And one last time, 2015

So I decided to do something a little different for the last post of the year, but what?  I considered Googling "best _ of 2015" and "worst_ of 2015", and seeing what I got.  What I got was a LOT of movie lists (A lot of different opinions on "best", but worst was pretty universally John Travolta in The Forger), album lists (Rolling Stone surprised me by having Adam Lambert's The Original High at the top, while AOTY.com had Bullet For My Valentine's Venom as the worst, just ahead of Pope Francis' Wake Up!), cars (Cosumer Reports had the best individual car as a Tesla Model S P85D- which runs about $105 K and does 0-60 in 3.5, while it rated Lexus as the best brand and Fiat the worst), and other categories that got lazily listed "in no particular order."  One of the more curius categories were best company logo changes of the year, and while I can see why Merck's change got rated worst...

...I really don't get Google as the best, sorry...

So I considered trying to forge something meaningful from my stats.  But unlike Wordpress where you get those nifty stats-for-the-year reports, you have to beat Blogger with a club and reconstitute the debris to get anything meaningful on a yearly basis.  I was able to glean that I had 44,245 pageviews this year- some 25% of my career total.  And the peak was in July, during the great "French Spammers try to swamp me" crisis, which roughly doubled that month's pageviews.

So I thought of doing a best comments deal like RawkinRobyn does, but she has far more patience (or an easier method of keeping track than I do.


Then, it hit me- the Best Of Martin World News!!!!

So I went through each MWN for my favorite stories, and now, here for you, are the best ten:

#10- You'll go to hell with pregnant hands, May 27th:

ITEM:  You know, there are about a million reasons why I hope that Islam is wrong about everything.  Here's one:

A Turkish televangelist advised viewers recently that men who masturbate would have to deal with “pregnant” hands after they died.

According to Hurriyet Daily News, a 2000 TV viewer told Muslim preacher Mücahid Cihad Han on Sunday that he “kept masturbating, although he was married, and even during the Umrah [pilgrimage to Mecca].”

Han warned the man that Islam viewed masturbation as a “haram” or forbidden act.

“Moreover, one hadith states that those who have sexual intercourse with their hands will find their hands pregnant in the afterlife, complaining against them to God over its rights,” Han opined, according to the translation provided by Hurriyet Daily News.

“If our viewer was single, I could recommend he marry, but what can I say now?” the televangelist noted, adding that the viewer should try to “resist Satan’s temptations.”

Spock will have siamese twins...

Many of Han’s 12,000 Twitter followers responded by mocking him.

“Are there any hand-gynaecologists in the afterlife? Is abortion allowed there?” one person asked.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!” another Twitter user wrote. “The only men not having pregnant hands would be the ones without hands.”

I wonder what that means for those who use other "personal sexual devices"...

9- And that's why you have Earthquakes, from June 8th:

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - A government official blamed the recent deadly earthquake in Malaysia on a group of 10 foreigners who "showed disrespect to the sacred" Mount Kinabalu by posing naked at the peak last week.

Sabah Deputy Chief Minister Joseph Pairin Kitingan said a special ritual would be conducted later to "appease the mountain spirit."

The foreigners, who included two Canadians, two Dutch and a German national, broke away from their entourage and stripped naked before taking photos at the mountain peak on May 30, officials have said.

Five of the tourists are believed to still be in Malaysia and will be barred from leaving on the offense of gross indecency, according to police.

Here they are, in the process.

Okay, I'm not sure which one deserves my attention more- "nude hikers cause quake", "nude selfies on top of mountain", or "appease the Mountain Spirit".


8- From December 21st, Don't be shooting that thing in here:

ITEM:  Of course, this doesn't touch the double whammy of alcohol and legal marijuana that is Colorado, and thus...

ADAMS COUNTY - Adams County Sheriff's Office got a call about a man with a gun in Lulu's Inn in Watkins Friday morning.  Deputies evacuated the building and set up a perimeter in the 33300 block of East Highway 36.  One person was detained until it was determined that the person only had a mic stand, which was mistaken for a gun.

According to police, the person was in a band who was scheduled to play Friday night at Lulu's. A waitress saw the mic stand and thought it was a gun and reported it.


Because mic stands look SO much like guns... and how was she to know that her workplace might feature musical acts?



7- And once the guns are under control, then the chickens, from April 6th:

ITEM:  Our next fine, upstanding woman is Ashley Sies of Lexington, KY.

Ashley was apparently under the influence of drugs when she went to the home of Patricia Leese and began strangling her with a bra.  Yes, with a bra.  But it gets better.  As the pair (who didn't know each other previously) struggled, Patricia got a hold of and beat Ashley unconscious with a nearby ceramic chicken.  Yes, a ceramic chicken.  Patricia then locked herself in the bathroom and called 911.  The local police whisked Ashley away to face, of all things, first degree BURGLARY charges.

6- Form March 9th:  It always worked for Clark Kent...

ITEM:  You may have already heard this one, but still so very worth it:

LINCOLN, Neb. (AP) — A man in Lincoln, Nebraska, has been cited for possessing pot inside a container that had been slapped with a label reading: “Not Weed.”

The Lincoln Journal Star reports that Lancaster County deputies stopped the man’s vehicle around 9 p.m. Saturday.

Officers found the plastic sour cream container during a search of his car, and the driver acknowledged that the pot belonged to him.

He was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and cited for having less than an ounce of marijuana.

"I don't know...I thought I was being funny." Jason Meier told the Smoking Gun. "Never thinking it would be confiscated."

 Do we really want to re-visit those claims about MJ not causing short-term brain damage, Colorado and Washington?

5- From the year's first MWN, back on January 5th:  Not safe for toybox...

ITEM:  In case you missed this one (it was pretty popular on FaceBook), the first of the "not a good toy for Christmas 2015" reviews is out...

Play-Doh is pulling a toy used in a popular playset for children after parents barraged the company's Facebook page with complaints claiming the toy is shaped like a penis.

Images and complaints about the toy, included in the company's Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain Playset, flooded social media after parents gifted the set to their children during the Christmas holidays.

Sweet Shoppe Cake Mountain??? Looks more like... well, being a family show and all, let's just say that a simple "Adult Playset" sticker could have prevented all this.

"We have heard some consumer feedback about the extruder tool in the Play-Doh Cake Mountain playset and are in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool," Play-Doh said. 


And your first new slang name for the male body part for 2015?  "Extruder tool."


4- From last January 20th:  Sex Ed, Swedish Style:

ITEM: In oh-so-progressive Sweden, sex ed for kids has taken a turn... and they are fighting a battle with YouTube censors to show it:

"Snoppen och snippan," from SVT public television kids' show Bacillakuten, features cartoon penises and vaginas bopping along to a song featuring lyrics such as, "Here comes the penis at full pace," and "the vagina is cool, you better believe it, even on an old lady. It just sits there so elegantly."





I was going to just do the story, but the cartoon is just TOO funny....


3- From just this past week: the fruits of Common Core math:

ITEM:  Since I know moist of my Indiana peeps already have run into this, this goes out to the rest of you.

There was a historic metal strut bridge near Paoli, Indiana.  Read: was.

On December 25, 2015, on or about 1200 hours, Mary Lambright, 23 year old female from Fredericksburg, Indiana was driving a 2015 Volvo Semi Truck with a 53 foot box trailer containing 43,000 pounds of bottled water. Ms. Lambright stated her intentions were to park her semi in the parking lot of the Paoli Wal-Mart. Lambright entered the square from East Main Street and missed the exit heading to Wal-Mart and exited onto West Main Street. Ms. Lambright then turned left onto Southwest 1st Street in an attempt to turn around. She travel down Southwest 1st and turned left onto South Gospel Street. She made several attempts to turn left on to South Oak Street but was unsuccessful. Ms. Lambright was aware of a parking lot further north on South Gospel Street and determined she could turn the truck around in the lot to get back to Southwest 1st Street. When she approached the parking lot she discovered it was full of heavy equipment and could not use it to turn around. Ms. Lambright was aware of the iron bride stating she had driven on it several times in her personal vehicle and was also aware of the posted signage “no semis, weight limit of 6 tons”. When asked by Paoli Police why she continued through the bridge knowing the weight limit was only 6 tons she admitted to not knowing how many pounds that was. She was advised the weight of the vehicle at the time of the crash was close to 30 tons. Ms. Lambright stated she wasn’t comfortable backing the semi up and made the decision to try to go through the bridge. When the semi entered the bridge the trailer immediately began ripping open due to the trailer was taller than the top of the bridge. As the vehicle continued the weight of the vehicle caused the bridge to collapse. Ms. Lambright and her 17 year old female cousin, who was also in the vehicle, exited the vehicle and were unharmed. Ms. Lambright received her CDL endorsement on 5/12/2015. She currently works for Louisville Logistics out of Louisville, Kentucky. The vehicle and trailer were hauled to Wilcox wrecker service out of Salem, Indiana and is being held pending an inspection by the Indiana State Police.
Agencies/Companies involved in this incident are;
Paoli Police, Orange County Sheriff Department, Paoli Fire and Rescue, Paoli Town employees, IU Health, Wilcox Wrecker Service, Hankins Corvette Sales, and Kendell Trucking
Ms. Lambright is cited for the following;
Indiana code 9-21-8-50, reckless operation of Tractor-Trailer, a class B misdemeanor
Indiana code 9-21-8-41, disregarding a traffic control device, a class B infraction
Indiana code 9-20-7-1, overweight on posted bridge.

So let's sum this up:  A 23-y-o adult didn't know that 43,000 pounds might possibly be more than 6 tons, and because of that, a 100-y-o bridge is destroyed.  You see why I so love stupidity?  Because it can so easily be overcome, you cannot have stupidity without plain laziness.  Enjoy your next career, Mary.

2- From June 9th:  The sweeping epic that nobody saw...

ITEM:  I saw this one last night on the legit news.  Many of you (and I'm sorry, Jo-Anne, I know you don't like sports) have heard the ordeal that soccer's (or football if you insist) governing body, FIFA, is going through.  For those who don't:  They were a bunch of crooks, they tipped their hand trying to award a World Cup to a country that can't even grow real grass, seven members of said governing body were arrested, and the newly re-elected president resigned three days later (kinda makes me wish I lived in FIFA).  Now, on top of all that, this past weekend marked the American debut of a movie about FIFA's history, called United Passions (which might explain a little about what happened next.  The movie, which was budgeted at $26 million and change, opened at ten theaters and took in...

...wait for it...

$607.

Ten screens, $60 a theater.  One of which sold exactly one ticket.  Along with the dismal performance came my new favorite movie review of all time:

The Village Voice called it "not merely ham-fisted, but pork-shouldered, bacon-wristed, and sausage-elbowed".


The voice went on, in a review titled, "Dribbling Nonsense", to say:

....Yet the major players uniformly fail to bring their A-games. A porcine Gérard Depardieu is unusually and frustratingly restrained as mild-mannered World Cup originator Jules Rimet. Sam Neill is epically miscast as Brazilian João Havelange, who served as FIFA president from 1974 to 1998. Havelange is the closest United Passions comes to a three-dimensional character — a faintly Machiavellian figure with a deep-seated desire to globalize the sport. Yet Neill gives him a comically distracting Liam Neeson–from-Taken accent and the leering air of an uncle with a dark secret. And what to make of poor Tim Roth, who appears as Sepp Blatter, the Swiss watchmaker who ascended the ranks to succeed Havelange? Roth looks mortified to be involved, and no wonder: His character’s most heroic moments include securing sponsorship deals with Coca-Cola and Adidas — events at which the terminally un-self-aware Auburtin clearly intends for the audience to cheer.



As propaganda, United Passions is as subtle as an anvil to the temple... The script is essentially a press release with speaking parts and exposition. 


And finishes by applauding FIFA on its incredible sense of timing.  As do I.

And my #1 story of the year.... from October 5th:

ITEM:  Winner, world's dumbest criminal disguise 2015

Come with me to Apple Valley, CA, where the local Battery Mart was broken into.  The first thing that went wrong for our perp was he pulls up in clear view of the security camera, in daylight while the store was closed.  He exits his vehicle sans disguise, looks in the glass door, also in clear view of the camera.  Then, he dons his disguise, breaks the glass in the door and enters.  His disguise?

...he stuck a maxi-pad over his eyes.  I guess at least it wasn't used.  No sense being a bloody idiot, eh?

There you have it!  Have a happy and SAFE New Year's Eve!

This week's M10 and other odds and ends

Including the just finished wrap to the fantasy football season, the annual All-Star Game.  It has been an annual event since 2008, and the Purple division (Home of the KCAs, the Fiery Beagles, and the spanking new champion Aguas) rolled to its fifth victory in 8 games, a 62-34 win over the Gold division.  With so many injuries this year, I ended up having to sub no less than 5 players with the next man up, and one of those subs- Frank Gore of the Colts, who hadn't scored in over a month- took the MVP with 2 TDs.    Moving on...

This week had a chance to be an all retro-soul debut week, and it misses that only narrowly.  The first of three debuts belongs to a new 9-piece band reminiscent of Gladys Knight und der Pipsters from Seattle.  They are Grace Love and the true Loves, and they come in at #10 with this:





Number nine broke the streak that could have been.  The band that comes in here is an indy band called Ducktails, and their deceptively named Headbanging In The Mirror takes the #9 spot.







At this point, as many of you have already heard, the Martin 50 for the year is decided, and it is a good one!  I told Laurie, "I've done charts for a long time.  One of the indications of a good chart is where you hit the first song after which you wish you could cram them all into the top 5.  That started at #19."  There were 57 songs made the M10 this year- but not all of them made the M10.  There are 6 tunes that never got into the M10- and the 9 #1 songs of the M10 are clustered between #s 11 and 2.  That's right, the top song for 2015 didn't even appear on the M10 (Came out to me in April, M10 started in late August).  Not exactly sure how they will be presented yet, so stay tuned for more info after the New Year.


Number eight, the last of the debuts, has an interesting story.  Back in 1972, Pepsi did a series of local "Sounds Of The Summer" contests for high school bands, and the winner in Virginia was a funk band who called themselves the Equatics.  Their lp, Doin' It!!!, became an unknown funk classic and this year was released to CD.  Their hit from that lp sits at #8:





This was not a good week for older tunes in the M10.  Numbers 4, 6, and 9 dropped out, and Avril Lavigne falls from 3 to #7 with I'm With You, which peaked at #2 a couple weeks ago.

Last week's debut at 10, Boz Scaggs' Small Town Talk, is the hottest of the bullets this week, strolling its way up to #6.


Another of those items I was going to address is the upcoming Beauty Contest.  I still haven't figured out how I am going to mash them into one (maybe two) posts yet, but I can tell you there were 53 candidates for the contest, fifteen semi-finalists, and 6 girls patiently awaiting to see who Scrappy will pick.  And even though she has him pretty well bribed, KC's friend Jessica is NOT eligible:

Here are the girls that didn't make the semis:

Sally Carr (Middle Of The Road)
Karen Chandler
Sophia Loren
Barbara Streisand
Laulie Jean Norman
Janis Joplin
Debbie Neville
Linda Parrish
Patty Valentine
Lisa Loeb
Betty Friedan (EYYYUCK!)
Dee Dee Sharp
Barbara Lewis
Little Peggy March
Mary Ann Mobley
Nancy Sinatra
Alex Kingston (Put that sonic trowel away!)
Aretha Franklin
Carly Simon
Susan Cowsill
Patty Hansen
Etta James
Anita Ward
Claudine Clark
Suzanne Pleshette
Barbara Bel Geddes
Debbie Gibson
Gayle McCormick
France Joli
Rena Scott
Donna Fargo
Betty Boop (yes, that Betty Boop)
Helen Kane
Corrinne Morgan
...and the Singing Nun.


Little Green Cars move up a couple notches for the second week, pulling into the #5 slot with Harper Lee.

The other guy that looks like me, Dent May, moves a strong 4 into the #4 slot with Born Too Late.

Alvvays slips one more into the #3 spot with Archie Marry Me.

Beach House takes dead aim at its third top dog;  Beyond Love moves up 3 to #2.

And the Decemberists, who have been in the hunt since the 10th of November, remain at the top with The Wrong Year!

Next week, things begin to turn back to normal... maybe... I guess you'll have to tune in next Friday to find out!

Why Hillary will be our next President

I got chewed out this morning by a friend who felt singled out by yesterday's post and some of the Facebook Frolics that led to it.  I apologized that they took it personal, rather than as a post trying to get people to use a little thinking about what they post.  And maybe I wasn't sweet about it, but I am tired of hearing other friends contemplating bailing out of social media because they cannot handle the sheer volume of BS, unintentional or not, that gets pumped out there- which could be avoided with just a little research.  Unfortunately, I am about to make that friend even madder at me, because the reasons she used to defend her post (a 2-year old weather warning that some moron changed the date on and sent back out) are a good indictment of cybersociety in 2015-16.

Her defense was two main things.  First, she was in the middle of moving on to something else and didn't have time to vette it.  Second, she is on one of those so-much-data-a-month deals and didn't have the resources to properly vette it.  Both understandable, so far as it goes.  But let's expand this out to ALL the people out there posting ALL these things that aren't right and can be easily dispelled.

First, if you didn't have time to vette it, you barely had time to read it.  It made a visual impression, and away we go!  This is why we don't elect Presidents by meme... or at least, we didn't USE to.  I get that you didn't have time to check it, life moves on- then why post it?  In my friend's case, it was prolly a "this needs to get out there" thing, which is admirable enough.  Others out there are stuck in the "Let me be the first to tell you" mode; others just want to "agree" with anything that fits their agenda.  I have honestly seen FB friends re-post stuff they DON'T believe in because the meme looked so much like others that agree with them that they just didn't read the damn thing correctly.  I will admit to several occasions to reading someone's comment in the midst of "battle" and doing the same thing.  Lesson: slow down, read, and keep your foot out of your mouth.  I don't know about yours, but my shoes aren't all that tasty.

Second, and this is the thing that gets me- when did we get so dependent on the internet?  There are a lot of non-internet ways to check up on things; in this case, turn on the car radio first before hitting the share button.  Turn on a weather radio- they are relatively cheap if not especially time-efficient.  Watch the TV local weather.  Failing that, look around your timeline- are there a bunch of people posting weather warnings, or one anomalous post (which becomes two when you repost)?  I honestly think a lot of FB false posts fall into the "if your FB friends jumped off a cliff, would you follow them?" category.  Call the local weather line, or the NWS.  Google Good Morning America and look for the video in which Mark Zuckerburg said he was sharing this property of his with total strangers.

  A few years ago, I did a post on a friend posting a five-year-old article claiming Noah's ark had been found.  I did a lot of points on WHY the story had to be false, but the summary was very common sense- if it has been found, why doesn't EVERYONE know about it?  If the ark had been found, Turkey would be sitting on top of the biggest potential Disneyland in history.  The great truths of life will NOT be found in obscure news articles posted on Facebook.

This week, the big news was "Peyton Manning accused of using HGH".  This story was recanted by its source before most outlets even had ran with the original Al-Jazeera story.  Now despite what you might feel about an Arab news source, I have always-before now- thought of AJ as high quality, responsible journalism.  But this reporter ran with his story without vetting his source (which was the guy who recanted it even as it broke), and for some unexplained reason AJ went right along with it without demanding confirmation from another source- as any GOOD reporter or news source should do.  Now, AJ looks unprofessional, Manning is leading a group about to sue them and their reporter for defamation, and the "source" has admitted to being about as credible as a 13-year-old boy typing up conspiracy theories in Grandma's basement.

My good friend the Fort Wayne Media Maven is constantly pointing out the various failings of what pass for news outlets in this town.  They type up someone else's press release without even fixing grammatical errors, give out locations that a quick look at Google maps (much less Rand McNally) would tell them cannot exist as described, and when challenged, they send some punk kid "social media director" to insult you, just prior to blocking you. Ask yourself why WANE.com doesn't have a comment section after articles anymore since Mark Mellinger left. And why do they think they can get away with it, Mr. and Mrs. America?  Because just like the trolls who constantly recycle old stuff for new for their perverse entertainment, just like AJ and CNN and ABC News, just like Brian Williams, THEY know you are "too busy to check it out", too "limited in your sources" to vette, to know it's not true or not accurate.

And that is why a woman like Hillary Clinton, who has been a known liar since AT LEAST 1972, can become our next President.

"A nation gets the government they deserve".  If you want something better, DESERVE IT.

I am sorry, my friend, but this goes beyond your little error, beyond Facebook, and beyond me.  I thank you, though, for giving me the change to expound on it.

Martin World News

ITEM:  I guess the first thing that need to be addressed is the word, "VERIFY."

ver·i·fy
ˈverəˌfī
verb
make sure or demonstrate that (something) is true, accurate, or justified.
"his conclusions have been verified by later experiments"


Okay, so now that we are clear with that, I would like to ask the denizens of FB, why is it that the last two days I have seen announcements of the deaths of people who died three years ago, murders committed last year, a blizzard that hit in 2012, and coupons from Kroger that will give you 40% off your next thousand purchases of anything?  The one thing that makes me more upset than the "If you love Jesus/are my friend/want to win millions, just like and repost- no, wait, copy and paste it, don't repost or the world will tumble into armageddon" crap is old/outdated/false items purporting to be news that can be fact-checked for correctness just as easy as being reposted without really reading or thinking.  Rant done;  Wake up, America!

ITEM:  Why Laurie and I don't sleep together, reason number 567:

St. Lucie, FL- According to a police report, around 3:30 a.m. Dec. 11, an officer responded to a domestic battery call at a home in Port St. Lucie.  The officer said a man at the home stated he was lying in bed with his wife when he passed gas. The husband said he wife, identified as Dawn Meikle, 55, then began elbowing him on his arm.  The husband said he continued to pass gas and Meikle continued to elbow and kick him again.  He told police that he began restraining his wife for his own safety but her "lip was inadvertently split open," according to the report. During the fight, police said the husband suffered several 6- to 8-inch scratches across his chest.   His shirt was also ripped in three different places.   Meikle admitted to police that she began to elbow and punch him after she repeatedly told him to stop passing gas in bed.  She also said her lip became split only while trying to be restrained and not from a punch.

Meikle was charged with domestic battery and taken to the St. Lucie County Jail.

Thanks to one of my FB friends for sending this one to me.  NOTE:  Reason #567 Laurie and I don't sleep in the same bed is nothing close to reason #1 I don't sleep with Dawn Meikle:

ITEM:  Since I know moist of my Indiana peeps already have run into this, this goes out to the rest of you.

There was a historic metal strut bridge near Paoli, Indiana.  Read: was.

On December 25, 2015, on or about 1200 hours, Mary Lambright, 23 year old female from Fredericksburg, Indiana was driving a 2015 Volvo Semi Truck with a 53 foot box trailer containing 43,000 pounds of bottled water. Ms. Lambright stated her intentions were to park her semi in the parking lot of the Paoli Wal-Mart. Lambright entered the square from East Main Street and missed the exit heading to Wal-Mart and exited onto West Main Street. Ms. Lambright then turned left onto Southwest 1st Street in an attempt to turn around. She travel down Southwest 1st and turned left onto South Gospel Street. She made several attempts to turn left on to South Oak Street but was unsuccessful. Ms. Lambright was aware of a parking lot further north on South Gospel Street and determined she could turn the truck around in the lot to get back to Southwest 1st Street. When she approached the parking lot she discovered it was full of heavy equipment and could not use it to turn around. Ms. Lambright was aware of the iron bride stating she had driven on it several times in her personal vehicle and was also aware of the posted signage “no semis, weight limit of 6 tons”. When asked by Paoli Police why she continued through the bridge knowing the weight limit was only 6 tons she admitted to not knowing how many pounds that was. She was advised the weight of the vehicle at the time of the crash was close to 30 tons. Ms. Lambright stated she wasn’t comfortable backing the semi up and made the decision to try to go through the bridge. When the semi entered the bridge the trailer immediately began ripping open due to the trailer was taller than the top of the bridge. As the vehicle continued the weight of the vehicle caused the bridge to collapse. Ms. Lambright and her 17 year old female cousin, who was also in the vehicle, exited the vehicle and were unharmed. Ms. Lambright received her CDL endorsement on 5/12/2015. She currently works for Louisville Logistics out of Louisville, Kentucky. The vehicle and trailer were hauled to Wilcox wrecker service out of Salem, Indiana and is being held pending an inspection by the Indiana State Police.
Agencies/Companies involved in this incident are;
Paoli Police, Orange County Sheriff Department, Paoli Fire and Rescue, Paoli Town employees, IU Health, Wilcox Wrecker Service, Hankins Corvette Sales, and Kendell Trucking
Ms. Lambright is cited for the following;
Indiana code 9-21-8-50, reckless operation of Tractor-Trailer, a class B misdemeanor
Indiana code 9-21-8-41, disregarding a traffic control device, a class B infraction
Indiana code 9-20-7-1, overweight on posted bridge.

So let's sum this up:  A 23-y-o adult didn't know that 43,000 pounds might possibly be more than 6 tons, and because of that, a 100-y-o bridge is destroyed.  You see why I so love stupidity?  Because it can so easily be overcome, you cannot have stupidity without plain laziness.  Enjoy your next career, Mary.


ITEM:  Driving fun in Manitoba (that's in Canada, Mary):

Royal Canadian Mounted Police arrested a man in his 30s and charged him with impaired driving, resisting arrest and refusing a breathalyzer after he wrecked an ice rink in Manitoba on Saturday, CBC reports.

The incident happened during the second intermission of a game in Ste. Anne.

"On his first lap he struck the gate where the Zamboni drives onto the ice, and broke the boards and also broke pieces off the actual Zamboni," Martin Kintscher, manager of the Seine River Snipers bantam team, told CBC. "One piece got stuck under the Zamboni, which left a ridge on the ice with every lap."

Authorities arrived and arrested the man, who was not identified. But the Zamboni driver insisted that the rink was in great condition.

Kintscher said officials canceled the game and they told the 13 to 14-year-old boys on the team that the driver “had issues” and “maybe he is impaired.”  Ya Think?


ITEM: Perhaps Mary and the Zamboni driver might want to take some driving lessons; perhaps in the Netherlands...


Driving instructors in Holland can trade lessons for sex, cabinet ministers reportedly declared.
After debate over the controversial practice came up in a recent parliament meeting, minister of security and justice Ard van der Steur and infrastructure and environment minister Melanie Schultz van Haegen gave their interpretation: Offering driving lessons for nookie did not equal prostitution "since sex was not being sold," Dutch News reported. But the opposite, a student offering sex for driving lessons, was a no-no.
A story in USA Today noted that while prostitution is legal in the Netherlands, opponents of the so-called "ride for a ride" trend feared the income from a prostitution-branded arrangement couldn't be taxed because the escort would not be properly licensed.
The ministers conceded the barter was "undesirable" but reiterated it was legal, Dutch News said.
As long as the instructor makes the deal, two consenting adults have the green light to enter into such a bargain.
"It is important that the initiative lies with the driving instructor and focuses on offering a driving lesson, with the payment provided in sexual acts," they wrote in a letter to parliament, per the Telegraph.

Somehow I feel there is a very flawed logic going on here.  Lotta teachers here in the US ofA could get out of statutory rape charges by applying THAT logic, just sayin'.


ITEM:  Of course, there are things that wouldn't be covered by the "ride for a ride" classes.  One of which happened to Covington PD Officer Lance Benjamin.  As he patrolled one night, something came in his open window and hit him in the head, causing him to crash into a ditch.  At first he thought someone threw a football into his car (helluva shot), but when he switched the flashlight on, he saw...

...that's right, an owl had flown into the car and bonked him.  He exited the car, called for backup, and after forty-five minutes just hanging out, the owl finally flew away.  Apparently, he was not charged.


ITEM:  Speaking of the men in blue, let's take a look at some of the MENSA candidates they rounded up recently:

Waynesboro, VA:
The Waynesboro Police Department said Kyle Dustin Head, 24, of Waynesboro, is believed to have been under the influence of marijuana early Thursday when he called 911 and asked a dispatcher to bring him rolling papers.

Two officers were dispatched to Head's location and he was found sitting in a parked 2005 Chevrolet pick-up truck.

The officers detected the odor of marijuana and "noticed the green leafy substance on Head's clothing, the dash board of his truck, the passenger seat and in his right ear."

Police did speculate as to how marijuana ended up in the suspect's ear, but the situation led them to announce a "pot head named Head has pot on head" in a news release.

Head allegedly told officers he had thought he was calling a friend when he asked the 911 dispatcher to bring him papers.

Head was cited for misdemeanor marijuana possession.


"Uh, wait... you aren't the Zig-Zag Man..."

Next up, from the Mary Lambright school of math:

CHRISTCHURCH, New Zealand, Dec. 21 (UPI) -- The owner of a New Zealand restaurant said a man who stole a tip jar containing $6.77 forgot to take his food, which he had already purchased for $9.82.

Security camera footage posted to Facebook by Nando's Riccarton restaurant in Christchurch shows the man putting the tip jar which contained about $6.77 -- 10 in New Zealand dollars -- in his bag.

The suspect was confronted by owner Yateen Lallu after the man spent a few moments in the bathroom before the empty tip jar was discovered on the restroom floor.

"I said to him 'there's our tip jar', and he said 'it wasn't me, it must have been someone else'. I said 'are you sure? Are you telling the truth?' And he told me to check his bag and check the security cameras and I started to doubt myself," Lallu told Stuff.co.nz.

He said the man fled while he was reviewing security footage.

Tip to criminals #35:  If you're there to rob, don't stop for a bite.

Next up, just to prove it isn't just the poor "stereotyped" thugs in Fort Wayne who have Moms that will say anything to stand up for them:

A Chicago man on home monitoring for possessing what police said were meth-making materials, who wore a meth-related t-shirt in his booking photo, and who was found again with alleged meth-related paraphernalia was only making wine, his mom said.

“He had winemaking equipment,” Jan Kowalski told The Chicago Tribune.

Still, Daniel Kowalski, 23, pleaded guilty Friday to two drug possession charges and was sentenced to two years of probation and 30 hours of community service.


Uh, Mom, just for the record, wine is a DRINK.  Unless he really doesn't know what he's doing, I don't think he was drinking what he was making.  Just sayin', again.

Finally, just to show that Mike Tyson still influences our nation:

A Minnesota woman took a page out of Mike Tyson’s playbook when she bit off her husband’s ear during an argument on Friday, according to a statement of probable cause by The Smoking Gun.

Jamie Elrod, 37, of St. Cloud, faces a first-degree assault charge, the St. Cloud Times reported. Her husband has not been identified except by the initials J.D.E. in the probable cause document.

The couple had allegedly been out drinking and Elrod “had a hairy buffalo drink and she gets out of hand when she has those.”

The pair began arguing about beer and, when J.D.E. walked into the bedroom, Elrod followed and allegedly attacked him.

When police arrived, they found blood in the kitchen, blood spattered on a bedroom wall, blood on Elrod’s left hand and on her clothes. Part of J.D.E.’s ear was missing and “a piece of an ear” was found in a bedroom at the apartment.

J.D.E. initially claimed he was in a fight downtown, but then told police his wife tore off a portion of his ear.

“The defendant appeared intoxicated as the defendant was lethargic, had glossy eyes, and the strong odor of alcohol was coming from her breath,” the probable cause statement said. “When asked what happened to J.D.E.’s ear, the defendant stated she had no idea.”

A review of subsequent jail phone calls, however, shows Elrod telling her mom a different story.

“When J.D.E. reached for her, she bit his ear. When J.D.E. pulled back, she ripped his ear off,” the statement said. “The defendant can also be heard telling her ‘mom’ to contact J.D.E. and make sure he does not talk to the police.”

Finally, just to cleanse our minds a bit, I have before me the top dog breeds, and this year's top dogs names.  Let's start with the breeds...

10- Beagle...

TEN?  Really?  WTH....

9- Cane Corso (I don't know what it is, but it looks big, ugly, and nothing like Lee Corso...

Well, usually...

8- Pomeranian
7- Pug
6- Labrador retriever
5- French Bulldog
4- Chihuahua
3- Rottweiler
2- Shih Tzu
1- Golden retriever

And the top names...

10- Tucker
9- Bear
8- Duke
7- Toby
6- Rocky
5- Jack
4- Cooper (I know a Cooper)
3- Buddy (I knew a Buddy)
2- Charlie (I had a Charlie)
1- Max

No SCRAPPY?  You people are on my last nerve today...

Christmas and a bit, 2015

I want to start this story a few days back, on Wednesday (aka Christmas Eve Eve).  I had decided it was past time to get my eyes looked at again.  Rather than opting for the convenience of the nearby Wal-Mart, I went to the bit-further-away Longe Optical, because my company has a bunch of deals with them.  Before I get into the story, I want to point out that these guys are great, they did me right, and Dr Amy Reidhaar was tremendous.  That said, everything that could go wrong...

So this is like the second time I've been to their location on North Anthony, and it sneaks up fast on you.  Not exactly remembering exactly where it was, I turned in about 3 businesses too soon.  Spotting my quarry from the lot, I managed to sneak around behind two of the businesses, but still ended up a business away.  Hoping that they wouldn't have me towed during the "short time" I was to be there, I walked across the lot and to my destination.

The Doc was running behind, and it was 15 minutes before the one lady (there were two ladies, the manager Remy, and the Doc there) took me in to do the pre-exam.  First thing different I noticed about Longe was that the "puff test" was three shots in each eye rather than one, and the puffer was about twice as powerful.  Coming back out, we began to discuss the company deal, which among other things included getting work glasses basically gratis.  When she asked me if I had the work deal form, I reached my first "oh, crap."  No problem, we'll just call work.  (Second aw crap- is there anybody even there?)  But the big boss was there, and he'd be happy to fill out what we needed if he could get them to send him the form.  Oh craps #s 3 and 4:  They told him he could fax them the filled out form- and we don't have a working fax machine.  Then, they decided to e-mail him the form- but they didn't have an e-form at that location.  So, my lady (Ruth-Ann) called the other store, had them e-mail the e-form to my work so he could fill it out and send it to MY location.

Then the exam came, and it was well done.  She asked more questions, gave more info, and actually sent her findings to my family doctor, which WM never did.  Of course, the first two health things she had to ask about (high blood pressure and diabetes) I had to check the "yes" box on, which added a couple more wrinkles that the WM Doc never talked about.  Then came the dilation drops, and the "we have to wait ten minutes for them to kick in" time.  Shouldn't have worried about that;  my adventure wasn't over by half.

Because once she got the form from work, I gave her my insurance card and the real fun started.  See, our insurance (days away from being "our old insurance") contracts out the vision to another carrier.  The card we get from the insurance doesn't have the vision info on it, and the vision contractor doesn't send out a card.  So first, she found that she had to guess off the contractor- which there were only two choices, and she guessed right the first time.  But she gave them the ID # on the insurance card, which isn't the same and we didn't know that, so they couldn't find me.  So she called the hospital system (after trying the other carrier to no effect) and they sent her back to the guys she tried first,  Deducing that the ID# wasn't the same, she asked the guy there to see if he could find a Christopher Martin with my birthdate.  Two minutes of searching finally brought us to a winner, but by then other things were happening as well:

The other two people went to lunch;
customers began dribbling in in ever increasing numbers;
I had to go pick a pair of frames;
not once, not twice, but three times the Doc came out to give me some info she had forgotten, most important of which (aka the one I actually remember) is that, being diagnosed diabetic, I should get my eyes checked once a year rather than every couple.  Yay.

So then Ruth Ann has everything dialed in on insurance, which still leaves us three things to do.  One was to record where the progressive in my lenses needed to start- which rather than the eyeball a crayon mark method at WM, they actually have a frame gizmo and a laser camera that gives a more precise reading.  Second, she had to explain to me who had to pay for what, the company discounts she was applying, and the rebate on the eye exam I would have to mail in.  And third, she had to feed it all into her computer in order to bill me, all the while greeting the slowly growing list of customers, answer phones (mainly from some guy who wanted an appointment THAT DAY, and had to think about it and call back when told the best they could do was the next morning).  Most of which went smoothly- until she got to number three.  Apparently, once she got the info all in, it should have automatically calculated all the discounts- and did until she would hit the bill button, at which point it would develop amnesia about the company discount on the work glasses.  Eventually she got it force-fed into the computer, so what would have cost me about 2/3 of Bob's new transmission only cost me about half a week's paycheck- which is good, 'cause that's about all I'll be getting this time around!

-----------------

Christmas Eve was a walk to Shoaff park and around the great circle (about 2 hours walk all told), a trip to the store (where I found my BP had went down 40 points from the day before- go figure), a bunch of episodes of Doctor Who, NCIS, and Broadchurch, and a tweeking of the Christmas decorations:




______________________________


And that brings us to Christmas 2015.

Here's KC opening gift #1...

"What is it, what is it?"

"Wow, cool, KC!"

The grand gift- and grand project for the day- an exercycle for Laurie.

Then Scrappy got the first of his gifts:

Then, for me- a tube?  Could it be?

Yes!  Van Gough's Pandoricum!

"Car air fresheners..."

"...what are you saying, Laurie?"

"Ah, much better!"

Laurie gets a cool CSI:NY shirt...

Boofus gets more treats...

Dad gets a new sign to inflict on the wall...

And just the thing for any Martin- a beer-making kit!

"God I hate packing tape!"

These are great mugs- nice thick glass, metal-embossed logos, perfect for home brew!

Daddy gets the present that Scrappy wanted- Henry the farting Hippo!

Room humidifier- desperately needed in our room.

Laurie wins best wrapped package...

Inside an also desperately needed pan and skillet set!

"No, not like that!!!"
Scrappy:  "Hey, watch the elbow!"

Yeesh, you'd think they'd remember I'm right there...

A second baby for the Boofus!

Mounted on the main room bulkhead

And the Pandoricum at the doorway.

KC and Laurie build the bike- what fun THAT was!

Later, chef KC makes his tater tot casserole...

"Good stuff, Maynard!"

And where did the dvd of the one true True Grit com from?

Why, from Shenan, who stopped by almost by surprise (except for the "are you off work tomorroe" messages we got from her 10 PM Christmas Eve night...)

Scrappy and Henry... finally at peace.