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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, January 22, 2018

Newspage go!

Tonight, I decided to see what we would get if I just looked at the stupidest-seeming headlines from various news sites, and see if we come up with anything dumber than what goes on in Washington (or on the Today Show) on a daily basis.

Contestant #1- BBC

Chinese staff paid in bricks to top up unpaid wages

Yep,  a brick making plant in China, using mainly migrant labor, somehow found themselves unable to pay 30 of these workers.

After their local labour department intervened with the help of the courts, the employees agreed to receive bricks from the factory in exchange for their unpaid earnings.

Xinhua says that their employer, who has not been named by local media, is still trying to figure out a way to repay staff the remaining 10,000 yuan that they are owed.

So each of the 30 employees is getting around 9,670 bricks at 23 bricks to the dollar.  Helluva deal, but what does a migrant worker do with 10,000 bricks?  Thank you for my happy meal, here are 50 bricks.  Just pray none of them hit the Chinese Powerball.

Contestant #2- FoxNews

Alleged drunk driver to cops: Hey, my Tesla was on autopilot

And this dude decided to pass out, leaving his Tesla to take the blame for parking in the middle of the Bay Bridge in San Francisco.  Pay attention in the clip to exactly WHEN he was found passed out:

“Driver explained Tesla had been set on autopilot,” the post continued. “He was arrested and charged with suspicion of DUI. Car towed (no it didn’t drive itself to the tow yard).”

The tweet did not indicate when the incident took place, but officers told the San Francisco Chronicle that the man was found in the stopped car at about 5:30 p.m. on Jan. 13.

Tesla officials, meanwhile, said the car’s autopilot function is intended for use “only with a fully attentive driver,” according to a statement to the newspaper.

Next up, CNN:

Budweiser falls off the list of America's three favorite beers

Once upon a time, as recently as 2001, beer drinkers without any real choices made Budweiser the "King of Beers".  But this year, not only is Bud Light and Coors Light ahead of it, but now Miller Lite has passed it into third, leaving Bud now fourth place and fading.

A decade ago, the top 10 brands made up nearly 66% of the beer industry. Their share has shrunk to 50% as craft beers have gained, according to the trade publication.

Bud is learning a lesson the very hard way- taste beats volume.  Why buy a six of bud, when for the same price I can buy 2 bottles of Golden Monkey, get better taste and be three times as smashed ?

Now, the Moscow Times:

What Did Trump Call Them? What's the Russian for That?

This story was a long, drawn out discussion of finding the proper translation into Russian of what President Trump was allegedly trying to convey with the term "shithole".  The author traced it down in the Russian media to 3 "vectors".  Some outlets used a word that literally meant "a hole"- like a hole in the wall.  The second was more along the lines of "a dump", with various descriptive terms to "spice it up".  And the third- well, here's where the author got right down to it:

The third vector had to do with the part of the anatomy that produces sh-t. One publication translated the sh-thole countries as “задница мира” (literally “the world’s bottom”), which emphasizes the nowheresville aspect of Trump’s insult but with only a subtle hint of vulgarity.

Another paper just called them жопы (asses), which is actually pretty close to the original. In Russian slang, жопа is a person’s bottom, a fool, a real mess, or a horrible and filthy place. The word puts a bit more emphasis on the countries’ being in bad shape — like in a jam — but then I’m overthinking this all beyond all belief. If you were just reading the paper, страна-жопа (an ass-country) would tell you what you need to know about Trump and his view of parts of the world.

"An ass-country."  I like that one.  May well start using it.

And before you lay into me for being insensitive to these nations, I'm planning a post about my take on "shithole countries".  Please save the hate mail for that post.

Next up, Xinhua:

Some parts of Beijing, Tianjin and Hebei embrace snowfall

"Embrace" snowfall?  I wondered if this was going to be a piece about how residents thought it was something special, or really neat, to get snow.  But as I perused the picture-post:

A sanitory worker sweeps the street after a snowfall in Xinle City, north China's Hebei Province, Jan. 22, 2018. Some parts of Beijing, Tianjin and Hebei province embraced a snowfall from Jan. 21 to 22.

No, apparently, when China gets dumped on, they get "embraced".  Go figure.

Next, Japan's Asahi Shimbun:

Osunaarashi suspected of driving without license in crash

Which means very little to you until you actually see the story:

Police are investigating allegations that sumo wrestler Osunaarashi was driving without a license and caused a rear-end collision in Nagano Prefecture early this month, investigative sources said.

However, the 25-year-old Egyptian said his pregnant wife was driving the vehicle, according to his lawyer.

So we have a sumo wrestler who rear-ends a guy while driving without a licence.  So, he throws his pregnant wife under the bus, so to speak.  But wait- traffic cams claim he was the driver.  How does he explain that?  Well, he throws his wife back under the bus a second time...

“The owner of the car is my wife. My pregnant wife caused the accident,” JSA officials quoted Osunaarashi as saying. “To cover up for her, I moved to the driver’s seat.”

So he covered up for her by getting into the driver's seat, and covered up for himself by naming her the driver.  All I can say is, he's got a helluva lawyer.

Finally, the Daily Mail really narrows it down...

Study claims women are the most DIFFICULT family members to live with

Wives, sisters and mothers are more likely to be the most difficult people in our lives, according to a survey of 1,100 respondents who described more than 12,000 relationships.  

Women may be guilty of doing the lion's share of whining, nagging and controlling in relationships, but the study noted that it's for a good reason.  

Female family members were most often labeled as difficult because they're usually emotionally invested in relatives' lives.

And before you go off on the Mail, or the study, let me throw in one more telling factor...

The respondents included people ranging in age from their early 20s to their 70s, all of which were San Francisco Bay Area residents.

And if there is anywhere that it should be questionable whether the wives, mothers, etc, are actually even women, that would be the place.  Frankly, I think the whole study was stuck in autopilot against the side of the Bay Bridge.


  1. Chris:
    ---We couldn't do that here...those bricks would wind up through store windows.
    ---The "auto-pilot" just KNRW this (excuse) was coming!
    Fully-Attentive THERE's a novelty on the roads THESE days.
    ---LOL...Bud fell of all my lists (and shelves) AGES ago (I prefer my cat-piss in the litter pans).
    ----The World's I can run with that.
    Ass Country?
    (even better)
    ---China embracing snow? How about embracing some PLOW TRUCKS rather than hand-held sweepers?
    ---Bet that sumo wrestler has a FORT WAYNE lawyer...heh.
    ---Ahh...might have known this came from FRISCO (does that include GAY wives of both genders?)
    That would explain a lot.
    Maybe they "embraced" that study a little TOO much...'ya think?

    Very good (and funny) post.

    Stay safe (and humorous) up there, brother.

    1. Glad you liked! Next: The take on Shithole countries!

  2. This post went from one what the hell topic to another what the hell topic