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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, May 22, 2013

if all else fails, check the news

You're probably thinking, "Chris has this 3 part series coming up, he's gonna sit back and fluff off until Time Machine this week."  (At least I was thinking about it.)  But it's been too hot to walk for two days, and we're currently in between two massive monsoons  One short rain storm and the next, so that's out.  Work has been a bit chaotic, but the stories contained therein kind of meander about over the course of several events, and untangling  them into a cohesive and entertaining storyline would leave us with a lot of effort with a payoff approximately that of the Card Table Joke, so we'll just leave it at chaotic.

Hmm? Oh, the card table joke.  Well, that's one of those stories you have to have a LOT of time to tell.  You see the point is to build anticipation through a long and drawn out story.  You start with our hero asking his young son what he wants for his (fill in the blank) birthday.  The child answers, "What I really want is a card table."  Dad says, "Oh, you don't really want a card table, "  and gets him something age appropriate.  Throw in as many birthdays as you like, get him a car for graduating high school and a round-the-world trip for graduating college.  On the trip he meets the love of his life and brings her home to marry.  Give him (always instead of a card table) a house for his wedding, just a mile down the road from dear old dad.  One night, he's going home from dad's and wrecks the car.  He's about to die when dad gets there.  Dad says, "Son, I have to ask you:  every time I've asked you what you wanted for a gift, a birthday present, Christmas, you always wanted a card table.  Why did you always want a damn card table?"

Son says, "Dad... I always wanted... a card table... because..."  And then he dies.

So, anyway, I thought, well, let's see what's in the news today.  And I just was reading where a team of researchers have determined the average human was smarter in the Victorian age than they are now.  Published in the European journal Intelligence, the team used reaction time to visual stimuli as their chosen measure.  Using data from old tests, they found a 60-70 millisecond increase down the years, which means we are getting slower and therefore dumber.

The researchers claim this proves that people have grown "less clever" over time. They back up their claim by suggesting they know the reason for the decline in intelligence—smarter people having fewer children, while the less smart, have more. (from

 Not exactly PC, but they have a point.  As Kang said in an old issue of The Avengers, "...they're idiots...and their diverging MORE idiots!"  Of course, he was talking about something else entirely...

Actually, divergent copies of himself, like this guy...
Another one I saw was Minnesotan David Gonzales, who was clearing out old newspapers somebody used to "insulate" a wall in the home he was remodeling, and found a somewhat rough copy of the legendary Action Comics #1 from 1939.  Even in the shape it was in, it was worth a fortune- but then he and a relative dropped that quality even lower by getting in a scrape and ripping the back cover off.  A collecting expert called that "a $75,000 tear, " but the top bid on eBay thus far is still close to $108,000 !

And how about the head crook at IRS, one Lois Lerner, in front of Congress today?  Tells the assembled lawmakers she was innocent and had "done nothing wrong".  And then proceeds to announce that she was taking the fifth amendment on any further questions on the advice of her counsel.  Well, may I say that her counsel is as big an idiot as she is, because you use the fifth amendment to avoid revealing things that "will tend to incriminate" yourself.  If she was innocent, she didn't need the fifth amendment!  She went on to say to the effect, "I know how this is going to look..."  To which I say, "Where there's smoke..."

Unfortunately, the Chair, GOP Rep Darrell Issa ( a Californian, big surprise) was going to let her off with that, until another rep told him (to the applause of the chamber) that by making her claim of innocence, she had waived her right to the fifth, and she should be grilled further.  Issa asked another couple of questions, got the same responses, and sent her on her way, with the proviso that she might be recalled if he grew a pair if counsel advised him that the other Rep. was right.

The Right Hon. D. Issa... waiting for Obamacare to approve his Androgel

Another lovely story was the ten-year-old girl in Utah who took it upon herself to bully another girl for not wearing the best, latest clothes.  When the teacher reported this to her dad, dad's fiancée went out and bought $50 dollars of the worst clothes she could find in a thrift store and made Miss Haute Coiture wear them to school for two weeks.  Hard to say if the point got across, but word is she didn't like it when former "friends" talked behind HER back...

And then there's Jesus River of Colorado, who assisted the victim of a wreck by pulling him out of the vehicle- and then when he went back to find the man's fictitious children, the douchebag stole his truck.  Bad enough, but within ten days, Rivera was notified that according to county police, he was now liable for over $500 worth of traffic tickets the creep had run up IN the truck.  Rivera was supposed to prove he was not driving the truck he didn't have when the violations occurred, but the county had conveniently misplaced their records of the accident and theft.  Fortunately, the state boys DID have a record, and Rivera was off the hook.  He says he'd do it again, but I think I might run over the bozo's legs first were it me...

Okay, that's about it, and thank God, because twice I have tried to replace -ing with -ic, forgot that fictitious is fic-TITTIE-us rather than fic-TISH-us, and have an odd urge to go buy a card table...


  1. CWM:
    Somply amazing stuff...ALL of it.
    (BTW, I hate Kang...always did, always will...LOL)

    As for all the other items...hell, you just CANNOT make this kind of crap up!!!
    Especially the Lerner/5th amendment BS claim.
    You can plainly tell SHE doesn;t know the Consitution from her ass...OR a hole in the ground.

    Darn shame about that ACTION comic, too...helluva tear.

    Just tell me WHEN did our universe bump into that "alternate" one, creating all the conflict we never used to have, okay?
    (inquiring minds want to

    Stay safe up there.

    1. When we stopped caring about hanging on to the one we have, my friend.