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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Turning 51..., as I type, just 23 hours and five minutes away.  So once again, I try to ignore the stiffness in my back, the soreness in my right foot and calf, and my ever-blurring eyes to load up on the reasons I should be delighted I'm one year into the second half of the Martin century.  So I went on a site that told me what celebrities are currently 51.

"Little" Al Unser, Jr.  Not a bad start.
Boy George.  Uhhhmmm...
AJ Feely.  My son could tell you how much I appreciate this former incompetent Miami Dolphin QB; that would explain why he's under Boy George.
Barack Obama.  That's it, I'm done here.

Next, I had to wade through 50,000 posts of how 51- year-old actor Doug Hutchinson just married his 16-year-old girlfriend.

Yeah... good luck with that.
But I did managed to get past her chest those posts to find a small plethora (a plethorita?) of factoids.

At the age of 51 (which starts the last age category), I should be consuming 3 cups of dairy a day.  Of course, I should have been doing that in the 19-30 and 31-50 age groups, too.

At the age of 51, two months ago former NFL RB Herschel Walker announced he'd like to fight in the UFC.  I think I'd rather be Doug Hutchinson.

At the age of 51, Gordie Howe began his last season in the NHL.  With the then-Hartford Whalers, he scored 15 goals and 26 assists in 80 games.  It was the most games in a season in his career, and his third-lowest point total.  In fact, he had 5 seasons where he topped 41 just in goals.

At the age of 51, Bilbo Baggins was on his quest in Lord Of The Rings.  But gravity was less back then.

The world's oldest living horse, Shayne, died in February.  He was 51.

Oddly enough, he lived in the same town as the world's oldest living dog (Pip, a terrier whippet cross that is supposedly 24).  Something in the water?

The average age in the Western world for the onset of menopause is 51.  Well, there's one I don't have to worry about.

On the bright side, I am younger than 85 out of 100 US Senators, 305 US Congressmen, and 42 governors.  Buncha old fogies, anyway.

One site says I should have saved a minimum of $455,000 by now.  Of course, that's based on a yearly income of $65,000.  Using as a multiplier what I've made the past few years, that would work it's way down to $122,847.19.  Sorry to say, I'm WELL short of that, but I did buy a Powerball this morning.  However, another site says if I'd put 50 cents in my piggy bank every day since I turned three, I'd have $8,765.50, and I DO have that beat.

One site, called Poke my birthday, said this when I put in May 16th, 1962:
You are exactly 51 years 1 week 5 days 20 hours 18 minutes 42 seconds old.

Which means they are either one week, 5 days, 42 hours, 46 minutes, and 42 seconds in the future, or they suck at telling time.

And me?  I'm still here, still stiff and sore (I'll tell you about taking a walk at 85 degrees later), a bit ashamed about my post whining yesterday, and appreciative of all the birthday wishes I've gotten so far and those who are waiting till tomorrow to lower the boom.

And Lord?  I was just kidding about the "Martin CENTURY"....


  1. I went and went today, and I'll tell you I'm paying for it now. Tony came home and I said "Look! I have muscles now I've never had before" And sure enough, I've got "guns". :)

    He didn't know what to do with that.

    He did however, know what to do when I crashed and said I was going to bed. Smart, smart man that he is let me whine about my aches and pains and told me to take two Advil before bed. :)

    And I'm only 38.

    In case I don't make it here tomorrow... Happy Birthday!

    1. Thank you, Ma'am. I took naproxen myself. And my guns shoot spitballs.

  2. Well, CW, since I'm knocking on 52, I'd like to tell you that 51 was painless, but I'd be lying.

    I found all sorts of new aches and pains this year.

    They never tell you about that-the joints you did not know existed until they developed arthritis...

    1. I've already heard a verse or two of that song... nothing debilitating, thank God, just enough to make getting up annoying. Luckily I'm a low-motivation kinda guy.

  3. Maybe it's time to grow a beard like Bilbo Baggins if you don't already have one. But 51 is the new 41 if you ask me.

    1. And I was whining at 41, too. And I do grow some face roughage, but usually it is removed for being annoying before it amounts to much.

  4. Happy happy birthday to you my friend. I really hope it is wonderful
    Big hugs

  5. Happy Birthday! And I hope you win the lottery too:)

    1. Well not the big prize, but haven't checked the numbers yet to see if I got a little one.

  6. >>... Barack Obama. That's it, I'm done here.

    It's a smart man who knows "when to fold 'em."

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

  7. >>... The world's oldest living horse, Shayne, died in February. He was 51. [...] Oddly enough, he lived in the same town as the world's oldest living dog (Pip, a terrier whippet cross that is supposedly 24). Something in the water?

    REALLY? I find that fascinating, and way too much coincidence for me to accept.

    Something in the water? Yeah, maybe.
    Or maybe it's just something in the... horse meat.

    ~ D-FensDogg
    'Loyal American Underground'

    1. They said the horse owed it to his diet. I think the dog claimed it was whiskey and cigars.

    2. HA!
      Actually, what the dog said is, "Whiskey, cigars, and whatever kind of meat they're putting in those cans of Ken-L Ration."

      ~ D-FensDogg
      'Loyal American Underground'

  8. Chris:
    Didn't hear ANY mention about the whole "we're not getting OLDER...we're getting BETTER" gig...?!?
    Hell, I'd LOVE to be 51 again (haven't seen that for the last TEN years).
    You and president "that guy" are the same age...? there NO justice?

    ANd lemme tell 'ya something...when you DO hit the 1/2 century are GRANTED the ability (and often the desire) to piss, moan and gripe...It's your RIGHT as a newly- designated member of the curmudgeon's club.
    (and God understands, believe

    Yeah, the assorted aches, pians, soreness, stiffness, are just part6 of the story here.
    I wonder how METHUSELAH made out considering HOW OLD he got to be?
    Don't think I would ever want to follow suit for so long.
    I'm just glad you're with us and still raising a fuss.

    Happy Birthday, my friend.
    (and many more)

    Stay safe (and cake-filled) up there.
    (and no cracks about having the FWFD on speed dial when Laurie lights the candles)

    1. When I catch something on me getting better with age, I'll be sure to mention it.

      And about Methuselah- I've often wonder if these "hobbit-humans" they've been finding aren't the results of being 900 years old and arthritic. Just a thought.

  9. Sorry I'm late, but happy birthday!! :)

    1. better late, but no more cake! ;)