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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Monday, June 26, 2017

Martin World News




Why a MWN post today?  Mainly because my stupid camera has a freshly charged battery in it- which means until I take a few more pictures, it will refuse to download what I took this weekend.  Why is that?  How should I know?  I just know it's pointless to fight it, so you'll have to wait for some perfectly lovely nature pictures.


And speaking of perfectly lovely pictures...


ITEM:




I thought this might be an appropriate image- a Dali painting- for a story from the BBC where in Salvador Dali's body is about to be exhumed.  Why?  62 years ago, he allegedly got it on with a maid.  61 years ago, little Maria Pilar Abel Martínez came along, supposedly as a result.  Dali assumed room temperature 28 years ago, and probably looks much like that painting now.  And now, no-longer-little Maria wants to prove that she is in fact a little Dali.  Her mother told her several times this paternity story, and she claims she has the looks to prove it- "The only thing I'm missing is a moustache," she once said.



Yep, in just the same way Rachel Dolezal looks African American- best seen from inside her own mind.


ITEM:  Frank Kerrigan has a son who has been mentally ill and lives on the streets most of the time.  When the coroner called and said he had died, Frank had no reason to doubt it.  "Do you need me to come down and ID him?"  Frank asked, and the lady at the other end told him they had already IDed him through fingerprints.

So they gave him a funeral that cost $20,000, and buried him near his deceased mother.  And two weeks later, a pallbearer called Frank and said, Guess what, Frankie (the son) is alive and STANDING RIGHT HERE.

Seems the Orange County Coroner, TRIED to run fingerprints and failed.  They then matched the face to an OLD DRIVERS LICENCE.  They then gave their notifier completely wrong information, and the Kerrigans buried a complete stranger.


Needless to say, a jury will soon be making the OC Coroner's office about $2 million in damages poorer, and likely will stop getting employees from the cast of Beverly Hills 90210.


ITEM:  With another piece from the "it shouldn't be funny" file, the following headline:


 Spate of Beaver Attacks Puts Swimmers on High Alert in Switzerland


There are SO many ways to take such a headline.  Frankly  I think it is an anti-beaver campaign.  At this point, I should bring up an old story from years back, when the Oregon State football team upset the highly ranked USC Trojans.  To which somebody, I don't honestly remember who, came up with the headline suggestion, "Beavers Burst Trojans".  Beaver jokes are just wonderful.

In any event, the story closed with, "Officials in Schaffhausen have confirmed that they will erect beaver warning signs in the area to warn would-be swimmers to beware potential attacks."

Because a BEAVER WARNING sign can really be a Godsend if you don't want a burst Trojan.


ITEM:  Our next headline might make you a little more careful where you sit your fruit...


Customer claims metallic IKEA bowl set his grapes on fire


Now of course the first stupid thing here is that he had to set his IKEA Blanda Blank bowl right where a concentrated beam of sunlight setb the stems of his grapes on fire- and of course, it's all IKEA's fault.  I'm just glad he didn't buy an IKEA toilet bowl- that would have been a grape of a different color...


ITEM:  You really have to admire the effort some people put into being incredibly, disastrously stupid.  To wit:


At least 153 people were killed Sunday when an oil tanker exploded in Pakistan, according to reports.

The tanker overturned after the driver lost control on a sharp bend on a road from Karachi to Lahore after the vehicle blew a tire.

Now here, we are going to play a "who's dumber" lightning round because, not only did THIS happen-

 Drivers rushed to the site to collect the leaking fuel...

But then, THIS happened...



which exploded after someone apparently lit a cigarette, Reuters reported, citing officials.


Hey, now, let's not be so hasty to blame it on a cigarette smoker?  What if the REAL story is that someone was gathering fuel with an IKEA Blanda Blank bowl...

3 comments:

  1. Chris:
    ---I have NO idea why your camera wouldn't allow D/Ls with a FRESH-CHARGED battery in it...that makes no sense (gotta love that tech).
    ---I actually recognized that Dali art (weird, huh?)...the Dolezal comparison is right on!
    ---The false ID story...that's ONE way to "hit the lottery", I suppose.
    ---Beaver attacks...LOL!
    (where's PETA when you REALLY need them?)
    Oh, those wacky Swiss!
    ---ROFL on the IKEA story...a SPECIAL kind of stupid, no doubt.
    ---Yeah, smoking CAN be hazardous to your health, ESPECIALLY around FUEL SOURCES, hmm?
    Who'da thunk that?
    (obviously NOT those other drivers).
    LMAO on the Blanda Blank bowl, too!

    Wonderful post.
    Got me smiling down here.

    Stay safe (and beware attacking beavers) up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I HATE it when my grapes catch on fire from a poorly aimed dollop of Ben-Gay....ohhhhh, you mean fruit?
    Still...

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  3. Ha! What a great post to read after a long and stressful day at work. Loved it, friend! Hope you are well!

    ReplyDelete