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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

newspage go!



Admittedly I'm not on my best game after whatever the hell it was laid me up most of yesterday.  So this is going to be an extremely snark-laden version of, "Well, that's what the headline says, isn't it?" without a lot of, "Well, the truth is..."  So in other words, this will be a lot like watching MSNBC, if they were even slightly funny.  You'll have to be the judge on whether the emphasis belongs on the "funny" or the "slightly"...


FoxNews Headlines


May win no longer a sure bet in UK election after terror attacks

Well, of course not.  It's June now, silly!


Cop accused of picking up prostitutes while on duty

Well, if he was picking them up OFF-duty, people would think he was... oh.  OH!  Headline writer needs to differentiate whether "picking up" means arresting or soliciting.


Gaokao: Why China is eating our students' lunch

Prolly because we got rid of all that healthy crap Michelle O was force feeding grade school trash cans.  A bag of chips, a pack of Ding Dongs, who wouldn't want that over today's installment of "365 things to do with rice"?


Woman accused of pulling son’s teeth out with pliers in Walmart bathroom

Only one thing need be said:  Utah, not Kentucky.  WalMart covers the rest.


Cosby trial: Andrea Constand remains calm as defense grills her

Have they put on the BBQ sauce yet, though?


BBC News


Global diarrhoea deaths down by a third

Not funny in and of itself, but when I first saw it Friday night, I told Laurie, "No shit..."


Pollution victim sues France for bad air

To which France replied, "You want bad air?  Try Beijing..."


Asian nations make plastic promise

Is there nothing they won't make out of plastic and ship to us?


Australia plane evacuated over toilet note

Perhaps the best unintended fart joke ever...  Was it a high note or a raspberry?


And finally, a trifecta of CNN headliners that make little sense until taken as a unit:


#1- Harris wants an answer. Senators want her to let it go.

#2- Trump said, 'I hope you can let this go'

#3- Senate intel chairman cuts off senator

4 comments:

  1. CHRIS:
    ROFL...truth be told, I REALLY LIKE this "version" of your news stories.
    Keep the humor coming...kudos.

    Stay safe (and pithy) up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It was definitely the "easy bake" version of events...

      Delete
  2. Well thank you making me laugh which made me cough which made me piss my self so yeah thank you

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not sure whether to say thanks... or sorry!

      Delete