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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Martin World News


ITEM:  Just because Blogger's being stupid again, I'll start by mentioning that I had to reload my home page FIVE TIMES before it stopped telling me "You're not following any blogs."  What a selfish pig I am!  BTW, I did complain about it on a message board.  They didn't like it when I translated their reply as, "Just grin and bear it."  Wah.  Wah.

ITEM: My thoughts are with those who are going through tropical storm  Winter Storm Juno.  We had a bit of it Sunday- albeit our end of it rapidly declined from "3 to 5 inches" to "1 to 2 inches" to "less than an inch, but with some really nasty winds."  With the micro-flakes we were getting, it snowed most of the day and it looked like we were going to get just what they said the last time...


After nearly 7 hours of constant snowing, grass wasn't even covered at 4 PM...

 But right about the time it was supposed to stop, it kicked it in the butt and we ended up with just about three inches...




In other words, just a typical winter in Indiana.




ITEM:  From the Tim Taylor file of home remodelling:

(NEWSER) – Picture this: You've just stepped out of your New York home for a bit to run errands. You return to find the home completely demolished ... by your own husband. That's what happened to Diane Andryshak on Monday, News 12 reports. Her husband, James Rhein, 48, rented a bulldozer while she was out and tore the Middletown house down, along with everything inside it; as the Times Herald-Record notes, the only thing that wasn't razed is part of the front steps. He says the 840-square-foot house was falling apart and needed to come down, NBC New York reports, but his wife had no idea of his plans. When she got home, says a neighbor, "She was in the middle of the road screaming, her house, what happened to her house?" Andryshak, who is the legal owner of the house, says they were doing repairs on it and weren't staying there at the time, but she has no idea why her husband of nine years decided it had to come down.


Of course, he didn't bother to take anything out;  the debris included " all his wife's clothes and medications, appliances, etc., a neighbor tells CBS New York—and is facing a felony criminal mischief charge. He says he attempted to get a permit for the demolition but couldn't since the relevant office was closed Monday—a federal holiday. He also says he tried to call his wife before starting the project, but she didn't answer. "  And once again, the cart finishes a few furlongs ahead of the horse.

ITEM:  Speaking of disasters, there was a collision the other day in Phoenix featuring a bus, a dump truck... and a flasher:



Shortly after the Monday afternoon crash in central Phoenix a man ran out from behind a nearby row of bushes and flashed everyone gathered in the area before running away, according to passengers at the scene.

The flasher seized the opportunity that arose after the bus was leaving a stop in the area at about 1 p.m. Monday, according to passengers and eye witnesses.


Apparently the assembled audience included the disembarking bus passengers, the nearby construction workers, and the usual slew of rubberneckers, all of which got a little more than they were expecting.


ITEM: The only (non-perverted) sex-themed item of the show today, a story worthy of Walt Disney:



Zookeepers in Israel have uncovered evidence of a porcupine love affair between a captive female and a wild male, it's been reported.

Dorit the porcupine has been living at the Ramat Gan Safari Park in Israel for eight years, since being orphaned as a baby. Unable to survive in the wild, she lives alongside three eagle owls, but it seems she is also getting some porcupine affection by night, the Haaretz website reports. Staff were baffled when they found porcupine droppings outside her enclosure, and after a spiky creature was spotted on the other side of the wire, they feared the worst, thinking Dorit had made a break for freedom. A night-time camera proved otherwise. "The mystery was solved," the zoo says in a statement. "Dorit had a secret lover."

The camera footage showed a large male porcupine visiting Dorit each night for a few hours of one-on-one time, separated only by the enclosure's bars. Staff are surprised by his consistent interest because it isn't mating season, and they don't know how he gets into the safari park. "If he's hiding inside the park, he's doing it very efficiently," spokeswoman Sagit Horowitz tells Haaretz. The discovery has left them with a dilemma over whether to let the pair unite. In the meantime, the droppings keep piling up, suggesting that Dorit's male suitor hasn't lost interest yet.


I'm guessing Dorit and her beau know a security guard who likes to sleep on the job, or has an in with the zoo's rhinos*.  What is it with Israeli zoos, anyway?

(*If you haven't read last week's MWN, shame on you!  You are now officially behind.)


ITEM:  Other than in reply to a comment asking my opinion here on the subject, I have stayed away from Deflategate- the mysterious losing of air by footballs in the recent Patriots/Colts playoff game.  Because I think the whole thing is retarded.  And to add proof to my thesis, here comes Bill Nye the Science Guy.  You see, Pats' coach Bill Belichick theorized that the rubbing done to the balls to rough up the skin prior to the game combined with the colder temps outside the locker room to make the air pressure drop.  Along comes Bill:

But what does science say about this? Well, Bill Nye the Science Guy appeared on Good Morning America this morning. His verdict on Belichick's was: "Pfffft."  As Deadspin reports, Nye offered: "I'm not too worried about coach Belichick competing with me. What he said doesn't make any sense."  Nye insisted that only an inflation needle could change the ball's pressure in some radical way. He also added: "I cannot help but say -- go Seahawks."

Science is not universally standing behind Nye, however. The boffins at HeadSmart Labs, who develop testing devices to aid in reducing sports concussions, did their own experiment.  They tested a temperature difference of 75 degrees and the game time on the field 51 degrees. They also wet the 12 brand new footballs to simulate real game time conditions on the day in question.

The moisture, these scientists argue, would increase the volume of the ball and decrease the pressure.


Let me give you another example.  My tires in the cold we have been enduring have chosen to drop below the car's "check tire pressure" threshold.  They might start out the morning say, 24, 24, 23, and 22 psi- but amazingly, within one mile, with no air injection tooling required, they suddenly are at 28, 27, 24, and 24.  Friction causes heat, which raises air pressure- and that pressure goes back down when the object cools.  So, yes, Belichick, while not honest, and certainly not the best of friends to Tom Brady after blaming it all on him, did make sense.  It isn't a wonder that Nye lost his debate against creationist Ken Ham.  He could probably lose a debate with canned ham.

At least it's swift...


ITEM: When the headline reads "Naked Violinist Sues Police, "  You know it's gotta be kinda funny...


PORTLAND, Ore. –  A Hillsboro, Oregon, man arrested after playing a violin while naked outside the federal courthouse in Portland last year is suing police.

The Oregonian reports that 25-year-old Matthew T. Mglej claims authorities used excessive force and violated his First Amendment rights. He named the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office and Portland Police Bureau as defendants in a lawsuit filed last week, and he's seeking $1.1 million in damages.

Police showed up after receiving complaints about the demonstration, during which the man played violin, meditated and quoted former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. They said they arrested him for indecent exposure and carried him to a patrol car when he refused to walk.

Mglej claims jail deputies cut his wrists by jerking on his handcuffs and called him names when he cried from the pain and for his service dog.

He has a hearing on the indecent exposure charge next month.


Okay, I have a lot to say here...

1- 


...Mglej and Ahmanutjob... separated at birth?

2-  With a name like Mglej, I think he's going to have a hard time proving that "calling him names" wasn't "trying to pronounce the unpronounceable".

3- Let's see if we can guess which of Ahmanutjob's quotes Matt was using.  Here are some choice possibilities:

-"I do hope that all nations can live in complete security and welfare."

-"Nuclear energy is the scientific achievement of the Iranian nation."

- "They (the Western powers) launched the myth of the Holocaust. They lied, they put on a show and then they support the Jews."

- "It is obvious that the African countries must be plundered of their wealth and resources. The major powers and despots are behind the development of these diseases (like HIV) so they could then sell their drugs and medical equipment to the poor countries."

- "I'm not anti-Jew. Jews are respected by everyone, like all human beings, and I respect them very much."

- “We will convert the entire world to Islam with our logic. We are confident that the Islamic logic, culture, and discourse can prove their superiority in all fields over all schools of thought and theories.”

And one more knee-slapper:

- "We thank God that our enemies are idiots. "  Ba dum-DUM!


ITEM:  A very un-funny story was about the fall of the New England Compounding Center, a prescription drug manufacturer whose negligence led to a score of deaths via tainted meningitis medicine.  What was somewhat amusing though, was that, in spite of the boss's admonitions to the workers making up fake names for patients to defraud the government- do not use names that may sound fake or celebrity- the workers failed miserably.  Here are just a few examples of the "patients" that NECC was billing medicare over:

Diana Ross, Michael Jackson, Chris Rock, and ALL the Baldwins;

Fat Albert, Ned Flanders, Chester Cheeto, Stuart Little, and Hugh Jass;

L.L. Bean, Filet O'Fish, Coco Puff, Tony Tiger;

Jimmy Carter, Bill Clinton, Betty Ford;

Calvin Klein, Harry Potter, Donald Trump, Jennifer Lopez, and Bob Barker;

And my very favorites, Mike Marker and Carol Sharpie.

In fact, the list I saw had 30 celebrities, two super-heroes (Silver Surfer and Wonder Woman), 12 misspelled celebrities (such as Cyndi Lopler) 4 companies or agencies, 7 cartoon or TV characters (including the misspelled Al Bundie), one sandwich, and two NASCAR drivers (Dale Jr. and Jimmie Johnson).  Not too conspicuous...


ITEM:  A couple of notes from the good old spam file:

One was a missive from a Amanda Novak, with the familiar story- I'm dying from fill-in-the-blank, and I'm donating my money to a stranger.  But, there was a bit of a twist:

I have decided to donate my money to you. I am also donating my body after i am gone for research.


They never want to donate BEFORE they're dying...  just saying.

Also, I had a spam comment the other day I would have sworn was typed by my daughter (God love her, English ain't her best subject):

Guess what I aam doing riight now!I'm consumong 
doughnut iin the middle of the evening and searching via your posts :D


Well, you go ahead and consumong that doughnut.  I won't stop you!

I do have one question for spellcheck, though.  You squiggle-line all the spelling mistakes on the spam comment BUT for "consumong"... but the time I type it, I get a squiggle.  What gives?

16 comments:

  1. TWO New England stories??? :) I'm loving the porcupine story... too cute. I'm sorry your snow storm was such a bummer. You can have some of ours... well over 2 feet, and still snowing hard with another 7 hours to go... if the news is right and it stops around 2 am.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Believe me, 3 inches vs two feet + is NOT a bummer...

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  2. We have a lot of grass showing. Lame Winter.

    I heard about the bulldozing on the radio. Supposedly she stayed with the husband. :-/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, the article mentioned that "they weren't having marriage problems" and she had made up with him. I'd take the keys away from him, too.

      Delete
  3. Chris:
    I will refrain from adding my usual 2 cents for every story...
    This stuff is too damn funny, and would detract fro,m the humor...or is that the STUPIDITY?

    Nice Scrappy pics...
    ---What does surprise me is the laziness of the "locals" in their inability to clear THEIR sidewalks or driveways in the crotch of Fort Wayne.
    I will say that the porcupine is NOT a quitter...lol

    An excellent report from the trenches.

    Stay safe and warm up there, brother.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But Bob, how will I know which bits were actually worthy?

      Delete
  4. That storm was such a bust. They talked about it all week-end on the TV news. I heard that the National Weather service apologized for blowing everything out of proportion.

    With the news we get over U.S. airwaves you'd think there was nothing significant happening in the rest of the world. I wonder who else in the world is having long discussions about deflated footballs?

    Arlee Bird
    A to Z Challenge Co-host
    Tossing It Out

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As I read your comment, the 6 o'clock news is talking about the news website that our governor was going to set up just for us... but the other party bitched about why we needed to spend public dollars on it... and now the plan is dribbling down his leg. Is it any wonder my go-to news sites are mainly non-domestic?

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  5. I found this both interesting and funny and I am not sure why, but the flasher and bus thing made me laugh I get picture him getting his thing caught in the doors and I don't know why my mind went there. What is with people wanting to be naked in public I find it disgusting and only funny when they get body parts caught in doors, yes I am disturbed Oh yeah the canned ham made me think of childhood Christmases as we would have sliced canned ham on toast for breakfast Christmas morning .

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    Replies
    1. That would havemade the story even funnier, but I'm afraid he made a clean getaway with all parts intact.

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  6. Tim's family is from Boston, and it is insane how much snow they got there. He said his aunt's car is completely buried from the snow, no sign of it at all. However, on another note...if we do not get some type of snow soon, Aubrey is going to lose it. She is dying to build a snow man. Greenwood has gotten zip, zilch, zero. Well, no, 1/2 inch. But still...come on snow! South of I-70 please!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Moving to Greenwood as we speak... jk

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  7. Considerable difference between "jerking on his handcuffs" and "jerking OFF on his handcuffs."
    One is just weird.
    I won't say which, though.

    ReplyDelete