Follow by Email

What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Wednesday, August 31, 2016

What's in a name?

A few days ago, Bobby G and I were politically incorrectly discussing some of the... err, imaginative... names that some of the locals who end up becoming guests of the county lock-up sport.  It began with a recently arrested felon whose birth name was Darquevion- which explains why he was going by the little more digestible nickname of "Pooder".  Bob made the understandable comment asking where these names are invented, to which I had the shameful yet accurate reply:

Name game: You KNOW that all these names come from a slot-machine like device that churns up a 2-letter beginning like La or Da, or sometimes a single letter with an apostrophe; a four to six letter "core word" which is basically a random pick of any six consecutive letters in the Chicago metro phone book; and a three letter ending such as "ius" or "ion" or "dry".

And so it was with this very thing on my mind I later perused the NFL's cut list.  Hang with me, non-sports fans.  The cut list is merely the guys that didn't make the teams as they cut down their rosters for the upcoming season.  And all I want to share here is not football skills (or lack thereof) but proficiency with that very slot machine I described above.  Ready?

Iosia (first and last)

Amazingly, only one of these got the dreaded red squiggle- Donteea.  Seantavius did have a squiggle, but I discovered that I HAD spelled it wrong.

Once upon a time, to make fun of someone's name we had to rely on ill-given last names (like fellow cut-ee Zach Hocker or the guy that beat him out, Ryan Succop*).  And even longer ago, you had to work even harder at it- or get some help from the prospective name of amusement.  For example, back in the mid thirties, a player came to the Major Leagues with the unwieldy name of Johannes Dicksus.  This was too much, apparently, for one player to bear, so he changed it- to Johnny Dickshot.  Yes, Dickshot.  And if that weren't bad enough, he was the self-declared "ugliest man in Baseball", at least until Andy Etchebarren dethroned him in the '60s.

(* I'm not for sure that Succop and Hocker were on the same team.  But Succop still has a job and Hocker will have to wait until Cody Parkey misses three of his first five extra points, so it's all good.)


  1. Chris:
    I bow to your superior intellect when it comes to finding names of sports figures that "make their mark".
    And the "times past" aspect of names (Christian and Surnames) was refreshing...and TRUE.
    I sometimes wonder about a few of the names (especially in football and basketball), but when it comes to RACING (organic or manufactured types), HOCKEY, SAILING we STILL have those good old names like JOHN...or WILLIAM. This also applies to foreign drivers/jockeys.
    Hell even those French-Canadian names are names we can recognize (and SPELL

    Good POV on this.
    Maybe you can toss us a follow-up later on?
    (yeah, I like learnin' stuff...heh).

    Stay safe & dry up there, brother.

    1. I suppose I could do a list of the guys that MADE their teams... but yeah, I'm even better with the Russian, Finnish, and Czech names in hockey than some of these...

      Personal experience note: A girl that hired in the same time as me is named Jamilla. Not too bad, but she named her recent baby with the "Ja" from her name and all or part of the dad's name. I forget what the full name is, but she used to hang with a guy named Will, which made me ask some one, "What'd she name the kid? JaWilly?"

  2. Now if you make fun of someone's name it's a hate crime.

    I miss when people gave their children Christian names...oh, that's probably a hate crime, too.

    -Child Number 5

    1. Thus far no pitchfork-and-torch wielding minions have showed up, but the night's young.

  3. Really some parents need to be slapped, do they think how the name is going to sit with the child, no they don't they pick stupid odd names to be different when the child may feel that their name makes them a laughing stock, really what is with some parents and maybe if they said the name they have picked for their child over and over and over again they may pick something different.

    1. I don't think you can beat that kind of stupid with a stick...

  4. For the record, I don't think he's ugly.

    Have you ever seen the Key and Peele skit where one plays the teacher and is doing the roll call in front of the class? Hysterical... here's the link:

    1. HAH! That was retarded- but it surely made my point, LOLOLOL!

    2. Juli G:
      Just watched it...LMAO!

      My Wifey's a H.S.teacher and that was simply BRILLIANT!
      Thanks for sharing.

    3. I'm not a huge fan of K&P, but my teenage boys love them. :) Glad you liked it gentleman.

  5. Someone just beat me to posting a Key and Peele skit. However, the one I was thinking of was this one instead:

    1. Jeez, I hope these guys don't sue me for stealing their gig...

  6. I gave my daughter a unique name. Unique, not crazy. It's two first names in one ex: annmarie, but because of all the odd names in the world...teachers are always confused by it and messing it up.

    1. I think my kids got a double-dose of unique- KC and Shenandoah- and KC's mad enough about it (mother's fault). Can you think how pissed he'd be if I made it LaKC?

  7. I think you must have made all this up. That photo is Babe Ruth isn't it? If not then Babe Ruth was uglier--or shall we say funnier looking.

    Arlee Bird
    Tossing It Out

    1. No, Lee, I am not capable of coming up with such names. I believe you need an NAACP card to purchase one of the name game slot machines. And as far as how ugly Johnny D. was, we have only his word to go on.