The Lipitor Post

So as you may have noticed on Time Machine, I have been put on Lipitor.  Why, you might ask?  Well, my recent blood work had my triglycerides about 56% higher than they are supposed to be.  And last night (Thursday night) I decided to look into the things you should avoid if you have been bad enough to warrant Lipitor.  Now, I just looked at "cholesterol" and not "triglycerides", so I may be completely full of it, and we'll look at that a bit later on in the post.  But...  I found this page on something called TheStreet listing "15 foods you should avoid if you have high cholesterol.  And it was not pretty for me.  Here they are, with their current status in my diet and possibility of cutting them out of said diet.

LIVER.  Can't stand liver, this is no problem.  Next?

MUFFINS, baked at home with whole milk and eggs.  Unpleasant, but still not a big deal.  Looking good so far.

MARGARINE.  Our first deal breaker.  Although, I found another site that claimed some margarines are actually good- perhaps as compared to butter.  I would say this is a 5-10 percenter.

MICROWAVE POPCORN, loaded with salt and butter.  Not all that big a popcorn guy, so this again is a dealable thing.

COMMERCIAL BAKED GOODS, like cake and cookies.  This is a real tooth gritter, although I have actually already cut out such things considerably.  I'm beginning to see the list as "if it really helped to cut this, why do I need the Lipitor?"  But the fun's about to begin.

SHELLFISH, including lobster, which is a pain but only a special occasion thing.  Still relatively good.

MACARONI AND CHEESE.  This is in the "not gonna happen" category.  While I have been pretty good at limiting pasta to whole grain, don't ask me not to add as much cheese as feasible to it.  A good 5% er here.

HAMBURGERS.  The chances of me giving up cheeseburgers are roughly the same as the odds of hitting Powerball.  This is about 15% of diet level.

FRIED CHICKEN.  Not a huge dent, but I'm not skipping it when presented.

FRENCH FRIES.  See Hamburger.  In fact, just don't bring up anything to do with any form of potato.

CREAM CHEESE.  This is something I'm only beginning to explore.  Already lobbying Laurie to make more of those cheesecake-oreo things that she whipped up for Christmas.  Not a significant level item here... yet.


ICE CREAM.  The article led this one with the comment, "This one might sting a little."  Yeah, that boat sailed previously.  Ice cream has been a way-cut down ever since I got the "sugar lecture", and unless I ever find a sugar-free ice cream in my grocer's freezer, not a big deal.


EGG YOLKS.  Somebody at work suggested I could do the egg substitutes.  My answer: "I am NOT eating FAKE EGGS."  I may look into this, though, as a token effort.  I wouldn't hold my breath, though.


BUTTER.  First margarine, now butter.  JUST WTH AM I SUPPOSED TO USE???  Okay, guys, choose one.  Both is not occurring.  Not in this life nor the next.

RED MEAT.

They go on to add to this last one:

Healthy alternatives to red meat include vegetable proteins, like beans, chicken (not fried), and fish, such as salmon, which is high in heart healthy omega-3 fatty acids, the AHA says.

"Vegetable Proteins".    I eat lots of beans, and salmon- although I CAN'T make patties anymore since I use eggs.  But I go on to look up vegetable proteins, and here's the suggested list:

Peas, spinach, kale, broccoli, sprouts, mushrooms, brussels sprouts, asparagus, and corn.  Now peas I can swallow whole in moderation; spinach I've learned to put up with in certain dishes, love mushrooms.  I think I have prolly had kale in salads but wouldn't know it unless it jumps out of the bowl and slapped me.  Asparagus brings up the whole pee thing from last MWN, corn I was told to cut down because of the diabetes thing, and I would rather drop dead than eat the rest of this list.  All in all, there is not much hope of me surviving on a "vegetable protein"-centric diet.


So we look up triglycerides and what to cut, and WebMD says-

Cut the starchy veggies- like PEAS and CORN.  So much for the vegetable protein.

Baked beans with sugar or pork.  And there goes the fiber.

Small portions of fruit.  No prob there, I'm well under their fruit limit.

Alcohol.  Can't even drink the blues away.

Canned fish packed in oil.  What?  My sardines now?

Coconut.  ABSOLUTELY no problem there, I can't stand the stuff.

Cutting servings on starchy food.  They say, " A serving is a slice of bread, 1/3 cup of rice or pasta, or half a cup of potatoes or cooked oatmeal."  At those rates, that recommendation better be "per hour".

Sugary drinks.  BUSTED!

Honey or maple syrup.  HAH! Gotcha!  Already switched to Truvia nectar and sugar free syrup.

Baked goods (with a side of bitching about butter in the article.  Covered this already.

Fat meats.  "You don't have to give up meat completely. But consider choosing leaner cuts. Also, avoid all processed meats, including bacon, sausage, and ham".  Bacon?  Really?  And this article wasn't banned in America?

Butter or Margarine.  This again?  They suggest olive oil as a replacement in cooking, but how do you spread that on toast?  Bright side?  We already use margarine made with olive oil, so screw you.

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Long story short, I'm gonna continue to watch the things that I have been watching- many of which I have gotten lazy about of late- and cheerfully go on with my day.  When I looked into what I needed to do to control sugar and sodium several months back, I made an emotional wreck of myself.  THIS CRAP IS NOT WORTH IT.  That may sound bad, but I am not going to worry myself into a hole about it.  I ain't got that much life left, and I intend to spend it moderately enjoying it, not starving to death as they slowly add to the list of stuff I can't eat until I end up licking rocks.