A few days ago, Bobby G and I were politically incorrectly discussing some of the... err, imaginative... names that some of the locals who end up becoming guests of the county lock-up sport. It began with a recently arrested felon whose birth name was Darquevion- which explains why he was going by the little more digestible nickname of "Pooder". Bob made the understandable comment asking where these names are invented, to which I had the shameful yet accurate reply:
Name game: You KNOW that all these names come from a slot-machine like device that churns up a 2-letter beginning like La or Da, or sometimes a single letter with an apostrophe; a four to six letter "core word" which is basically a random pick of any six consecutive letters in the Chicago metro phone book; and a three letter ending such as "ius" or "ion" or "dry".
And so it was with this very thing on my mind I later perused the NFL's cut list. Hang with me, non-sports fans. The cut list is merely the guys that didn't make the teams as they cut down their rosters for the upcoming season. And all I want to share here is not football skills (or lack thereof) but proficiency with that very slot machine I described above. Ready?
Iosia (first and last)
Amazingly, only one of these got the dreaded red squiggle- Donteea. Seantavius did have a squiggle, but I discovered that I HAD spelled it wrong.
Once upon a time, to make fun of someone's name we had to rely on ill-given last names (like fellow cut-ee Zach Hocker or the guy that beat him out, Ryan Succop*). And even longer ago, you had to work even harder at it- or get some help from the prospective name of amusement. For example, back in the mid thirties, a player came to the Major Leagues with the unwieldy name of Johannes Dicksus. This was too much, apparently, for one player to bear, so he changed it- to Johnny Dickshot. Yes, Dickshot. And if that weren't bad enough, he was the self-declared "ugliest man in Baseball", at least until Andy Etchebarren dethroned him in the '60s.
(* I'm not for sure that Succop and Hocker were on the same team. But Succop still has a job and Hocker will have to wait until Cody Parkey misses three of his first five extra points, so it's all good.)