Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Martin World News



Well, it's that time again, and here I come with the latest in stupidity...

ITEM:  Just one quote for the "That goes without saying" file:

WASHINGTON (AP) — In a rare admission of error, the White House said Monday that President Barack Obama or another high-level representative should have joined dozens of world leaders at an anti-terror rally in Paris.
While leaders from Europe, the Middle East and Africa linked arms for Sunday's march through the boulevards of Paris, the United States was represented by its ambassador to France. Attorney General Eric Holder was in Paris for security meetings but did not attend the march.
"It's fair to say we should have sent someone with a higher profile," White House spokesman Josh Earnest said. 





Barack Obama.... making America look like idiots since 1997.

ITEM: So the mighty Boko Haram, capable of kidnapping unarmed civilians and defeating what passes for a military in Nigeria, got clobbered when they tried to take their game to Cameroon:

Issa Tchiroma, Cameroon's communication minister and government spokesperson, told Al Jazeera that between 200 and 300 Boko Haram fighters had been killed in the attack.

And the reason that so many of these big brave Muslim extremists got killed?

Sources said Kolofata is on a hill, which gave Cameroonian troops strategic advantage over Boko Haram fighters.


So let's put this into perspective:  Not bright enough NOT to attack a heavily guarded position uphill from themselves... but still takes Nigeria to the mat on a daily basis...


ITEM:  My favorite item of the show- a new twist on an old story:

A woman has been arrested after she reportedly chopped off her cheating husband's penis twice.
According to The Mirror, the woman flew into a rage once she discovered her 32-year-old husband, father of five children, had been having an affair.
Fan Lung reportedly used his wife's phone to send photos to his mistress, 21-year-old Zhang Hung, in the city of Shangqiu.
But his wife Feng, 30, found the image and in a rage grabbed the scissors and stormed into the room where he was sleeping, and attacked him.
He was taken to hospital and emergency surgery was performed - but the wife returned to the hospital and cut it off for a second time, reportedly throwing it out of the window where it was lost.

According to The Mirror, a hospital spokesman said: "The first we were aware of what happened was when someone came into the reception area to say a naked man was beating up a woman outside the hospital.
"Staff rushed out to see what was happening and found the patient with blood streaming down his legs hitting the woman.
"He was stopped and the woman was taken in for treatment, and then we discovered she had chopped his penis off again."
Doctors and police officers combed the area outside but failed to find the man’s missing member. They believed it may have been taken by a stray dog or cat.



For the record, this is SO not funny.


ITEM: So what do you do when you're passed-out drunk and need to get home to your 7-y-o son in China?



...why, you call that son to drive your three-wheeler 12 miles down busy streets to come pick you up!

For SOME reason, this incident has gone viral in China as the qualifications of the father (seen here passed out with his feet up in the wagon) to be a father are hotly debated.  But before you condemn him TOO badly, at least he had a designated driver...


ITEM: And now, a good story...

Russian stray cat is being hailed as a hero for using her warm snuggles to save the life of a baby abandoned in a cardboard box near Moscow.
Residents of an apartment building in the city of Obninsk said they heard the cat, dubbed Masha by residents who leave her food, meowing for help Jan. 10 near the building's entrance and they followed the sound to find the feline keeping a baby warm in a cardboard box.

The residents said the baby had apparently been abandoned next to the building's entrance in the box with some food and diapers.





Paramedics said the cat attempted to get into the ambulance with the baby, but was forced to stay behind. Witnesses said Masha seemed to be waiting at the side of the road to see if the vehicle was going to return with the child.

Police said they are working to identify the infant's parents.

Residents said they are rewarding Masha for her heroic deed by showering her in treats and her favorite foods.


Three cheers for Masha!

ITEM:  Some good animals, some bad animals...

RAMAT GAN, Israel, Jan. 16 (UPI) -- An Israeli zoo said it has fired a security guard whose on-the-job snooze was blamed for the on-camera escape of three female rhinos.
The Ramat Gan Safari park near Tel Aviv said the guard fell asleep while manning an open side gate at the facility and the three female rhinos, named Rihanna, Keren Peles and Karnabella, were able to sneak past him.

Passersby alerted police to the rhino escape and the three animals were recorded by a CCTV camera being chased by a zoo manager.

ITEM:  And from Chicago, home of our beloved President...


CHICAGO, Jan. 15 (UPI) -- A Chicago neighborhood group is defending its decision to give a neighborhood beautification award to a strip club, saying the winner was voted on by residents.
The Albany Park Neighbors group said the Block Star Award -- described on its website as a prize for "local businesses who are going above and beyond in the fight against litter, while also providing great customer service and going the extra mile for our community" -- was given to the Admiral Theatre after voting by neighborhood residents using its Facebook group.


Now I have known to appreciate the beauty of strip clubs in the past... I would have never thought of giving one a neighborhood award.  Certain employees, maybe...


...but not the bouncer, lol...

ITEM: In oh-so-progressive Sweden, sex ed for kids has taken a turn... and they are fighting a battle with YouTube censors to show it:

"Snoppen och snippan," from SVT public television kids' show Bacillakuten, features cartoon penises and vaginas bopping along to a song featuring lyrics such as, "Here comes the penis at full pace," and "the vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly."






I was going to just do the story, but the cartoon is just TOO funny....


ITEM:  And now we know how the dinosaurs really went extinct- and it wasn't beavers or squirrels:


COVENTRY, England, Jan. 12 (UPI) -- Firefighters in Britain said they extinguished a warehouse blaze blamed for wiping out a herd of eight animatronic dinosaurs.
The West Midlands Fire Service said crews responded Friday morning to a fire at the Besp-Oak furniture company's warehouse in Coventry, England, and they discovered a group of eight 9-foot-tall animatronic dinosaurs, including a Tyrannosaurus Rex, were burned down to their metal framework when a lamp fell from the ceiling and ignited the blaze.


ITEM:Oh, those enterprising entrepreneurs of Costa Rica...


Police in Guapiles, Costa Rica, are stumped at how a woman was able to steal a plasma TV set by sticking it up her skirt.

The shocking theft occurred two months ago, but is being made public in hopes of finding the robber, ABC Chicago reports.

Surveillance video shows two unidentified females walking into an unnamed store. One of the women is wearing a flowing skirt and somehow is able to tuck a flat screen television between her legs.





...And, if you watch the video,, you'll see she manages a damn fine job walking out with something that big between her legs!  Really makes one wonder...


ITEM:  Thirsty?


An Icelandic micro-brewery has announced its new beer will be flavoured with smoked whales' testicles, it's been reported.

The Stedji brewery's Hvalur 2 beer is being sold for a limited period to mark the Icelandic midwinter month of Thorri, the Visir website reports. The testicles of fin whales - which are an endangered species - are cured "according to an old, Icelandic tradition" before being salted and smoked, with one being used per brewing. "We want to create a true Thorri atmosphere, and therefore we decided to use smoked testicles from fin whales for flavouring the beer," says Dagbjartur Ariliusson, a co-owner of the brewery. "We put a lot of effort into this and it's a long process.


Well, I'm sure it would be better than Hamms was, but...


ITEM:  And what would MWN be without a slap at what passes for science these days?

The Nasa climate scientists who claimed 2014 set a new record for global warmth last night admitted they were only 38 per cent sure this was true.
In a press release on Friday, Nasa’s Goddard Institute for Space Studies (GISS) claimed its analysis of world temperatures showed ‘2014 was the warmest year on record’.
The claim made headlines around the world, but yesterday it emerged that GISS’s analysis – based on readings from more than 3,000 measuring stations worldwide – is subject to a margin of error. Nasa admits this means it is far from certain that 2014 set a record at all.
Yet the Nasa press release failed to mention this, as well as the fact that the alleged ‘record’ amounted to an increase over 2010, the previous ‘warmest year’, of just two-hundredths of a degree – or 0.02C. The margin of error is said by scientists to be approximately 0.1C – several times as much.

But by God... er, by golly, it's a record!!!!

The article goes on to mention that despite the scientists' reluctance to admit it, the whole schemology (another new MWN word?) is flawed:

Dr David Whitehouse, of the Global Warming Policy Forum, said ‘there has been no statistically significant warming trend since 1997’ – because the entire increase over this period was smaller than the error margin.

Thank you to the Daily Mail for letting us in on what the inteligencia wouldn't.  SAL-UTE!


ITEM:  Finally, reason #1,267 on why you should be glad you don't live in Mother Russia:

A Russian politician has irked residents in St Petersburg by saying people should clear snow from the city's streets themselves, it's reported.

Deputy Governor Igor Albin made the comment after city authorities were criticised for not keeping the roads clear following heavy snow, the Meduza news website reports. One complaint came from magazine editor Pavel Smolyak, who says in a Facebook post that he slipped and almost fell over because the road hadn't been cleared. But there isn't much sympathy from Mr Albin, a member of the city's development and maintenance committees, who describes dependence on government services as "the disease of modern Russian society". People expect help to "do their dishes, maintain the yard, raise their children, protect them from foreign aggressors, and put things in order in their country and their home", he says. Mr Albin suggests that instead of watching television, people should grab a shovel and get digging, adding that physical activity is "good for one's health and helps to order one's thoughts".


For pity's sake, don't let Mayor Tom Henry read this!!!!

"Why, we could save thousands of dollars in Bobby G.'s neighborhood alone... oh, wait, we already do!"

8 comments:

  1. Hmm. There seems to be a recurring theme in this post...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Of course there is! Odd news stories...

      Delete
  2. Only you can get whale nuts, severed penises, dancing lady parts, and heroic cats all into one post. :)

    Any thoughts on the deflated balls of the Patriots? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, THAT theme. I just take what the good news gives me.

      As for ballgate, not a big thing to me. Kinda like how the Cubs used to water down the infield when the Willie McGee Cardinals came to town. Anyone but the Pats, it's a non- story. I'd be surprised if they lost a conditional draft pick over it.

      Delete
  3. What the hell no bloody way I could carry a tv between my legs...............

    I feel sorry for Masha she thought the baby was hers since she found it.

    The penis and vagina clip was catchy just saying

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I started laughing right off the bat.

      Delete
    2. Chris:
      ---Seeing the WH admit to anything wrong is nothing less than ASTOUNDING.
      --- A twice-chopped winky? Given the country it happened it, you could bet there was only ONE shot at getting it back. Some mutt got some "nom-noms".
      ---That RUSSIAN CAT story is a great one...make that feline the new PRESIDENT there.
      ---Bet those rhinos that got out in Israel had some fun..and that guard should be looking
      for a new job.
      ---Only in CHI-TOWN would a strip-joint be called a "beautification effprt" and be AWARD-WORTHY.
      (sounds like Fort Wayne's future on the SE side...LOL)
      ---I know the Swedes are known for sex films, but that cartoon? LMAO!
      --- I saw that woman snag the TV..two words - THICK THIGHS.
      (and no returns if it doesn't work)
      ---whale testes in beer? Might make PABST taste better...lol.
      (and that's why I drink GUINESS)
      ---LOVE the climate change BS-fest...even those who agree on it, can't agree about ALL
      of it, and not ALL the time...so why waste the effort?
      (because they can and it's BIG money)
      Nice shot at Neil Tyson, too...hehe.
      ---The Russina snow-clearing story...brillinat...and I am ROFLMAO over the Kinfg Henry phot and caption...marvelous (and probably true).
      Great report.

      Stay classy & safe up there, brother

      Delete
    3. Whoa there, cowboy, what's wrong with PBR?

      Delete