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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Martin World News

ITEM:  These two women have something in common.  Meet...

Miranda Johns

 ..and Hannah Marie Haynes...

  And what, pray tell, do they have in common.  Well, to paraphrase the Bible, they have "Given up the use of men..." but not the way you think.  First came Miranda, who called the cops on a man for assault.  The man denied it, and then produced a video that showed Ms Johns having oral sex with two pet dogs, and explained that she was interested in having a menage-a-canis with the group- and suggested they could get a bigger dog for the purpose.

Hannah, however, went in a different direction.  She spent her "night of passion" with a dachshund- and also videotaped it, and sent it to a little more intelligent friend, who contacted the police.  Giving a new meaning to "doggie-style", I guess.

ITEM:  Possibly the best MWN story of the political season came when a Bernie Sanders rally in Portland OR had a very special guest speaker:

And there you have it- Bernie is officially for the birds.

ITEM:  Our good friends in Tadzhikistan have come through again...

President Emomali Rahmon's proposal was made at a Nowruz (new year) celebration in the capital Dushanbe, and would create formal holidays for the country's traditional new year activities, US-funded Radio Ozodi reports. If the idea becomes a reality, 22 March will be declared the "day of wrestlers" in Tajikistan, and the following two days will be celebrated as the "day of horse riders" and "day of flowers and planting" respectively, the Asia-Plus news website says.
According to Asia-Plus, a national wrestling tournament is being held in Dushanbe on 22 March this year, with a car being offered to the winner. Prizes for New Year horse races on 23 March include thoroughbred Tajik horses, but the capital's green-fingered citizens won't get huge prizes - they'll be getting public events on gardening instead.
This isn't the first time that Mr Rahmon has been involved in an unusual project. In October last year, he opened the National Tea House, a 43m (141ft) high building in the shape of a melon which can seat 2,000 people.

Because tea and melons go together like...

ITEM:  Meanwhile in China, the concepts of when to shower and when to eat got crossed up...

Runners in a marathon were left with a bad taste in their mouths when they mistook free bars of soap for energy bars in an incident that's been put down to the language barrier.
Some 20,000 runners at the Qingyuan marathon in south China's Guangdong province received a gift pack shortly after they crossed the finishing line, the People's Daily newspaper reports. Hoping to bite into what they thought was an energy bar, athletes instead got a mouthful of what turned out to be fruit-perfumed moisturising soap. Witnesses report many bars of soap, all with one bite missing, dumped at the roadside, and the problem appears to come from the fact that the soap packaging was written in English, which many runners did not understand, the paper's Chinese-language report noted.
The organisers of last Sunday's race were quick to apologise. "The packs of soap were indeed like food packaging. It is a negligent mistake on our part," an official told Yangtse Evening Post. There was also some concern over the level of injuries at the event, with 12,200 runners needing medical treatment or assistance during and after the race. It's not clear how many were the result of the soap incident.

Chinese social media users piled in to mock those who had taken a bite out of their "energy bars". One Weibo user urged the organisers to contact the Guinness Book of Records: "More than 10,000 people together eat soap. China is a land full of wonders". Another asked: "Why give them a bar of soap, to take a shower at the halfway point?" 

Chinese marathoners sure must cuss a lot...

ITEM:  Why do I often mention the wrath of the Broccoli Gods?

U.S. Customs and Border Protection said a shipment of fresh broccoli was seized in Texas when officers discovered it was hiding a different form of greenery -- 766 pounds of marijuana. The agency said officers with the Office of Field Operations at the Pharr International Bridge cargo facility inspected a semi truck hauling a shipment of fresh broccoli from Mexico Tuesday and discovered 661 packages of marijuana -- a total 766 pounds -- hidden among the vegetables.

The Broccoli Gods- they rule from on high.
ITEM: I just accidentally deleted the next story and can't find it!  So I must close today's report with my favorite story of the week...

ITEM:  Remember the story I did a few weeks back about the UK's Tesco store doing replacements when they were out of what the customer ordered online- replacements that don't do a good job of replacing?  Well, wait'll you get a load of the Easter "surprise" two little boys got:

That's right- instead of getting two bags of Cadbury eggs, 12 year old twins Matthew and James Bayley got ONE Chicken and BROCCOLI salad:

As you can see, they were far from thrilled...

A Tesco spokesperson said: “We’re investigating what led to this unusual substitution.”

Well, here in America we have an acronym, GIGO.... Tesco might want to look that up.


  1. Good ol' Tesco. Lol those poor kids...

    1. At least they weren't made to EAT it... right?

  2. Chris:
    Bestiality - just another nail in the coffin og the "decline of the human race", hmm?
    (pits a whole new slant on animal cruelty)
    ---Betcha the type of "tea" used there is for SMOKING.
    ---IRISH SPRING ENERGY BARS - how gauche`
    ---SO now they're trying BROCCOLI?
    ---I saw a DEA bust in Jersey where the haul was stashed in a truck full of ORANGES.
    (progress? Not really)
    ---Kids should NOT have to deal with problems WE, as adults get used to, right?
    (and WHATTA substitution it was - wonder if some SUBWAY got the Cadburys?)

    Very good report.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

    1. Stuffing it in oranges would prolly lend a lovely orange taste to the weed...

  3. Replies
    1. Thier bite was worse than their bark.

  4. Well, if you've ever eaten a power bar, then you know that if anything, a bar of soap would only taste better. Probably more natural, too.

    1. If they are anything like these Multi-weird grain-with-a-hint-of-chocolate bars I got the other day, I agree.