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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Newspage Go!



I had a time deciding whether to call this a Newspage Go! (Which is generally a make-fun-of-the-headline thing) or a Martin World News (which is more story related), but I went with this mainly because I think I saw enough just on the FoxNews front page to last a lifetime  fill a post.  So let's get started with:

First HL: This is some Bernie Sanders math

Critics to Ivy Leagues: 'Taxpayer gravy train needs to end'


Explain, if you would, why Ivy League schools, set up already with enough endowments to cash out $2 million to every student, received an additional $41 BILLION from 2010-5- from us good hearted taxpayers.  Not only that, they don't get taxed on the investment gains from those $119 billion in endowments- that nets them a tax savings of almost another $10 billion.  In the meantime, HOW MANY community colleges have we had go by the wayside because the government refused to keep throwing them a bone over some arcane rule violation?  Guess that when you consider 12 presidents- 9 of the 20 since William McKinley- were Ivy Leaguers, it shouldn't be awfully surprising.


Second HL:  The views expressed aren't necessarily those of the dog

Man mauled to death by dog during BBC interview


The Sun really does a pretty bad job on the link through of what happened when, mostly because no one wants to talk until the lawsuits to come are settled.  But the basics are this:  A man and woman BBC film crew were doing some kind of documentary.  They were interviewing one Mario Perivoitos, a UK resident of Cypriot descent.  Mario was a bad guy of some shade; his dwelling was banned from having non-resident people over as he has a habit of maintaining a public nuisance.  Suddenly, Mario's Staffordshire bull terrier attacked him.  He was shouting, "Let me out of here!" though the door was locked from the inside, and when neighbors called police they had to crowbar the door open.  The interviewers were supposedly inside with him, so I don't know how this works.  Upshot of it all is reporters are talking to the cops but no one else, Mario died at the hospital, and the neighbors will be having a party this weekend to celebrate his demise.


Third HL: This will look so good on the resume you'll need

Woman called 'weird freak' on receipt

In another bout of English joie de vivre ,  A cashier at a restaurant in Yorkshire didn't think much of a customer wanting to "un-supersize" a meal.  The lady wanted to get a child-size omelette for her 11-month old child, explaining there was no point in getting a full one as he was just trying out regular food.  The cashier, after trying to get her to "just order a regular" omelette, rang up the order- and another girl near her and she shared a laugh.  The hubby, wondering what was so damn funny demanded to see the order.




Everyone else in the UK soon got to see THIS "receipt" from the store's GM:

Unfortunately today one of our staff acted in an incredibly unprofessional way and we are extremely sorry. It is not the high level of service that we know our customers expect from us and which we expect from our staff. We have made a direct apology to the customer concerned and will be taking up the matter internally with the staff involved.


Fourth HL:  I'm thinking the problem lies with you


Police: Driver runs out of gas after stealing squad car

Meet South Dakota's pride Troy James.  James had run out of gas and called the police for assistance.  Upon arriving, the deputies noted he was "acting bizarrely" and decided to TRY and detain him.  But Troy yanked the cop behind the wheel out and took off, leading various police departments on a merry chase, ending some 140 miles later- when he ran out of gas.



Fifth HL:  And for dessert...

Indonesia man swallowed whole by python, reports say

Yep, a 23 foot long reticulated python swallowed whole an Indonesian palm-oil farmer.  The 25 year old Akbar (last name unknown) disappeared the day before, but wasn't missed because his wife was exchanging family gossip a village or two over.    A search party soon found the python, no doubt in a food coma, with Akbar's boots up in it's neck region and his head... well you can figure that one out.  An uncle dropped by the next day and found no one around- and called out the posse.  Mrs. Akbar found out about her husband's demise the old fashioned way- on the news.

Because yep, somebody shot a video of the villagers cutting the python open.  And no, I ain't watching it.


Last HL:  "...yelling, 'Stroke! Stroke! at all hours..."


Allman Brothers Band guitarist's wife charged with 18 counts of aggravated assault with a firearm


Mrs Dickie Betts claims that since they live near the practice area for the Sarasota Crew rowing team, the practice has 'destroyed her life.'  So Tuesday, she sat on her porch and aimed her trusty shotgun at about 100 kids and coaches, threatening to shoot them all.  Donna Betts then called 911 on them, which might not have been her smartest move as she ended up in police custody.  On further thought, though, maybe it WAS her smartest move.

4 comments:

  1. Chris:
    ---"Enough to last a lifetime"...LOL.
    I can SO relate!
    ---"(taxpayer) gravy-train needs to end". Hey, someone out there borrowing MY "copy"?
    $41 BIL?
    Yo, even I'm not THAT good-hearted!
    ---If Mario was a PUBLIC NUISANCE, he SHOULD have been already shut the hell DOWN!
    Still, he got what he was asking for.
    But, I'd party with THOSE neighbors in a HEARTBEAT!
    ---Why not just order the REGULAR omelet and split it with the child?
    (works for me...oops, sorry for that bout of common sense...heh)
    ---South Dakota just elevated themselves to a new level of STUPID!
    ---Well, I have both a shotgun AND a wife with the same name...hmm.
    (Better not buy myself a racing scull)

    Good stuff.

    Stay safe (and omelet-free) up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But can you play guitar? Do a jam session?

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  2. A similar incident with a receipt that described the customer, let's just say less than politely, was also posted by someone who visited a Chick-fil-a not too long ago. The lady was so upset. Not because of the entire description used, but because it contained the word "old," that's what really made her mad.

    Years ago, I had a friend who had a reticulated python. Last time I saw it, that thing was at least nine feet long.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Considering the size of the one that ate Akbar, I believe the word for your friend';s snake would be "aperitif"...

      Delete