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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Monday, November 14, 2016

The wrath of the write-ins

So a while back I did this post, which attempted to profile the 15 write-in eligible candidates for President here in Indiana.  I thought, now that I finally got ahold of a mostly-complete list of the votes for independents, I might see how they did.  Of course, it mattered little in Indiana, because they register no votes for anybody but the big three- Trump, Clinton, and libertarian Gary Johnson.  So I'm guessing some states' reporting policies are different from others.  But to the best of my abilities, I will certify these results.

Now the three candidates that I could only find "from Indiana" about, obviously they totalled nada.  Ditto for Matthew "None of the above" Roberts, Mayor Denny Jackson of Milton KY, and- sadly- self-proclaimed election winner Cherunda Fox.  These worthies find themselves in a 1,748-way tie for 33rd.

Yes, the FEC says that 1,780 candidates filed intents to run.  Along with the 32 candidates that actually got votes that counted, several famous names dotted the list, including perennial candidate Mickey Mouse, former Presidents George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, and Bill Clinton, along with the possible Jorge Bush; foreign leaders Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un, Capt. Jean-Luc Picard, and of course Jesus Christ.  They were joined by a plethora of odd names such as "Touchy the Serial Killer Uncle Clown", "Dog Eating Maniacal Fish Brained Ugly Commandant Be Electe Moose Look-alike Fool That Will", "Coffee and Donuts" (not sure if that is one name or a Prez/VP ticket), and several others that were too crude or too stupid to bother with, including several variations of "Deez Nutz".  A handful of dogs and cats filed as well.

Not surprisingly, Jill Stein from our list, who people actually had heard of, polled the highest at 1.2 million.  There were 19 names that didn't appear on the Hoosier list, headed by 5th place finisher Evan McMullin, the former CIA running under the "Better For America" banner, who tallied 438K.  Eighteen of the CRV (candidates receiving votes) actually polled votes from more than one state, including Constitution Party guy Darrell Castle, who made 6th with 173K.  The former superdelegate and failed Dem primary warrior Roque De La Fuente got 8th, just ahead of Nevada's "None of these candidates" option, which polled almost 29K.

Our Board Of Building Appeals guy from Kent, OH, Richard Duncan, finished 10th; then we have to drop to 17th, where Communist Monica Moorehead rolled up an impressive 3,860 votes.  Her comrade, socialist Mimi Soltysik, was 19th, and last election's 8th place finisher, Tom Hoefling, came in 21st.  The last of the candidates that made the Indiana ballot (much good that it did them), Boston U. prof Lawrence Kotlikoff (the "Purple Plan" guy) and Joseph "Joe Exotic" Maldonado, came in 23rd and 25th- and their combined total would have been good enough to bump them to... uh, 22nd.

A couple of names I just HAVE to call to attention.  And I have a face to one of them...

That's Dan Vacek, candidate of the Minnesota Legal Marijuana Party (but you coulda guessed that one, right?), who came in fairly high (lol) at 11th with 13K votes.

The other I hadda look into for his party affiliation.  Nutrition Party candidate Rod Silva, owner of the Muscle Maker Grille and guest on Undercover Boss earlier this year, is running on a platform of  "addressing serious issues taking place at home here in America, like the increasing rates of obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, hypertension, cholesterol and other health-related complications – all resulting from poor eating choices."  For his trouble, Silva (whose running mate was a Rich Silva), pulled in at 29th.  The last guy that got votes was former Libertarian Frank Atwood, running for the "Approval Voting Party", which thinks apparently that you should be able to "approve" any number of candidates from a large ballot, and the one with the most approvals wins.  Frank was approved by 309 voters, trailing Pacifist Party candidate Bradford Lyttle by 27 votes.


  1. Chris:
    Have to hand it to ';ya...yuou mamnaged to find a lore more candidates than I did (and I just culled the "major" ones - close to 20 NAME party affiliates.
    The legal pot guy DOES seem to look like what he "represents", that's for sure...heh.
    Most of the usual ones like Mickey Mouse, and Jesus Christ seem to warrant more merit (to me) these days...wonder why THAT is, hmm?

    Nice informative post.

    Stay safe up there, brother.

    1. I didn't see our names on the list anywhere...

  2. So, I didn't get any write-ins?
    There's always 2020, I suppose.

    1. You gotta get with Cherunda so she can show you how to get on the ballot.

  3. "who came in fairly high"


    AZ had sixteen as well-I never knew before this year (your earlier post maybe?) that a write-in had to be approved.

    Apparently, my votes for Alfred E. Neuman have not counted for anything...

    I am pretty sure Mickey Mouse was overheard saying "if elected, I will not serve."

    1. Hard to tell what he says in that darn falsetto.

  4. Drats. If only Touchy had won, we'd be better off.
    At least us Californians can legally get and stay high for the next 4 years.

    I've told you more than once, and I'll say it again: You're a good one, CW. Next election, I'll vote for you or Al Penwasser. I'll flip a coin to decide.

    1. You wouldn't want me in the job.... Well, maybe if I made you Secretary of Chocolate...