Time Machine co-ordinates VICLXIX66321260

 

So today is February 12, 1960- one day after Jack Paar announced he was quitting the Tonight Show and stomped off the set.  Why was he mad enough to leave?  Because NBC censors cut a joke he told in the last night's monologue.  What dirty, filthy joke caused such a reaction?

An English lady, while visiting Switzerland, was looking for a room, and she asked the schoolmaster if he could recommend any to her. He took her to see several rooms, and when everything was settled, the lady returned to her home to make the final preparations to move.

When she arrived home, the thought suddenly occurred to her that she had not seen a “W.C.” [water closet, a euphemism for toilet] around the place. So she immediately wrote a note to the schoolmaster asking him if there were a “W.C.” around. The [Swiss] schoolmaster was a very poor student of English, so he asked the [Swiss] parish priest if he could help in the matter. Together they tried to discover the meaning of the letters “W.C.,” and the only solution they could find for the letters was “Wayside Chapel.” The schoolmaster then wrote to the English lady the following note:

Dear Madam:

I take great pleasure in informing you that the W.C. is situated nine miles from the house you occupy, in the center of a beautiful grove of pine trees surrounded by lovely grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and it is open on Sunday and Thursday only. As there are a great number of people and they are expected during the summer months, I would suggest that you come early: although there is plenty of standing room as a rule. You will no doubt be glad to hear that a good number of people bring their lunch and make a day of it; while others who can afford to go by car arrive just in time. I would especially recommend that your ladyship go on Thursday when there is a musical accompaniment. It may interest you to know that my daughter was married in the W.C. and it was there that she met her husband. I can remember the rush there was for seats. There were ten people to a seat ordinarily occupied by one. It was wonderful to see the expression on their faces. The newest attraction is a bell donated by a wealthy resident of the district. It rings every time a person enters. A bazaar is to be held to provide plush seats for all the people, since they feel it is a long felt need. My wife is rather delicate, so she can’t attend regularly. I shall be delighted to reserve the best seat for you if you wish, where you will be seen by all. For the children, there is a special time and place so that they will not disturb the elders. Hoping to have been of service to you, I remain,

Sincerely,

The Schoolmaster

And "W.C." was too risque for NBC in February of 1960.  The next night, Jack walked out mid-show.

"And that's how I showed them what a WC was really like!"

I promise, Jack, I wouldn't cut a joke like that- I might try to get you to shorten it, though, since it's MY monologue!  Welcome to this week's Time Machine, with Lloyd Price, and a buncha other fun stuff!  However, no jokes...

Jack Paar:  Oh, come on!  How're you supposed to have a good show without good laughs?

Again, Jack, my show.  I put a lot of work into these things, and...

JP:  Aw, c'mon, everyone will like me!  "It's almost impossible to dislike me, because I do nothing."

I don't think I have it in the budget for a co-host, not with Lloyd Price as a guest already.  My lawyer will have a fit...

JP:  Ah, what's a little money? "Poor people have more fun than rich people, they say; and I notice it's the rich people who keep saying it."

Lloyd Price:  Hey, Mr Martin, I don' mind if Mr Paar wanna do the show... I got laundry to do, an' all...

Just where did I lose control of this thing?  Let me figure it out while the audience listens to the first of 3 debuts.  Last summer, we had the Cover Summer... this winter, it seems to be The Winter Of Our Box Set, because we have already had a hit from Elton John's new box, one from the currently charting set by Middle Of The Road, and two more join us this week!  At #10, from Archives Vol. II, here's Neil Young and Crazy Horse, with a not-released song from 1975...

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JP:  Boy, imagine if the censors got that part about the pelts...

LP:  That's for sure, Mr Parr!  An' they'd have nevah put up with Lawdy Miss Clawdy...

Ah, gentlemen, if I may... so this was an unbelievably big Panel list for 1960, with 26 songs from 73 stations! I have whittled it down to 5 finalists, as what started as a close battle became a close battle for second place.  Lloyd, would you...

LP:  Maybe Mr Paar would like to do them instead?

JP:  No, Lloyd, you go right ahead, it's your guest shot!

I'm starting to feel like it's MY guest shot...

LP:  All right, then, you all get to choose from...

Mark Dinning and Teen Angel, # 2 on Cashbox this week;

Ah, here's my choice, Miss Toni Fisher and The Big Hurt, dropping this week after a top ten run at #20...

Percy Faith and the Theme to A Summer Place, a hot riser at #13;

Johnny Preston and Running Bear at #1;

An' another cool cat, Jimmy Jones with Handy Man at #8!

JP:  All right then, let's have the audience vote on these songs, and...

Back off, Dick Clark, still my show, and I'll ask nicely if you all wanna vote on these tunes, and while you think about it, here's the next debut, and it also is a not-released track from a brand new box set.  From The Complete Roulette Recordings, 1966-1973, here's Tommy James and the Shondells at #8...

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JP:  Say, what's next?

Next up is the 6D, and it starts with Paul Anka....

Paul did an album called Songs I Wish I'd Written, and I can see why- 6 number ones and 4 #2's were on the lp ! Among them were Panelist He'll Have To Go, which Jim Reeves won a guest shot here with a while back, and two songs which had the writing touch of Doc Pomus on them!  One was the Drifters' number one, Save The Last Dance For Me. The other was a #2 that he wrote after a ride through downtown in which he was fascinated by the rhythm he heard in the car horns on the busy streets.  After the ride he reflected on that rhythm, worked it into a tune he first called "A Crowded Avenue"- then he added a chorus, and it became a #2 hit for...

JP:  Say, wait a minute.  Why don't you take the- you said this was a #2, and there were 4 #2s on the album- why not name them, and let your fans guess which one?

Hey, I like that!  Here, tell everyone which ones are one the list!

JP:  Why, thank you!  I really enjoy this kind of thing! "Personally, I like those mystery shows. Ever since I was a kid I've been crazy about blood and detectives and murder. Maybe I was born with a silver knife in my back..." Anyway, which song came from a cacophony of car horns?  Was it...

Rambling Rose

The End Of The World

Can't Get Used To Losing You

or He'll Have To Go?

Thanks, Jack, and BTW for you all, anything he says in quotes is an actual Jack Paar quote.

JP:  Well, of course they are, I just said them!

Anyhow, let's have Lloyd come back out for the Overseas If You Please!

LP:  The what?

This is where you read off the #1 songs this week around the English Speaking world!

LP:  Alright, gotcha.  Canada was on He'll Have To Go, although it was Runnin' Bear that got 3 of the 6 Panel votes from Canada.  Australia's #1 was Crash Craddock with Boom Boom Baby. And in the UK it was multi-talented Anthony Newley with his cover of Frankie Avalon's Why, which was on the Panel at #6, and was on the British chart too at #27.  Also on the Panel was our big mover, Bobby Rydell and Oh, Wild One- up 35 from 100 to 65 this week.

Thanks, guys!  I got one more thing I'd like to throw in before the close, but first, the high debut- and the only one from a new studio lp and not a box set!  At #7, here's Weezer...

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One thing I thought about trying was letting you in on how the various Panelists fared on the top 100 songs of the year.  If it goes over, and I remember, It may become an ongoing thing.  But for this week, here they are:

The Big Hurt was #49;

47 was Marv Johnson's You Got What It Takes;

37 was Dion and the Belmonts Where Or When;

Why ended at 35;

Wild One came in at 25;

Marty Robbins had El Paso at #17;

Teen Angel, appropriately enough, was 16;

Handy Man was 13;

Running Bear was #10;

He'll Have To Go at #8;

and Theme To A Summer Place finished at the top.

And next, the M10:

9- Firefall drops 3 with A New Mexico;

6- Up a quick 4 for Crack The Sky and Blowing Up Detroit;

5- Climbing 2 for Middle Of The Road and Fate Strange Fate, the other box-set single;

4- Lilly Hiatt falls from the top after a one-week run with Brightest Star;

3- Holding is El Michels Affair and Piyat Malik and Murkit Gem;

2- Holding is Saintseneca and Wait a Minute;

And my new #1, up from #4...

PHOTOS: FORD FAIRCHILD/HOME FREE, DAVID ABBOTT/DON MCLEAN

Home Free and Don McLain with the 50th anniversary version of American Pie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack, which song was it that grew from listening to downtown traffic?

JP: Why, Chris, that would be...

...Andy Williams' hit, Can't Get Used To Losing You!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lloyd, you might as well be the one to give us the Panel results...

LP:  Sure thing, man!  If you took Jimmy Jones or Percy Faith, you got 6.8%...

If you took Miss Toni, you got 8.2... say, my picks didn't get nowhere!

Teen Angel only got ya 9.6%...

So the winner, with 21.9%....

...Johnny Preston an' Runnin' Bear!  OW WOO WOO WOO WOO!!!!!

Well, thanks guys, it all worked out pretty good tonight, so thanks a lot and... yes Jack?

JP:  I just wanted to say, you run a pretty fun ship here.  And to quote someone near and dear to my heart, I'd like to say, "As I was saying before I was interrupted ... I believe the last thing I said was 'There must be a better way to make a living than this.' Well, I've looked - and there isn't."  Everybody, make sure you come back next week for Chris, Johnny Preston, and 1961.  Goodnight, everybody!