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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, May 31, 2017

My life with covfefe

Hours ago, I was asking, "WTH is covfefe?"  Moments after I found out, I was asked, "WTH is covfefe?"  So I decided to look into it.

Apparently early Wednesday morning, President Trump was sleep-tweeting, and the since deleted result was this:

“Despite the constant negative press covfefe"

And it ended there.

So now the big word on the internet is covfefe, and apparently you can even get hats with the "word"- that is, if you want your payment to become a "donation to Planned Parenthood.  But being the researcher that I am, I wondered if I could learn anything from that bastion of linguistic knowledge, Google Translate.  Well, GT detected Samoan- but gave no results other than covfefe right back at me.  But not all of GT's 100 odd languages just reflected it back at me.  No, some 15 languages capitalised Covfefe.  And some even gave me words back in the English translation box.  None of these words were remotely English, however.  But they did lead me down some interesting trails.

Out of 8 languages that responded with other nonsense words, 6 of them were major languages in India- Bengali (their 2nd biggest), Telugu (#3), Tamil (#5), Urdu (#6), Gujarati (#7), and Kannada (#8), which is NOT spoken in Canada.

with apologies to Debbie the Dog Lady
In fact there were only two languages outside of India that responded- and they both had the same word!  That word was "cofever" and it came up both in Portuguese and Slovenian.  When I Google searched cofever, what I got was the twitter handle of a Japanese person, who goes by the "real name" of Spring Summer Autumn Winter, and in the 4 years and seven months he/she/they have had the account, they have tweeted a grand total of 0 times.  Making things easy on their one follower.

The word Bengali gave me was Cappafe, which I learned is actually the name of a Turkish auto accessories company.

In Telugu was my favorite translation, kopphph.  I almost expected to find it under "other choices for the new IPFW acronym", but the closest I actually came was on a Japanese medical journal exploring low-hormone treatments for the nastier parts of menstruation.

Tamil had my 2nd-favorite word, Kovpapa, which is the pseudonym for a Hungarian blogger real name Kovats Kristof, who's blog is titled either "Free University of Lebanon" or Country Girl Free University."  I'm not sure if the name is inverted, and if not, it's gender neutral, and so is his/her blogger picture, but whichever, they have "an eclectic worldview, I try to wake up with my age. Do not always succeed."  Again, not sure if that should have been "with my age" or "AT my age."

Urdu had a word that might well become the name of my next pet, Kuuffy.  I found Kuuffy is a "summoner" in the game League of Legends, which pretty much precludes me from understanding anything further there.

Gujarati gives us Kovafenf, to which the only lead I got was to a Brazilian massage sofa.  Sorry, no pictures.  Leastways, no good ones.

And finally Kannada brings us Chowff- which I at first thought, surely that will come up in Welsh.  However, all I really got from it was a link to the Chow Test.  Not a ISTEP for doggies, it had a definition a mile long of which I understood none until I hit:  "In a time-series analysis... used to determine whether an independent variable has different effects on different subgroups of the population."  Yep, got it.

So, if you extrapolate all the data, here is what covfefe means:  It is a statistical formula devised at the Free University of Lebanon to determine if a summoner suffering symptoms of menstrual pain while lying on a Brazilian massage sofa can be cured by low-level sex hormone treatments found on Turkish auto accessory sites.  Simple, huh?


  1. Chris:
    I heard about this, and since I've given even trying to follow anything that resembles a modern-day acronym (which I thought this originally was) to summarily dismiss it.
    For all we know, that tweet coulda just been a TYPO.
    Lord knows we all make plenty of those, right?
    I DID like your extrapolation - end result, though. ROFL!
    That's wonderful.

    Stay safe (and etymological) up there, brother

  2. "Covfefe" almost replaced "the Trump/Russia" connection as the main story on the bull-loony news networks. Can you imagine it? Real news came close to knocking fake news off the top of the trash heap. "Covfefe" is a great word--one of the greatest.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

  3. LMAO! I love your hilarious take on 'Covfefe', Chris. ☺ Thanks for the laugh. IMO, the POTUS should get the hell off Twitter, but then, we wouldn't have this great material, would we?