New year will be no smarter...

 So this morning, a friend on X told me (and others) a item that claimed, " absurd leftist assertion that time was invented by imperialists-colonists as a tool to enslave brown people." After a good hard laugh at that one, I asked grok to give me a top ten of stupid liberal/far left/woke claims.  Grok's list:

1- Math is racist: Because equations and correct answers enforce a "white supremacist" standard of objectivity, ignoring cultural ways of counting or estimating.

Math is supposed to be objective, people; whether you use a supercomputer or your buddy's toes, 2+2 will give you a simple, non-racial 4.

2- Trees are colonial oppressors: Planting non-native species is an act of environmental imperialism, displacing indigenous flora and perpetuating botanical hegemony.

Now see, the big ridiculousness is in how this is phrased; the tree planted isn't the oppressor, the planter is. But since you are talking about people on the level of the 74 women in Bristol, UK, who married trees in 2021, maybe they do blame the tree.

3- Gravity is ableist: It discriminates against those who can't jump high or climb stairs easily, reinforcing societal norms that favor the physically privileged.

Okay, I officially give up on the tree thing, because once you start accusing a fundamental force of nature of prejudicial behavior, the screw has well and truly come out, and the marbles are ready to jump...

This is the one who started this rumor...

4- Water is patriarchal: Rivers "flow" in a linear, goal-oriented manner, mirroring male-dominated narratives instead of embracing fluid, non-binary cycles.

So in a fair universe, we would not have rivers, brooks and streams.  But puddles, a LOT of puddles.

5- Sleep is a capitalist plot: The 8-hour sleep schedule was invented by factory owners to maximize worker productivity, enslaving us to the clock's tyranny.

Considering how generous eight hours for sleep would be to workers at the beginning of the Industrial Revolution, and how hard unions had to fight to GIVE you 8 hours sleep, I have got to think Karl Marx  took a twirl in his grave over this one.  On the other hand, it just might explain a lot about him...

6- Oxygen privilege: People in high-altitude areas are oppressed by thinner air, while sea-level dwellers hoard breathable resources without checking their atmospheric entitlement.

I do have another X person that is going through this "oppression" having just moved to Colorado.  But, it's like Sam Kinison said about deserts- you don't like it, move where the air is!

"You live on the edge of space!  There's NO AIR there! OH! OH!"

7- Punctuation is elitist: Periods and commas enforce rigid structure on language, marginalizing free-form expression from marginalized communities.

My first thought was, there are plenty of ancient languages that did not use punctuation; learn one of them.  Second thought:  I wonder if this explains Kamala Harris's speeches...

8- Photosynthesis is speciesist: Plants converting sunlight discriminates against nocturnal beings, prioritizing daytime ecosystems over the underrepresented night shift.

I honestly am stumped on this one.

9- Colors are culturally appropriated: Rainbows steal from indigenous prism lore, and using "black" or "white" in descriptions perpetuates chromatic colonialism.

I have to ask the LGBTQ flag designers how they feel about this one...

10- Logic itself is a tool of the patriarchy: Deductive reasoning suppresses intuitive, emotional truths, silencing femme ways of knowing in favor of rigid male paradigms.

Which is in essence saying, men are always right, women are always wrong.  These things are so stupid, they trip right into the jokes.

Now to its credit, grok tells me some of these are varying levels of satire, but usually based on something actual.