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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.

SOCK IT TO ME BABY!!!

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Trying to play Newspage go... but it won't go




So it's been a really slow month for funny stuff in the news, which was my bread-and-butter here throughout the summer.  Maybe it is just that things have gotten so frayed and heated, nobody ANYWHERE is having any fun.  Or it could be that the idiots are taking a Fall vacation.  I looked over FoxNews, which is usually good for some funny headlines- but all I got was, "Electric spoon could make veggies taste like chocolate or cheeseburgers" (or perhaps like light cords), and "Nobel judges can't get Bob Dylan to call them back".  (And when he does answer, he just sings, 'You got a lotta nerve' and hangs up.)

Now, down the list a ways, I did see this one:  "5 expenses that vanish during retirement".  I think I'd like to take a shot at this one...

1- Weekly tabs at the strip bar
2- Feeding quarters into the break room snack machine
3- Speeding tickets from busts at the outlaw drags
4- $200 for the latest Air Jordans
5- Contributions to the "homeless and hungry" worker at the corner of Main Thoroughfare and Wal-Mart


Okay, let's see how I did...

1- Commuting to work- hey, I almost said that...
2- No more payroll taxes.  Since that goes hand in hand with no more pay, kind of a mixed blessing there.
3- Saving for retirement- Wow, talk about the obvious one, lol...
4- Life and disability insurance- guess because it's all over but the shouting?
5- Clothing- almost went for that one too, but no one wants to see me retired AND naked.


Even my old reliables at the BBC only served me two lukewarm stories in Denmark- one was a Halloween party that involves filling downtown Copenhagen with clowns and giving prizes to whoever catches the most (no word on dead or alive), and scientists having developed a grass that will cut stress to cow tummies, thereby cutting cow farting and saving the atmosphere.  Oh, and this one...


Italy's ambassador to the UK has criticised school enrolment forms that asked parents to declare whether their child is "Italian", "Italian-Sicilian" or "Italian-Neapolitan".
Ambassador Pasquale Terracciano stepped in after parents complained to the Italian embassy about the options for describing a pupil's ethnic origin, La Stampa reports. He called on the British authorities to immediately remove the separate categories, pointing out that Italy has been a unified country since 1861. The UK Foreign Office has since apologised and promised to amend the forms, the paper says.





But of course, let me not forget the story I shared on FB last night.  Yesterday was such a pleasant day, and I was so not motivated, that we sat outside and listened to the radio (for which I am apparently now a pariah in my family, lol)...






...when suddenly the news came on and announced that it was "mostly cloudy:...


It IS?  Where would that be?

Oh, wait, there's one!

And another! They're filling up the sky!


And that's all I have for news today!  However, if you'll bop back one post to my story about the write ins on the Indiana ballot, you'll see that one of the Presidential candidates honest to God responded to my li'l ol' post!  It must be seen to believed!

7 comments:

  1. Chris:
    Ahh, yes. I remember what FUN was once...JUST once.
    ---Those 5 expenses disappeared from my life a LONG time before any sort of retirement.
    ---That's what we REALLY need...less cow-farts.
    And leave it to the ITALIANS to mimic the USA when it comes to it's citizenry.
    (oughta stick to making wine, cheese and mafia bosses go away)
    ---Mostly cloudy, partly sunny, ...it's the ambiguity of the weather reports that always makes me smile.
    Love the Scrappy pics.

    Good post, and don't worry, we've PLENTY of idiots who will be back soon enough doing what they do best - being IDIOTS.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

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  2. Fun, what is that, do I have fun, I don't know, I enjoy my life when I am not wanting to cry and throttle my daughter or Tim or both of them at the same time.

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  3. Retirement is a scary word! Especially for those of us who aren't millionaires...

    I suppose the Neapolitans and Sicilians think they're better than than rest of the Italians? LOL My husband, a Barese would disagree.

    The bit about the cow farts makes perfect sense. ☺

    Weather forecasters are often wrong.

    Your dog is adorable!

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  4. I once read a book a about the ridiculous things the government spends money on and one of them was a study on cow farts. Like thousands of dollars!!!! Crazy

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    Replies
    1. Done a few stories on cow farts, as well as gorundhogs releasing methane into the atmosphere by digging. Anyone who can't speak up gets blamed anymore.

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  5. Those are some gorgeous photos of my favourite beagle.
    The thought of retirement scares me, but it is still many years away at least. I have a feeling I shall be working until i am 70 at this stage.
    Unless I suddenly get a wealthly benefactor who decides to sponsor my art haha

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    Replies
    1. Your favorite beagle says, "Thank you!" And wants to bring up that he's not wealthy and wouldn't mind a benefactor either...

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