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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Sunday, July 16, 2017

Why I should have been the new Doctor

So I wake up from my nap, and find that the sonic screwdriver that has rested comfortably on my headboard for months is lying somehow on the floor.  Going downstairs, I find that a woman, Jodie Whitaker, is the new Doctor.  While I am not crushed in my male ego, I just wonder what effect on the timelines this will have...

Let's hope it doesn't come to that.  In the meantime, I wonder why I wasn't selected- other than the fact I never auditioned.  Here are ten good reasons I should have been the 13th Doctor:

1- I HAVE a sonic screwdriver

So it's a model year behind.  Like John Hurt said, "Different casing, same programming."

2- I understand Timey-Whimey stuff

I was taught chronal mechanics by Marvel comics.  Totally necessary when debating John Calvin.

3- Scrappy!

Think about it!  Not only is he a great companion, but what if he was the Master's next incarnation?  Get it- the Master being the pet and the Doctor being the... master?

4- I already have a unique, Doctor -ready look:

5- New Location- Fort Wayne, Indiana

Because come on, how many times can you destroy London?

6- Like the Doctor, I have tried to drive with the parking brake on...

7-  Who really thinks fish fingers and custard goes together?  With me, it would be...

8- Unlike every other incarnation, I know the BEST way to beat Daleks...

Tip the damn thing over, roll his guns away from you.  Exterminate THAT, dumbass!

9- A Midol shortage need not endanger the world....

...however, a Pepsi shortage could get a bit dicey...

And Number 10-

...if the lock is wood, I'm not afraid to break a window....


  1. Chris:
    So...the new Doctor is a lady. We've have time-ladies in the past (Romana comes to mind immediately).
    But why NOW? I can just see the NEW sonic - PINK!!!
    (absolutely NO relation to the dearly-departed Danny, mind you)
    The BBC could score a REAL coup and make her GAY (like the recently departed and risen anew BILL).
    All that aside. I think you've come up with some GREAT reasons to BE the next Doctor.
    I think I might do a similar post this week (perhaps...maybe...or I could do one last month...I can never get all that right).

    Good post.
    Stay safe (and well-companioned) up there, brother Time-Lord.

    1. I too thought about a ten reasons for you... but you would know better than I. Have at it!

  2. You got my vote the moment you mentioned Scrappy.

    1. I know, right? He'd be a natural as the Master... think of the cliffhanger reveal!