma, because I skipped a rainy first day of Johnny Appleseed...

ms nk rey September 17, 2016 at 2:49 PM
You mean Morgan is tougher than you ? she is at the Festival ya wimp... haha.. loved your photos.

CWMartinSeptember 17, 2016 at 9:55 PM
Yeah, well was Morgan walking home in the rain afterwards? I think not...

12- after using the Crab Nebula to make a point about you can't listen if all you do is talk...

Rawknrobyn October 11, 2016 at 10:26 PM
I'm not sure if you intended to be profound and poetic, my friend, but you sure were. I love this, and the Crab Nebula. (I wanted to type "crab nutella" but I restrained myself.)

CWMartin October 12, 2016 at 4:35 PM
"Crab nutella?"

13- the day a Presidential Candidate chewed me out...

Cherunda F. October 18, 2016 at 6:05 PM
I am approaching 600 electors with my alternates and yeah, Obama is mine. I have won. I cost me 32,115.00 to do what it cost Clinton and Trump to do with 8 billion. I am not fond of either white candidate. They cheat contributors of every color. Who do you want handling your tax dollars? Don't answer that. I don't think you grasp the concept.

Cherunda Fox
Fox for President 2016

CWMartin October 18, 2016 at 6:43 PM
And there she is, Ms Cherunda Fox. And I guess I did grasp her website better than I thought. She DOES believe getting on the ballot wins you the election! Thank you for stopping by, and feel free to come back often.

Seriously though, ma'am, I am not in opposition to any of your positions that I actually understood. But here's the thing- you may be on the ballot, but you don't get the electorals until the election. Anyway, good luck and have a nice evening.

Al Penwasser October 18, 2016 at 8:12 PM
Hey, she's got three followers, so she rocks.

CWMartin October 18, 2016 at 8:32 PM
That's a follower for every 200 electors...

Cherunda F. October 18, 2016 at 7:19 PM
You didn't see my reparations program that creates a minimum of 105 jobs and reparates 35 Million descendants of slaves, the 1 Trillion in Education and the Balanced Budget reducing our deficit by 16 Trillion without costing the American Taxpayer 1 thin dime. All you see is that I don't care for Hillary or Michelle. You should be fired or shut down this web site as you are manufacturing the truth.

Thankfully she only got 11 votes...

14- similarly, I was chewed out for disliking a John Lennon song.  A week or so later, you were responding to my "halloween costume" of Dent May...

A Beer For The Shower October 31, 2016 at 6:35 PM
I think I'm just barely hipster enough to get that Dent May reference. That is hilarious. The look is spot on.

Oh, and that sweet little deer at the bottom just reminded me of something: John Lennon is overrated and can eat a giant bowl of dicks.

CWMartinOctober 31, 2016 at 6:39 PM
Rarely does someone make my day with a comment so well. And you did it TWICE!

15- a MWN item about some idiot who put a ring on his weiner and almost got an involuntary circumcision got me chided for placement- post placement, that is...

Robin November 18, 2016 at 1:15 PM
I agree with what Debbie said about the ring penis ratio. Or maybe I need to keep in mind George Costanza's famous words about SHRINKAGE! You really should have made that story last as I couldn't concentrate on anything after that. As soon as a penis is in the conversation....

16- But I really have to give my favorite to Jo-Anne for commenting on the UN removing Wonder Woman as a role model for young girls...

Jo-Anne's Ramblings December 14, 2016 at 2:31 PM
Heard about Wonder Woman getting canned on the news, talk about a storm in a d cup...

17- and one more, although technically it's a comment on a blog other than mine.  Long story abbreviated:  A fellow blogger referenced another blogger's rudeness in attacking anyone who didn't worship Hillary as the goddess of the new age.  Of course, I had to get into a set to with the guy.  This caught the attention of yet another blogger, who had fought him many times past, and came to my defense, although the poster "hillaried" (AKA deleted) his comments.  He asked if I had seen it, but I hadn't, and so...

Stephen T. McCarthy December 14, 2016 at 5:01 PM
Ha! Well, thanks, Chris!

The gloves came off between LOLeon and myself many moons ago, which relieves me of the necessity of even feigning civility with the guy.

For your reading pleasure[??], following is the comment I left him there, just below YOUR exchange with him. He promptly "Hillaried" it, thus proving the accuracy of the statement itself:

​Hey, COWARDLY LEON, you overfed tub of Marxist goo....

After that and the subsequent spit take, it was all downhill from there...

And there you have it!  Thank you for the joy you all gave me this year, and I hope I will be deserving of more in the next!


  1. Chris:
    Believe me, there are people in your (regular) audience that WILL think you deserve of more...BWAHAHAhahahahaaaaa.

    I often think of our blogs as "a thinking person's comedy club".
    Then there's all that TRUTH involved...LOL.

    Good call and some funny comments.

    Stay safe & behave yourself up there, brother.

    1. Thinking person's comedy club- I like that!

  2. What the hell I got two mentions is that a good thing, a bad thing or just a thing, I have no idea.

    What I do know is your blog is a must visit place even when I think I will not visit many blogs yours is a must visit.

    I would like to say something funny but I am not a funny person, I do need a do need either another back scratcher or longer arms because damn by back is itchy this morning.

    Oh yeah before I go have to let you know I will be back tomorrow as long as I don't melt in the stinking hot day we are in for although tomorrow and Friday will be hotter with temps around 44°c today is only suppose to be around 36°c.

    1. It's a very good thing! You brighten my day whenever you stop by!

      And thank you for the compliment! I shall strive on to be a go-to guy!

  3. Just stopping by, thanks for always hanging around. Love the post, hope I'll do better at checking in next year! or tomorrow.. WHatever happens first.

    1. Golly, with four kids I'd be lucky to find my butt much less time for blogging...

  4. Do you know that I just recently found your blog? I know you have followed my blog for a while now but I could never find yours when I'd look for it. But now that I have and am back in blogging mode, you're going to get sick of me. ha! Happy 2017, Chris!

    1. And to you, although it's always debateable around here who will get sick of who...