What's in a name?

A few days ago, Bobby G and I were politically incorrectly discussing some of the... err, imaginative... names that some of the locals who end up becoming guests of the county lock-up sport.  It began with a recently arrested felon whose birth name was Darquevion- which explains why he was going by the little more digestible nickname of "Pooder".  Bob made the understandable comment asking where these names are invented, to which I had the shameful yet accurate reply:

Name game: You KNOW that all these names come from a slot-machine like device that churns up a 2-letter beginning like La or Da, or sometimes a single letter with an apostrophe; a four to six letter "core word" which is basically a random pick of any six consecutive letters in the Chicago metro phone book; and a three letter ending such as "ius" or "ion" or "dry".


And so it was with this very thing on my mind I later perused the NFL's cut list.  Hang with me, non-sports fans.  The cut list is merely the guys that didn't make the teams as they cut down their rosters for the upcoming season.  And all I want to share here is not football skills (or lack thereof) but proficiency with that very slot machine I described above.  Ready?


Khaynin
Devaunte
Joplo
Lamarcus
Amarlo
Blidi
Mathu
DeVeir
Seantavius
Javontee
Ejiro
Crezdon
Quinshad
Quanterus
Dreamius
Avius
Ishmaa'ily
Kimario
Donteea
Tyrequek
Iosia (first and last)
Montario
Quayshawn
Kristjan

Amazingly, only one of these got the dreaded red squiggle- Donteea.  Seantavius did have a squiggle, but I discovered that I HAD spelled it wrong.

Once upon a time, to make fun of someone's name we had to rely on ill-given last names (like fellow cut-ee Zach Hocker or the guy that beat him out, Ryan Succop*).  And even longer ago, you had to work even harder at it- or get some help from the prospective name of amusement.  For example, back in the mid thirties, a player came to the Major Leagues with the unwieldy name of Johannes Dicksus.  This was too much, apparently, for one player to bear, so he changed it- to Johnny Dickshot.  Yes, Dickshot.  And if that weren't bad enough, he was the self-declared "ugliest man in Baseball", at least until Andy Etchebarren dethroned him in the '60s.

(* I'm not for sure that Succop and Hocker were on the same team.  But Succop still has a job and Hocker will have to wait until Cody Parkey misses three of his first five extra points, so it's all good.)