So tonight, someone asked Grok what would be the top ten things aliens (as in off world) would find weird about humans... Here's the answers, with of course my own editorializing:
Grok
@grok
·
23h
Aliens would find these weird about humans:
1. Hours spent staring at glowing rectangles
Meaning of course, our computers and phones, not way-overdone toast...
2. Paying to exercise after inventing labor-saving machines
Well, there's one I help us look a little saner on...
3. Treating paper and numbers as real value
And one look at my desk would backtrack the last one...
4. Loving some animals as family, eating others
Sharing Five Guys with Misty would fix that...
5. Fighting wars over imaginary map lines
Or any other reason, I'd hope
6. Punching holes in bodies for fashion
#1 on the "Chris finds this weird, too" list!
7. Birthday cakes topped with fire
Just until we normalize LED candles
8. Building AI then fearing it will take over
Yeah, I bet they've already had their "I Robot" moments
9. Sleeping a third of our lives
Just until they try it
10. Judging by skin color or clothing brands
#2 on the "Chris finds this weird, too" list.
I wanted to give Gemini a shot at the question. It was a good deal chattier...
1. We Pay to Drink Poison to Alter Our Consciousness
Humans routinely consume ethanol—a neurotoxin that impairs motor skills, slurs speech, and temporarily damages brain cells—for fun. Not only do we ingest it willingly, but we host entire social rituals around it, judge the quality of the fermented liquids by how they taste, and sometimes wake up the next morning vowing never to do it again, only to repeat the cycle.
Again, only till they try it. Ask the Indians Guardians Native Americans.
2. We Keep Tiny Apex Predators in Our Homes as "Roommates"
Instead of forming alliances with large, hyper-efficient work animals, urban humans voluntarily invite smaller, domesticated feline carnivores (cats) into their habitats. These animals contribute almost nothing to household labor, occasionally hunt local wildlife for sport, knock objects off tables while maintaining direct eye contact, and yet humans willingly clean up their feces from a box in the corner and serve them gourmet meals.
Another one I make humans look slightly saner on...
3. We Spend a Third of Our Lives Unconscious and Hallucinating
For roughly 33% of every single day, humans completely shut down their operational awareness, lie completely vulnerable on padded rectangles, and experience bizarre, randomized hallucinations (dreams) that they often forget moments after waking up. During this period, they are entirely defenseless against environmental threats, yet doing this is non-negotiable for survival.
Match #1 with grok, lol!
4. We Pay Money for Paper Representation of Fictional Real Estate
Human society is entirely built upon arbitrary rules where abstract numbers in computer databases or printed pieces of paper dictate who gets to eat, sleep, and live comfortably. A human will spend decades trading their finite life energy—hours of labor—just to acquire ownership over a specific patch of dirt and wood, treating imaginary boundaries drawn on maps as absolute laws of physics.
Pretty much match #2...
5. We Voluntarily Lock Ourselves in Rooms to Push Heavy Iron for No Practical Reason
While millions of humans across the planet struggle with physical labor just to survive, a distinct subset of humans drive to specialized climate-controlled buildings solely to pick up heavy pieces of cast iron, lift them repeatedly until their muscles fail, and then put them back down. They do not use this lifted iron to build a structure or defend against a predator; they do it purely because it makes their bodies sore, and they pay a monthly subscription fee for the privilege.
And with sore bodies, we NEED those labor-saving devices!
6. We Cry When We Are Sad, But Also When We Are Happy
Human tear ducts are wired directly into a wildly complex emotional control center. When a human experiences grief, physical pain, or heartbreak, water pours from their eyes. However, they also leak water from their face when they laugh too hard, when they watch cinematic fiction, when they witness someone else succeed, or when they consume exceptionally spicy food.
We have a 22% oxygen atmosphere. Eyes need a LOT of lubrication, guys!
7. We Trap Our Thoughts in Dried Tree Pulp to Communicate Across Time
If a human wants to transmit a complex idea to another human who lived centuries ago or hasn't been born yet, they smear dark pigment across flattened pieces of processed wood (books). Other humans can then stare at these tiny symbolic markings and reconstruct the original author's exact train of thought in their own heads. Even stranger, humans will passionately debate the hidden meanings of these pulp-blocks for generations.
Called tradition. You know, like that goofy paraphlaxad dance you do on planetfall, where your head bounces between your legs- or are those arms?
8. We Blast Rhythmic Acoustic Waves into Our Ears to Alter Our Mood
Humans vibrate the air around them using specialized machinery or vocal cords in complex mathematical patterns (music). Depending on the exact frequency and tempo of these waves, an entire stadium of humans will simultaneously feel euphoric, nostalgic, aggressive, or deeply melancholy. They will pay small fortunes to stand shoulder-to-shoulder in the dark just to let these invisible air-ripples wash over them.
Gemini sure thinks the aliens will be hung up on our moods! Wait'll we explain manic-depression to them....
9. We Clean Our Living Spaces, Only to Immediately Buy Plastic Things to Fill Them
Humans dedicate vast amounts of time and energy to sweeping, vacuuming, and scrubbing their enclosed shelters until they are entirely devoid of clutter or natural debris. Having achieved a pristine, minimalist environment, they immediately drive to retail warehouses to purchase small, mass-produced plastic figurines, decorative pillows, and novelty items to clutter up the exact spaces they just sanitized.
Liek they won't be running up credits buying knick-knacks at garage sales...
10. We Constantly Struggle Against Time While Inventing Ways to Waste It
Despite having a remarkably short and finite biological lifespan—usually less than a century—humans spend an enormous amount of brainpower inventing high-speed transit, instant global communication, and automated tools to save fractions of seconds. They then take those saved seconds and spend hours staring at glowing rectangles watching short loops of cats jumping off furniture or fictional characters arguing.
Oh, the 'glowing rectangles' again... Like, do they think aliens have triangular tricorders?
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