Time Machine- "Christmas with Bill Haley"

And now.... Bill Haley and his Comets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






BH:  Thank you, thank you, everyone, and welcome to Time Machine's Christmas with Bill Haley- a concept born the last time I was a guest here, back in the late summer, I believe!  And today I have a wonderful present for everyone, the unstoppable, 9th annual, Time Machine Beauty Contest!  And now, to tell us all about it, our Grand maestro, are Poobah of Probability, Chris Martin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Applause dies off, crowd gets quiet)

Um, yes, thanks everyone, and thank you, Bill, I'm so glad you 'consented' to do this with us...

Why the quotes around "consented", bud?

Because our lawyer informs me I need to make clear up front that all guest appearances, including his own, are strictly fictitious.  Anyhow, welcome to our little Christmas party, and as Bill told you, we'll be getting into this year's Beauty contest shortly!  Of course, the last 8 years, Scrappy has made the actual pick, but he isn't here any longer to do that.  But I considered and figured that he would want the show to go on.  That means, I needed a celebrity draw-er who would work for doggie treats, and here he is, Wayne Newton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WN:  Thank you!  Than... hey, waitaminit!  I'm working for DOGGIE TREATS???!!!??

Oh, come on, you know I'm kidding.  Anyway, out of a field that ran from (supposedly) 153 year-old Asmar Salakhova to 22 and 25 year old Lily and Madeline- 77 total contestants- I have personally selected a class of 7 to see who will reign over 2020!  But first, a little history, as usual.  The first time I did this, I took all the ladies who'd ever hit #1 on the charts and picked out a group from which I selected Brandy (even though to this day I've never heard a song of hers, just sayin').  After that, it was Scrappy who would select every year, using a wide variety of treats to aid in that selection.  His picks over the last seven years:

Patti Boyd

Tina Louise

Linda Ronstadt

Natalie Imbruglia

Jane Birkin

Justine Brown

and Dorothy Martin

This year, I picked seven finalists, and Bill, howsabout introducing some of 'em?

BH:  I'll be delighted, you betcha!  Our first contestant came into the public eye playing on The Pheasant Family...

Damnit, Nardole, didn't you fix that card?  That should be, "The Partridge Family", Bill...

Ah, all right, anyway, here is the lovely Miss Susan Dey!!!!!!!!!!!

"Thanks, Bill, and I think Pheasant might have been better..."

BH:  Anything but 'Peacock', considering your network, eh?  Next up, this lady slammed into the M10 with a number one called Stranger Places, but I don't see her being strange at all!  Here's Joy Downer!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Mr Haley!  I'd say the same about you... but I kinda like you strange...

They don't come any stranger, honey!  Next, I'm not sure here whether she's going by married name, Danoff, or maiden name Nivert, but from the Starland Vocal Band, here's Taffy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You can just call me Taffy, Bill...

An' you can call me anytime!  Let's knock out one more before we move on.  Chris, here, you take the wheel while I get with the boys for our next number!

No prob, Bill!  Our fourth contestant just had the M10 #1 a couple of weeks ago, here's Brooke Annibale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you... but could you talk to the little guy in the tux?  He's starting to creep me out...

No problem, I'll just go have a chat with Mr Newton while you all enjoy Bill Haley and his Comets!!!!!!

Nice, Bill!  First time I heard you'r version...

BH:  Well, thanks to Brenda Lee, I get that a lot... say, uh, she's not in the contest, is she?

Not this year, Bill, you're safe.  So I happened to be bopping around the webs a bit ago, and I found a list from ASCAP...

Hey, can you say that over the air?

It's the American Society of Composers, Authors, and Publishers, Bill, you know that!  Anyway, they have a list of their top selling Christmas songs, irrespective of who recorded them...

You don't say...

Yep, and that song you guys just did placed 4th!  How about you let us in on the rest of the list?

All righty!  So, #10 was Sleigh Ride... nine was Let It Snow Let It Snow Let It Snow...

Never a favorite of mine...

Number eight would be Jingle Bell Rock; seven is Last Christmas... have to say I don't know that one...
It came after your time. Lucky you.

Oh, right, the time thing.  Six was Rudolph The Red Nose Reindeer; five went to It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.  Four, like you says, is Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree; Three is A Holly Jolly Christmas.  Number two goes to It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas... 

And number one....

Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm surprised you knew Mariah Carey...

Well, I didn't spend ALL of my prep time in the green room...

All righty, then!  How about you knock out these last three contestants, while I check on our next guest...

Got it, Daddio!  This next lady goes by the threatening moniker of Springtime Carnivore, but in real life, she's the beautiful Greta Morgan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HOPE I don't threaten you, Bill...

Honey, that all just depends!  Next, we have another contestant who's been here before, and Chris'll likely keep putting her in until she wins... and I'd sure vote for her!  Here, from the Mamas and the Papas, Michelle Phillips!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks, dude... got any weed?

 SHHHHH......  See me after the show, child!  And our final contestant, who conquered the M10 this year, form Geowulf, here's Star Kendrick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you, Bill!

No problemo, honey!  Chris, you ready?

Yes, I am!  So figuring that most people consider White Christmas the biggest Christmas song of all time- which is surprising that it only finished 13th on ASCAP- I looked into it, and found that of the 12 times it charted- three of those at #1- it NEVER charted in the Martin Era 2.0!  The last year it charted on the MAIN Billboard charts was 1954.  So the biggest charting song in the M10 era, I believe, was this next tune.  Please help me welcome, Mr Nat King Cole!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!








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Nat's song there made 11th on the ASCAP list, Bill.

I wonder how they didn't get any higher?

Probably because they were mostly the one person recording, where a lot of the others have been recorded by a lot of people.  Of course, you can explain George Michael and Mariah Carey by the internet...

You can explain Mariah because of her...

BILL!!!!!!!

Oh, yeah, right, Christmas. Sorry.  Say, what's next in this little extravaganza?

Next is, it's that time- time for Wayne Newton to come out and let us in who our winner of the Beauty Contest is!  WAYNE!

Here I am!

WN: So I'm not going to have to pick the paper under the treat I like best, am I?  Because if I do, I want Coors Light for my treats...

Well, maybe if my son was running this show, but no.  What we are going to do is...

Do I get to see them in bikinis?  Or lingerie?

BH:  You wish, Sam!

IF you'll let me finish:  We will shuffle a deck of cards.  You will cut said deck until you get an Ace, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, or 7.  When you do, you will hand it to me without revealing it to me.  I have a list of our contestants, I will match the card to the name on the list, and you get to read the answer.  Got it?

WN:  Can I at least have the Coors Light?

Elvis doesn't allow alcohol on board, especially after the Rodney Dangerfield incident.  Here, cut the cards...

WN:  All right... no.... no.... ah, here we go!  Here's the card!

Okay, let me match it to the list...  Yes!  That's who I was rooting for!  Here, Wayne....

WN:  Ladies and Gentlemen... say, do I get to sing, "There She Is"?

NO.

WN:  Man, you're no fun!  The winner of the 9th annual Time machine Beauty Contest is...

.................BROOKE ANNIBALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Do I get to give her flowers and a kiss?

You're lucky she wasn't sicced Bellbottom on you yet!  Back to you, Bill!

BH:  All right, time to close this great show with a great number by a cast member the show wouldn't be the same without.  Take us out, Elvis Presley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







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Everybody, I hope you enjoyed our show, and have a great Christmas next week!  I'd like to thank all the lovely ladies, Bill and Wayne, Nat and Elvis- you're the king, buddy!  Special thanks for Laurie, who was "Wayne's hands" tonight- except when he was trying to grope the contestants, that was him- and to all of you I may have offended with my characterizations, just keep in mind this is an imaginary Time Machine, so I prolly just got an imaginary alternate-universe version of you.  God Bless Ye every one!

The M10 update before the big Christmas Party

So tomorrow the Time Machine Christmas with Bill Haley finally goes live, a work I am very very proud of!  But since I did it a couple of weeks ago, it contains nothing in the way of the usual stuff- including this week's M10 update!  So once again, here's an update sans Time Machine post, but just in case you miss the silliness of the usual posts, I'll let the TM version of Larry, Moe, and Curly do the songs...

Lissen here, I'm gonna be Moe!

Yeah, fine with me- well, Howard in your case, ha ha!  Why don't you kick things off?

EP:  Because I get to do the finale!  Hey, Curly, you're up....

Nardole:  I assume you are referring to me... I really wish our boss would have came up with something more respectable to call us, like Porthos, Aramis, and D'artagnon...

How about Winken, Blinken, and Nod?  Or Lucky, Dusty, and Ned? Or Marsha, Jan, and Cindy?  Or...

N:  Really, Curly is satisfactory.  At any rate, the song at #10 is Criminal Hygiene with Mississippi Belle, dropping 2 spots in its fourth week.  Number nine moves up one spot, it is Maybird with Gonna Lose Your Mind- the beginning of a heavily psychedelic genre listing.  Finally, at #8 is our lone debut for the week, by a band who was in our home base of Fort Wayne this summer.  They go by the allegedly meaningless acronym of MGMT, and this is a brand new song off an upcoming album of the same name...






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Mister Bellbottom, if you would...

HB:  I most strenuously object to being referred to as, 'Larry', 'Dusty', or 'Jan'...

EP:  How's Harpo grab ya?

HR:  OR Harpo, or anything else your questionable senses of humor can come up with!  But, as an employee in good standing and well-compensated, I shall move past this foolishness and do my part.  A rather shocking development at #7, as last week's #1, the band Carroll with Fern tumbles all this way, not a record, but certainly the first time in a number of years a song has fallen that far.  Also struggling this week is the band Tennis with Runner, seemingly stuck at #6 for a second week.  And at the #5 position, we have the former #1- now moving into a tie for the highest charting song of this calendar year- Ms Brooke Annibale, spending her 9th week at #5, down one spot and one only, with Collided... er, 'piano version'.  MISter Presley...


EP:  Thanks, Larry!  So that brings us to those rowdy boys from Saint Asonia, up a step to #4, with This August Day.  Hmmm, think they missed their month a bit!  Then it's them good ol' boys n girls called Krug... Krump... Aw hell, that outfit from Texas with that kid Leon Bridges singin' fer 'em, with Texas Sun... they all go up 4 spots to #3... an' it's Criminal Hygiene agin, with Incompletely up a spot to #2... hey!  My three songs are up, an' I didn't do the #1!!!

It is not my fault you can't count with your shoes on!  I get to do the number one, and that goes for the second time, to...

The Derevolutions- or Derevs, as we call 'em here- with It's The Love!!!!!!!

I'd like to thank Patty, LaVerne, and Maxine for all their help today.  But tune in tomorrow- it's the BIG one!

Wednesday Bible Study: A deep dig into Proverbs XV

This week we move into chapter 6 of Proverbs, and it folds neatly into three sections, of which I will do the first one this week.  This section we might subtitle, "the calamities you bring on yourself", and it also contains three sections.  First, Solomon makes a plea about being surety for someone else- and the absolute need to get out of it.  The second part is the famous, "Go to the ants, thou sluggard" passage on laziness; the third is an admonition to not become like the wicked, and share in their destruction.  I want to do this a little different this week.  Not that we can't apply these lessons to ourselves- any of us who've got burned by a debtor, watched a child refuse to develop a work ethic, or spent a night in jail for something stupid, realize that- but I keep seeing this as Solomon warning Rehoboam about the way he sees his son's life going, and I want to look at it, speculatively, from that angle.

So part one we're talking about losing your freedoms as a result of someone else's debt.  Solomon himself was speculated to be possibly the richest man who ever lived.  He poured enormous sums into building projects, ornaments for the Temple, and other projects.  So it always puzzled me that when Rehoboam asked advice from the elders, their first response was, "Cut your father's taxes."  Why would a man as rich as Solomon need to tax his people so much?

My guess:  He blew it all.  For a good share of his kingship, according to Ecclesiastes, he ceased to listen to the Holy Spirit/Wisdom and sought meaning in life from non-spiritual venues.  Is it too much to believe that he wasted so much money during those years- 40 years on the throne- that he was, by the time he came to his senses and returned to Wisdom, he was taxing his people to pay off his enormous debt?  Keep in mind that by today's prices, he'd have had to be blowing through somewhere near a BILLION AND A HALF of today's dollars per year!  But at any rate, being in debt was on his mind- and in the first section...

Pro 6:1  My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, have given your pledge for a stranger, 
Pro 6:2  if you are snared in the words of your mouth, caught in the words of your mouth, 
Pro 6:3  then do this, my son, and save yourself, for you have come into the hand of your neighbor: go, hasten, and plead urgently with your neighbor. 
Pro 6:4  Give your eyes no sleep and your eyelids no slumber; 
Pro 6:5  save yourself like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the hand of the fowler. 

...he may well have been pleading with Rehoboam not to make things any worse.  His buddies, however, were likely advising him that lower taxes= the end of their party lifestyle, which leads us into the next section...

Pro 6:6  Go to the ant, O sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise. 

Pro 6:7  Without having any chief, officer, or ruler, 

Pro 6:8  she prepares her bread in summer and gathers her food in harvest. 

Pro 6:9  How long will you lie there, O sluggard? When will you arise from your sleep? 

Pro 6:10  A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, 

Pro 6:11  and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want like an armed man. 

Now keep in mind that, if Rehoboam was 42 when he became king, he watched his father's ENTIRE reign.  And this was a man that acquired a wife or concubine every TWO WEEKS on average.  How much, between the wives, the seeking pleasure, etc., did Solomon actually do himself?  His son had to be mainly watching dear old dad sit around passing out orders half the day, and excusing himself to the harem the other half for a good chunk of four decades.  So if Solomon was as late back to obedience to God as it seems, Rehoboam was prolly in his mid-30s and not of much mind to do much more than Dad did by the time Solomon started these lectures.  Solomon already saw the way this man, his son, had been trained up, and knew where it would lead him.  Which brings us to the third section...

Pro 6:12  A worthless person, a wicked man, goes about with crooked speech, 

Pro 6:13  winks with his eyes, signals with his feet, points with his finger, 

Pro 6:14  with perverted heart devises evil, continually sowing discord; 

Pro 6:15  therefore calamity will come upon him suddenly; in a moment he will be broken beyond healing. 

Solomon likely saw this in Rehoboam; he likely saw it in the 'friends' Rehoboam associated with.  I wonder how much of Proverbs was written as a desperate attempt to put the train back together after the wreck.  That it was inspired by the Spirit, we can have no doubt, because of the many lessons we can learn from it without the same level of desperation.  So in the end, while we can learn from the lessons themselves, the greater lesson is this:  BE THE EXAMPLE before it grows too late.


By the way, the next 2 Wednesdays are Christmas and New Years, so study on your own, and be back in 3 weeks!

Elks take 2019 NHFFL title

Meet this year's NHFFL champion!  Laurie's main team, the Elks (a play on her initials LKE) rolled over my 4th team, the Aguas, 60- 34 this weekend to take her 4th championship.

She had the best regular season record as well.  Opening with a 59-41 win over KC's Clock Barbeques, the Elks went on down the Buzz Lightyears 33-28; took a loss to my KCAs 45-37; then a 56-36 thumping by the Peanuts left her at 2-2.  They blew out the B2s 55-35, but then lost again- for the second to last time- to my #2 team, the State Ducks 34-22.  Following that came wins of 47-35 over the B2s, and again the next week 30-24, revenge on the Peanuts 58-55, a blowout of the Angels 66-33, over the Clock BBQs again 37-32, before losing a meaningless finale to the Ducks 45-42.

That gave her an 8-4 mark and a bye into the second round of our playoffs, in which they revenged on the Ducks 45-21 to go to her 5th title game.  The Super Bowl, our 23rd (with the Elks competing for their 18th season), started out with the Elks building a big advantage at 30-15- but then, Andy Dalton tried to singlehandedly bring the Aguas back in with his 4-interception performance against the Aguas' New England defense.  His incompetence brought the game back to 30-27... but then the incompetence of my formerly favorite team, the Miami Dolphins- turned the tide as the Giant's Saquon Barkley got two touchdowns in a very short time, and suddenly it was 42-28.  Chris Carson added on his second TD for good measure shortly thereafter, and it was all over but the final score.  Monday night, Drew Brees joined Barkley, Carson, and Kenny Stills as 12- point scorers to complete the rout.

The Elks 4th title goes with her 28-24 win over the Fiery Beagles in '07, and consecutive wins over the Greenwoods, 40-28 in '13 and 47-33 in '14.

Congrats to Laurie, Brees, Barkley, Carson, Stills, Josh Jacobs, Amari Cooper, Chris Godwin, Tyler Boyd, Kyle Rudolph, Harrison "Butkicker" Butker, the Baltimore and Arizona Ds, Steven Haushka, Jameis Winston, and (briefly) Gardiner Minshew, LeSean McCoy,  and (even briefer) Andrew Luck on a great season!

MWN: You shouldn't be driving edition

So I got reminded by Bobby G's wife of a story I saw last night that he and I would surely have run competing posts on, and a quick look at the news told me this subject might just blow up into a whole post.  So let me start with the story that set the wheels in motion...

Here's New York's own Joshua Lewis Brown.  Joshua had a flat on the Indiana Toll Road, and some kind State Troopers were about to help him get a tow truck.  But then, things went wrong for young Joshua...

While a trooper prepared to oblige Brown in his request, he noticed a fake license plate handwritten with crayon on a grocery bag. That caused the troopers to investigate further, ISP said in a release.

The troopers ran a check of the Toyota’s VIN and discovered the vehicle had been reported stolen out of State College, Pennsylvania the day prior.

The troopers also found that Brown had never been licensed to operate a vehicle in any state, and was on probation for Grand Larceny. (Thanks to WANE.com)

...a fake license, written in CRAYON on a grocery bag.  If your fake anything starts out with, "in crayon", you probably should have yourself tested for  Reality Withdrawal Syndrome.

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So I had this story in the back of my mind as I perused the news, and immediately hit THIS gem...

Here we have... well, let the special constables from Rotherham, South Yorkshire, tell it...


Specials from Rotherham found this Peugeot tonight and arrested its driver for an expired license, no insurance, leaving an RTC, not showing up to court and last but by no means least, for driving whilst so incredibly drunk he failed to realise he was missing a tyre.’ (Metro.co.uk, with a heads up from Fox News)


Perhaps he should have drawn one on the rim with crayon...

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 Let's see what other car stories are out there...

Problem:  Truck slides on ice, goes backwards into Lake Michigan in Chicago.  Solution:  How about salting the road?  Further problem:  Vehicle is a city salt truck.  Fortunately, both workers were safe, and the truck was pulled shivering from the cold water by a crane.  Luckily, it still had that 4th tire!  (From the Chicago Sun-Times with a heads-up from CNN)


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From the Moscow Times, we get an article about Tesla's new Cybertruck.  Well, actually, a handful of Social Media takes on the new Cybertruck, including:

New mobile Lenin burial plot...

Bringing home the bacon...

...and necessary options for navigating Russia's rural roads...

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Here's an older story, but still pretty good...

In October, a shipment of 900 Mercedes-Benz autos were stopped at port in Australia and sent back because they were infested with our friend above, the heath snail, indigenous to Europe but an invasive pest to Australia.  30 of the little tourists were found in the shipment, and that was enough for the Department of Agriculture to put up the U-Turn sign. (Xinhua)

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Welcome to a city whose name doesn't fit the condition at hand- Lucknow, India.  Luck was not 'now' this day, when the city's new FASTag program, where a camera scans your car's windshield sticker and charges your toll without you having to stop, was launched.

Problems:  The camera couldn't read the stickers;  promised hybrid lanes to be established in case of glitches, were not; and employees were charging luck-less drivers double "as a penalty"- You might want to rescind that rule until you KNOW what you're doing, guys... (Times Of India)


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And finally, you might want to leave that 'new car smell' to the experts...

The odor-challenged driver in Halifax, UK here sprayed what normal people might have concluded was an 'excessive amount of air freshener in his car while sitting in traffic... (BBC)

...and then lit a cigarette. 

He escaped with only minor injuries; his car and the windows of nearby businesses weren't so lucky.  Uh, dude, maybe you wouldn't need the air freshener if you gave up smoking... or Taco Bell...

Sunday message: Two thoughts.

I cannot say I have an organized post here, but I do have two thoughts I wanted to share.  First one is a mini debate I had on Twitter with a gun control activist who proudly proclaims that his purpose is "to drive conservatives to their safe zones by making them block him."  Our debate started with the latest knife attack in London, which I TRIED to point out was an example that while man is fallen, gun control laws are no answer.  As usual with these things, it went round and round and grazed past the situation in Chicago, where tight gun control laws have minimal effect on high gun crimes.  His response to that was that " Can’t have a gun control when the town next door is dumping weapons onto the black market."  And I agreed; but I also pointed out that as long as there IS a black market, you could have the same laws all over the world and the gun crime would keep going on, as long as man is fallen.  His response:  "So that’s a success. You’re straw manning by saying all murder has to end or there’s no point."


Now I could make a big deal of the quite obvious fact that, like most liberals, when he runs out of intellectual steam, and he's for a change above insults, he wheels in the old "straw man"- essentially saying, "You're argument is not valid because it is not MINE."  But no, I want to go back to the point before.

You cannot overlay gun control over mental illness and expect it to work.  You can't overlay gun control over racial hatred, over "thug life", over drug deals, over radical beliefs, or over radical false religions and expect it to work.  Every year I see at least two mass-murders in China involving machetes or long knives. Or in the UK.  Or bombs.  Or just this week, plowing a car into a crowd.  If all you want to do is remove guns from the equation, even then gun control doesn't work.  And if you aren't married to your agenda, you can see that.

The problem isn't guns.  It is that man is in a fallen state.  So many people want to make themselves feel good by believing, "man is essentially good."  You tell me.  When we have people actively looking at the way the GOVERNMENT of Israel treats the TERRORISTS of Palestine and because of that, the Ten Commandments are racist and should be replaced with a 'law code' that allows the utter domination and beating of women, the rape of children, and complete control of life by Imans who essentially would like to cull the earth's population down to the members of HIS sect.  When a duly elected Congresswoman of the United States can look at a crime where black radicals kill Jewish merchants and call it "white supremacy".  Where the same liberal talk show host who condemns Christians for not being 'inclusive' can berate a woman on his show for HER Christianity.

No, man is NOT essentially good.  He is fallen, and only Christ can heal what is broken in him.  That is not a 'straw man.'  That is a fact.  And as long as all you want to do is address guns, you're addressing nothing.


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The other thought came to me during a message reminding me that the entire Old Testament points to Christ.  And I mused to myself how that ties to a question I've always had.  Namely:  In the book of Esther (the one book of the Bible in which God is NEVER mentioned), why is it that Esther's plan to expose Haman involved TWO dinners with him and Ahasuerus- one of which only contained the invitation to the other?  The other, of course, being the one in which she finally accused Haman and he was judged.


Picture it this way, as I did this morning:  Jesus comes the first time- like Esther, at the risk of His own life- to issue an invitation.  The second time, Jesus comes to JUDGE fallen mankind, and save His people.  Esther was, in her way, foretelling the mission of Christ on earth.

Thank you, Lord.  I am always in awe when You explain something to me.

Time Machine co-ordinates VICXXII602121374

Well, if you come to Time Machine just for the lead ins, you are in for a hurtin'.  We are in December 13th, 1974, and our list of events includes:  Malta changing its constitution to become a republic;  George Harrison meeting with President Ford; and the morning after Jimmy Carter opened his presidential campaign...

Oh, and he brought Ravi Shankar, too...

...so not a lot of depth here.  This week, though, we have two M10 debuts, the Spotify list of what I listened to most this year, Laurie and I channeling Siskel and Ebert, and Elton John!  But FIRST...


NEXT WEEK:  The long-awaited, rumored but not believed, Christmas with Bill Haley Show, including this year's Time Machine 9th Annual Beauty Contest!  Join myself, Bill, and Wayne Newton for this warped extravaganza!

THE FOLLOWING TWO WEEKS:  Some manner of M10 update, combined with my top 20 for the year -yet to be decided if I will go straight by points or fiddle with it a bit.

JANUARY 10TH- the normal buffoonery re-commences with... whoever wins this week!

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Let me start right off with this week's first debut, a brand new single from Maybird....







Maybird's third time in the M10 starts us off at #10....

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Welcome in Elton John, everybody!

Glad to be back... I suppose...

So this is your third time winning POTM, and your third different song to do it.  But they are really widely gapped appearances... one might say they were " so spaced out..."

Uggh.  Perhaps you should leave the comedy to Elvis...

Easy, Spangles, easy...

Uh, let's be chill, 'tis the season, guys.  So you have been apprised of the new modus operandi here, right?

EJ: Yes, your lawyer is quite the... proper gent, isn't he?

EP:  S'okay, you kin say 'stuffed shirt'..."

EJ:  I feel as though I met him before.  Didn't he used to work with Apple Records?

EP:  Yeah, 'n they dumped him on US.

HB:  You say that as if it is a negative...

GENtlemen, let's adjourn to the task at hand, please...

EP:  An' Chris kin git stuffy too...

Here is your list, Sir Elton... there were 13 songs across 41 stations this week...

EJ:  All right, let me adjust my spectacles...

EP:  Heck, I thought those were cheaters!

EJ:  No, I assure you they may be gaudy, but they are necessary.  A grand total of 8 contestants were of the one-vote wonder variety, including:

Australian votes for Ernie Sigley and Denise Drysdale doing a cover of Hey Paula, and Daryl Braithwaite doing the song popularized elsewhere by Helen Reddy, You're My World...

Myself with Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds, charting at #10 on Cashbox, along with my good friend David Bowie with Changes at #73...

And the Doobie Brothers with Black Water, which snuck in a vote despite not entering the national chart until next March...

And in the interests of actually having four contestants on this week's rather lop-sided chart, I stop here with the note that Miss Reddy got two votes of her own for Angie Baby at #2.

And with that, we roll merrily along to the final four, for your perusal...

Choose please from:

Billy Swan, I Can Help, at #4...
The Three Degrees, When Will I See You Again at # 5...
Carl Douglas with Kung Fu Fighting at #1...
and Bobby Vinton with My Melody Of Love at #14.

EP:  Nice job, Rhinestone!

EJ:  How about you, 'get back, Honky Cat'?

Perhaps YOU should leave the comedy to Elvis!

EP:  Wait!  I don' git it...

Anyways, thanks for playing along with us today, Sir Elton, you're a great sport!  Next up...

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Last time, I mentioned that Spotify came up with a new deal where it made lists of the songs you played the most over the past decade.  There were definitely some surprises in the lists, and I thought this week I would share with you what I played the most this year!

10- Amazingly, this went to a song that got just 4 weeks on the M10, peaking at #5... but waited on the shuffle quite a while to get in!  And that would be Piroshka with Everlastingly Yours.

9- Not nearly so surprising is the first of 6 M10 #1s on the list- M.A.G.S. with Drugs.

8- One of 2 for The Dig- You're Not Alone.

7- Saint Asonia cracks the list with The Hunted...





*NOTE* Beware the ending...!

6-  The last non-#1 on the list, Moon Taxi's Now's the Time.

5- First of 2 for King Leg- Running Scared.

4- Star Kendrick and Geowulf, He's 31.

3- The Orwells, Last Days In August.

2-  Again with The Dig, Moonlight baby.

1- And to no great surprise, King Leg's Seeing You Tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!


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So one of the things we've been doing here lately is looking at the seemingly odd covers on each week's chart, and after I did those instant reviews last week, I thought it might be fun to do a "Siskel and Ebert" with Laurie on them!  And here's this week's crop.  NOTE:  I don't include fairly popular covers here, so that's why You're No Good didn't make the list, Linda Ronstadt...

First:  Ringo Starr, Only You:  We both thought this fast version was okay, though the original was better.  Two thumbs up.
Second: Willie And The Hand Jive, Eric Clapton:  Laurie: "If you could hear this version without having heard the original, it was good."  Chris:  "I was hoping for a big Slowhand instrumental break to save it- and it never happened." Laurie up, Chris down.
Third: She's Gone, Tavares: The best thing about this was the YouTube comment war between those who knew this was a Hall and Oates cover and those who didn't.  Two thumbs down.
Fourth: Ruby Ruby, Billy "Crash" Craddock:  A pretty faithful cover that made me tap along.  Two thumbs up.
Fifth:  If, Telly Savales:  Yes, Telly Savales.  Laurie:  "When you take a slow song and slow it down more, and you're like, 'c'mon, speed back up' .."  Chris: "Monotone spoken word, really?" ALL FOUR DOWN.

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Yes, the constellation, but there was a band Ursa Major that you never prolly heard of- and it was one of the first bands Billy Joel was in, although he left "for personal reasons" before they got off the ground.  Another member who stuck around was guitarist Dick Wagner, who later shared stage with Steve Hunter in Alice Cooper's Welcome To My Nightmare-era band.  On one early project, Steve was faced with an unusual task on a song by producer Bob Ezrin- first he was asked to play a 12-string guitar on a track, but as he didn't really know the instrument that well, he played it acoustic instead- and did it three times, which then all three where aligned together.  Also on the track, drummer Allan Schwartzburg was told to play with a shaker in one hand, and the with the other use a drumstick on a TELEPHONE BOOK.  This track became our 6D victim, the only #1 for Harry Chapin, Cat's In The Cradle- at #3 this week without Panel Love.


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Sta Pack:  Big mover this week were the Eagles with Best Of My Love, flying up 21 spots from 72 to 51; debuts included the Ohio Players' Fire at 100, ELO's Can't Get It Out Of My Head at 85, Lady by Styx at 80, and Grand Funk Railroad's Some Kind Of Wonderful at 77.  And in the UK, the top spot went to Barry White with You're My First My Last My Everything.

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Did you think I forgot the other debut on the M10?  This is a combination of two acts.  The first is new to the M10, the other a veteran.  The new act is a band of eclectic tastes who take their name from the Thai word for "fly" or "airplane"- Khuarngbin. ("We're from Texas, we pronounce it 'Krung-Bin.") The second is the multi talented vocalist Leon Bridges.  They collaborated on a new EP, and here's the title track, coming in at #7 with a big bullet:





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The rest of the M10:

Falling to 9 is Jeff Lynne's ELO and Down Came The Rain.
Up one to 8 is Criminal Hygiene's Mississippi Belle; their Incompletely rises a spot to #3.
Tennis danced up 4 to #6 with Runner; Saint Asonia stayed just ahead, moving up 3 to #5 with This August Day.
Brooke Annibale slides down 2 to #4 in her 8th week with the three-time #1, Collided.
The Derevs move into the #2 spot with It's The Love.

And for a second week at the top...

Carroll... with Fern!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the POTM pick?

Well, as Elton said, it wasn't real close.  If you took Bobby Vinton, you got 7.3%...
Billy Swan got you only a little better with 9.75%.  Some help!
The Three Degrees, which would have been my #1 this week, also netted 9.75%.







But the winner, with 48.8 %.......

..........Carl Douglas and Kung Fu Fighting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

All right, that's a wrap!  Next week is the year end party of the ages here on Time Machine, so DON'T MISS IT!  Come back next year to see Carl chop through the Panel picks!