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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, August 1, 2016

Playing Newspage go vol 3

(Really just wanted to try out the spiffy new logo from Bobby G.!)

STOP #1: World's most unnecessary advice?

How about this for a no, crap, Sherlock  headline:

 Expert to Rio athletes: 'Don't put your head under water'

You just have to love the concept of the upcoming (or upchucking) games in Rio.  Despite having an enormous lead in time to get things in some semblance of readiness... well, hear it from Fox News:

The most contaminated points are the Rodrigo de Freitas Lagoon, where Olympic rowing will take place, and the Gloria Marina, the starting point for the sailing races. In March, 2015, sampling at the Lagoon revealed an astounding 1.73 billion adenoviruses per liter; this June, adenovirus readings were lower but still hair-raising at 248 million adenoviruses per liter. By comparison, in California, viral readings in the thousands per liter are enough to set off alarm bells.

Despite a project aimed at preventing raw sewage from flowing directly into the Gloria Marina through storm drains, the waters remain just as contaminated. The first sampling there, in March, 2015, showed over 26 million adenoviruses per liter; this June, over 37 million adenoviruses per liter were detected.

The phrase "Up shit creek" has never been so placed as a description of a nation that is apparently a 3.3 million square mile septic tank.  Even the tourist beaches- like Ipanema- are a source of concern.  The local guidelines allow 6 times the fecal coliform rate that California does, and they have even been consistently blowing that.  However...

While local authorities including Rio Mayor Eduardo Paes have acknowledged the failure of the city's water cleanup efforts, calling it a "lost chance" and a "shame," Olympic officials continue to insist Rio's waterways will be safe for athletes and visitors.

Keep in mind the IOC's executive committee voted 66-32 to take Rio over Madrid.  You can find their names at "Don'".

STOP # 2:  I know they say watch out for "People of Wal-Mart", but...

Our next headline:

Dog crashes car into Walmart

A witness tells WSAZ she was standing in front of the store (in Wayne, WV)when she noticed a car started moving from its parking space at the front of the lot in her direction.

The woman says the car slowly moved straight toward her, and she at first guessed the driver was someone she knew who was messing with her.

That is until she noticed the face of the driver was a dog's.

And that pooch continued through her and into the building itself.  Apparently an elderly lady had left the car running so the dogs (yes, plural) could enjoy the AC, but pooch #1 decided to put it into drive, while the shotgun canine managed to get his window to roll down so he could watch the impending catastrophe in style.  Both the dogs and the car are in reasonable health, and Fox mentions that the pooches' driving privileges have been suspended.

STOP # 3:  Hey, I saw that episode...

That would be the 1992 episode titled "The Contest."  What am I talking about?  The next headline...

Daily habit that made Seinfeld a millionaire

Okay, so it wasn't THAT habit.  But tell me you wouldn't have thought the same thing?   Actually, the habit was to "write something every day."  Or at least until you need glasses, amIright?

Alright, pizza is here so that concludes today's match!  I'm out!


  1. Chris:
    Hey, that turned out pretty darn well...heh.
    ---Yeah, Rio is a DISASTER waiting for a time to happen (which should be this week, if the calendar is correct).
    Human waste (and I heard reports of body parts?) in the bay there...maybe a NEW Olympic event? How about DEBRIS DODGING...kinda like a SLALOM course for swimmers and boaters? EEwwwww!
    ---A DOG driving? Doesn't surprise me (given the lack of brainpower by the human owners), but I am waiting to read about a CAT or (better yet) a FISH behind the wheel.
    That, I'd PAY to see.
    ---Never was a Seinfeld fan, so I might need some "splainin" on THAT one, partner.

    Good post.

    Stay safe and cool up there, brother.

    1. Due to the family nature of this post, YOU will have to look up that episode yourself, lol!

  2. Kramer was the first one out, right? So funny.
    And I keep laughing about the shotgun pooch who rolled the window down - wanting to cruise into Walmart with the best view possible. Thanks for this entertainment, CW - oh, except the Rio water. I won't get into that crap. Gross.

    1. You know, that may have been the only episode of Seinfeld I ever watched. My timing is amazing.

  3. Yeah if one wanted to turn on the kitchen tap to have a shower Rio is the place to go, oh so I hear...........I have seen some two legged dogs (bitches) driving around here just saying.

  4. That's a big GROSS on Rio, I'm always excited to watch the olympocs from my couch. On a related note, when we were kids they had them here in Atlanta and the guy with the Olympic torch ran past our street and through our town. Super exiting right, lol

    1. As long as no one was shouting "Sherman's Army is here!" behind him...

  5. Write something everyday and I'll become a millionaire. It sounds so easy. How come it hasn't worked for me yet? I must be doing something horribly wrong. Maybe I need to write to him?