Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, January 12, 2015

Martin World News

ITEM:  I was on twitter when the hashtag #ReasonsObamaMissedUnityRally came up.  It was great fun, but got me thinking.  Did Eric Holder, the Attorney General, get sent over to Paris for this (actually for something at the same time) instead of the next officials that SHOULD have been sent- VP Joe or SecState Horseface- because he was the highest BLACK official Obama could send?  Is this a racist thing?  Hang on, the answer is at the end of the post!

ITEM:  Today is the last day of the Great Martin End-Of-Year time off.  Still waiting for UEB to pay a red cent.  Guess I shoulda checked the "Haven't tried to work in ages" button.  And, to celebrate, it's snowing.

Someone LOVED the snow... but it wasn't me...
And to top that off, I am spending the entirety of my morning either sneezing or swallowing snot.  So forgive any spelling miscues, I'm working with eyes at 3/4 power.

ITEM:  So I have to tell you Saturday night's lovely story.  Laurie had just downloaded some dippy number game on her Kindle Fire, and was having a hard time figuring out the rules.  Consulting the game produced a set of instructions that sounded as if a Chinese 2nd-grader wrote them.  So she checked on the internet, and it took her to a porn site that wouldn't go away.  After KC and I got done with the requisite joking, we tried to help her get rid of it- and found the only way to do so was to delete everything down to factory default and download all her stuff all over again.  This did the job, but I decided we should extend our AV protection to her device.  We hadn't done that before, but since Laurie decided to dive into the realm of seedy skin flicks, I figured it necessary.

I quickly found out that to do this, her KF had to have an e-mail account- and KF doesn't like anything from Microsoft.  Which meant paying off our main e-mail, AND the one I hadda open a few months back when I got screwed by Kapersky the last time, would not work.  So I had to set up a g-mail account- which meant that I had to set up a SECOND Google account, or else g-mail would have tried to be our main e-mail.  So, after about two hours of dildo jokes, password creation, and Laurie cussing out slow downloading and some KF password protection she wanted and we never did figure out, she should be safe from Ron Jeremy love notes.  All of that to play something called 1-3-2-4.

I shoulda just told her to take a shoe off...

ITEM:  First thing, I'd like to add a little addendum to Saturday's post.  We hear so much about, "Why don't Muslims stand up to the dirtbag terrorist groups?" but never really see the MSM point out when they do.  Here are a few more examples:

In Iraq, they actually have a reality show that calls out these douchebags:

"In the Grip of the Law," brings convicted terrorists face-to-face with victims in surreal encounters and celebrates the country's beleaguered security forces. The show, produced by state-run Iraqiyya TV, is among dozens of programs, cartoons and musical public service announcements aimed at shoring up support for the troops after their humiliating defeat last summer at the hands of the Islamic State group, which now controls about a third of the country.

The show leads the viewer through the evidence leading to the vermin-of-the-day's arrest, and then gives the victims a chance to "speak"- or whatever- with said douchebag.

On a chilly, overcast day last week, the crew arrived at the scene of one of the attacks for which Motar was convicted, with a heavily armed escort in eight military pick-up trucks and Humvees. Passing cars clogged the road to watch the drama unfold, but were quickly shooed away by soldiers.

After being pulled from an armored vehicle, a shackled Motar found himself face-to-face with the seething relatives of the victims of the attack. "Give him to me — I'll tear him to pieces," one of the relatives roared from behind a barbed wire barrier.

A cameraman pinned a microphone on Motar's bright yellow prison jumpsuit as he stood alongside a busy Baghdad highway looking bewildered by his surroundings.

"Say something," the cameraman said to him.

"What am I supposed to say?" a visibly panicked Motar asked.

"It's a mic check! Just count: 1,2,3,4..."

I'd have told him, "Start with kissing your ass goodbye..."

And if you hadn't seen this story yet:

An employee of the kosher supermarket in Paris that was attacked on Friday was hailed as hero after he was credited as saving 15 people trapped inside.
Lassana Bathily, a 24-year-old Muslim from Mali, said he took 15 people in the store's basement and hid them inside a freezer.
"When they came out they congratulated me. They told me 'thank you, really'. I said 'it's nothing, that's life'," Bathily recalled.

This, douchebag terrorists, is a true Muslim- and a hero.
And finally, one I left out on Saturday:

PRAGUE -- Thousands of Czechs have pledged to eat a kebab on January 9 as part of a mass action launched on Facebook aimed at supporting the country's Muslim residents.

The "A Kebab Against Idiocy" campaign in support of the country's tiny Muslim population -- one of several similar initiatives on social media -- comes in response to controversial remarks by a populist politician attacking Islamic practices. 

On January 3, Tomio Okamura, whose populist Dawn of Direct Democracy holds 14 mandates in the 200-seat Czech parliament, posted a 14-point treatise on his Facebook page about how to protect Czechs’ "democratic way of life" from the threat posed by radical Islam.

Okamura's post -- which he said was drafted by a party colleague -- suggested reminding Muslims that the country's "hospitality has its limits." He called on Czechs to walk dogs and pigs -- both of which are regarded as unclean in Islam -- past mosques. 

For good measure, he also also suggested pub owners whose premises were near such facilities should give their businesses new names like The Good Dog or The Happy Pig. Okamura even launched a scathing attack on what he called Islam’s "cruel" animal-slaughtering practices and called for a ban on halal meat.

"Every kebab we buy is another step toward burqas," he wrote. "How will they taste to your wife when she has to eat them with a veil on her face?"

Funny how a Japanese-Czech thinks his country should kick Muslims out, eh?  Not as funny as the popular reaction:

The organizers of one of the Facebook campaigns, called A Kebab for Tomio, say Okamura's claims are "ridiculous," adding that it was impossible to "respond seriously" to the idea that "the sale of kebabs financed terrorism and eating them thus became an ideological issue."

So now we'll be dealing with a Macadamia nut shortage AND a kebob shortage this year.  What next?

ITEM: Can you imagine Richie Rich doing this?

The son of a millionaire Manhattan hedge fund founder who allegedly gunned down his dad over his allowance has been arraigned on a second-degree murder charge, authorities said.  Thomas Gilbert Jr., 30, was also charged with criminal possession of a weapon and criminal possession of forgery devices in the Sunday killing of his 70-year-old father.

A law enforcement source told the New York Post that Thomas Gilbert Jr. had just been told by his father that he would only receive $400 for spending money per month from that point on in addition to $2,400 per month for rent. The younger Gilbert had previously received $600 per month.

"You cut my allowance 200 bucks.  I'm gonna kill you."  A thirty year old man GETTING an allowance is bad enough...

ITEM:  Sometimes, you wonder if job resumes really get read...

Opening a Champagne bottle with nothing but your bare hands and a knife can be a pretty cool party trick -- but only if you nail it. Emily Walker, wine director for Four Seasons Vancouver, did not -- and she showed the world.

"One, two ... That is not how it's usually done," Walker says, laughing.
After her fail, she let Global News anchor Steve Darling try it, and he fared just about as well as she did.

Although he didn't get Champagne all over himself.

What the two were trying to do is called "sabering." It's that cool trick where you whisk the Champagne cork off with a knife.  According to, you're supposed to remove the wire cage around the cork first, something Walker and Darling didn't do.

Maybe that's where they went wrong.

Word to the wise -- don't try this at home if you're not an expert.

Which you would think the wine director of a 5-star hotel would be...

ITEM: A week or so ago, we saw Lake Superior State's list of words that should be dropped from the lexicon.  Well, Wayne State annually challenges that with a list of words we need to use MORE.  Here's that list.

Caterwaul- I DO use that, usually in connection with Aretha Franklin.
Concinnity- "The skillful and harmonious arrangement or fitting together of the different parts of something."  A word I rarely use for Aretha Franklin.
Knavery- Another one I have used...
Melange- This one, too...
Opsimath- "Some one who learns late in life."  I don't use it, but I DO it...
Philistine- I didn't know this dropped out of use.  Guess Autocorrect can't spell it.
Rapscallion- Use this one, as well.
Subtopia- "Monotonous urban sprawl of standardized buildings."  Sounds like one Lake Superior might get around to NEXT year..

And my favorite:  Obambulate- and it don't mean anything like you think.  It means, "To walk about."

Well, maybe that WAS what you were thinking...
ITEM:  Does your teenager think it's hard to get a drivers licence HERE?  Check this out:

Russia has listed transsexual and transgender people among those who will no longer qualify for driving licences.  Fetishism, exhibitionism and voyeurism are also included as "mental disorders" now barring people from driving.  The government says it is tightening medical controls for drivers because Russia has too many road accidents.  "Pathological" gambling and compulsive stealing are also on the list. 

I would bet that in Russia, when people talk about someone being pulled over, they don't ask, "What'd he blow?" like they do here...

ITEM:  Malaysia comes up with the solution to the homeless problem:

Two thousand invitations were sent out to disadvantaged people for the Ministry of Federal Territories' open house event, including 300 reserved for those sleeping rough (AKA homeless), the Malay Mail reports. While the government usually gives out cash on such occasions, this time it decided to give presents. But the gifts selected - coffee-makers, electric whisks and cooking stoves - have raised eyebrows among some volunteer groups. "It was a nice gesture and although I think those gifts might have been sponsored, we must understand these people don't even have a place to stay, let alone a place to operate their coffee maker or cooking stove," Munirah Abdul Hamid, founder of the Pertiwi Soup Kitchen in Kuala Lumpur, tells the website.

But the government wasn't discouraged...

 The federal territories minister, Tengku Adnan, concedes the event wasn't perfect, describing it as a "trial-and-error experience", and doesn't mind if people sell the gifts for money. "They can do as they please," he says. "Next year, we will improve and give something else to the homeless."

ITEM:  When you think of cheating athletes in college, you think the big name powers- the North Carolinas, the Texas Longhorns, (sorry, Holli), the USCs.  How about the Dartmouths?

(NEWSER) – One might expect students taking a class called "Sports, Ethics, and Religion" to know better, but Dartmouth College says that it's uncovered widespread cheating in a class with that title, reports Bloomberg. "I feel pretty burned by the whole thing," says class professor Randall Balmer, who says he found 43 kids were using a clicker to answer questions for absent students. "I’ve never faced anything on this scale before." After he made the bust, and reported it as an honor code violation, another 21 students came forward.

The class was aimed at jocks, and many of those accused are student athletes, notes the Valley News. 

To put in perspective, Dartmouth is Ivy League, which means that they don't play postseason football "so they don't interrupt their finals schedule"; the B-Ball team is currently 6-7.  But the lightweight rowing team isn't doing too bad...

ITEM:  Maybe they should serve macadamia nuts...

Chinese police detained 25 angry plane passengers who opened emergency exit doors before take-off after their flight was delayed by snow.  The passengers were forced to wait in their seats for hours late Friday and early Saturday after their China Eastern flight from the southwest city of Kunming to Beijing was delayed, Xinhua news agency said.

After requesting that they be allowed off the plane for health reasons, some passengers "opened three emergency doors in an attempt to stop the flight" and forced the plane to return to the terminal, a passenger was cited saying.  They were members of a 25-person travel group which got "overly excited", leading to the opening of the doors.

One passenger told Xinhua that those on board were worried that the vice captain could not control himself after he "swore and cursed", the agency said.  The plane had already been delayed for five hours before they boarded, only to face further delays while ice was cleared from the aircraft, the report said.

China's growing wealth has seen a boom in air travel over the past decade, but its airports are plagued with delays and incidents of unruly passenger behaviour have risen.

Last month a budget flight from Thailand to China was forced to return to Bangkok after a Chinese passenger threw hot water at a cabin attendant.  Chinese state-run media branded four unruly passengers on board as "barbarians," reporting that one of them had threatened to blow up the plane in a row over a seating arrangement.  An airport in Kunming saw chaotic scenes in 2013, when thousands of angry passengers were stranded for hours after thick fog delayed flights.  Passengers stuck at the airport for more than a day struggled with airline staff, damaging computer equipment belonging to an airline, while police broke up scuffles.

In 2012 a plane carrying 200 people from Zurich to Beijing was forced to turn back after a fight between two Chinese passengers.

ITEM:  Finally, I have to share with you something guaranteed to brighten your day... The Washington Post's Joe Biden random Compliment Generator!  Persed from Joe's actual compliments to Democrat members of Congress at their swearing in ceremonies, it's hours of wholesome entertainment for the whole family!  As Joe would say...

"This is a happy day."

ITEM:  And the answer to that first question:  NO, it's not racist!  There are two very good, non-racist reasons for sending the AG rather than Joe or Kerry:

1- Holder is the highest ranking official in the administration Obama can send with some hope they won't say something stupid;

and 2- He wanted to give Holder one more trip on the taxpayer dime before he cleans out his desk!


  1. Chris:
    God Lord, I had no idea there had been THAT much lunacy over the weekend...LOL.
    (becoming commonplace...such a MELANGE of KNAVERY from these PHILISTINES)

    Love the Scrappy pics...

    As to the champagne bottle...never had a problem, uncorking a bottle. never had such an accident.
    Only issue I had was WHERE the cork wound up after it's unintended airborne antics...LOL
    Imagine my surprise THIS year, when I tried to uncork a TWIST-OFF cap...who changed THAT?
    (btw, it's damn impossible - easier to twist it)

    Another excellent report (from the trenches).

    Stay safe and warm up there, brother.

    1. Don't forget to go get your happy word from Joe!

  2. It appears that we got more snow than you did. The hero looks tired.

    1. Likely my page grab was from his 7,000th interview...

  3. So. Much. Information...

    I have no idea where to start. I had no idea you could get a virus in your Kindle. I suppose I'm lucky it's never happened. We just spent half of Sunday with the cable guy trying to get the Ethernet connection working on Oldest's computer. I'm good with the basics, but once he started designing game templates and writing program, I was done. WAY to many hackers out there, and we were no match.

    Although the snow started early this year, we haven't had much more than a dusting since I "officially" gave Tony the snow blower for Christmas. Poor thing... he just looks at his shiny new toy, all gassed up ready to go, and whimpers a bit.

    I assured him.... the snow's 'a coming. :)

    1. We have whole neighborhoods here bitching about either the city or their contracor falling down on the job. Tony could probably make good bank coming out here for a day or two...

  4. I'm so very happy to know the real reason as to whom the Prez sent over to Paris. Thank you for clearing that up! LOL. As for the porn on the Kindle...I have no problem...hahahahaha! You're too funny Chris!