I survived Friday the 13th...

...but ya hadda wonder with a start like this:

4:30 AM: Awakened by skunk out the back window- so strong I was gagging trying to get Scrappy his breakfast.  Tried a good loud fart to freshen the air, but it was swiftly overwhelmed.

5:10 AM:  Mr. Raccoon was just climbing out of the dumpster as I staggered to the car.  He listened attentively as I scolded him about his neighbor, Mr. Skunk.  Laurie came out, said, "Hi, Mr. Raccoon!"  And he ran away.

5:40 AM:  Ground hog going about 10 MPH at a diagonal to SR 3 meets corner of Chevy Impala doing sixty north on SR 3.  Slight crack to lower part of driver's side front bumper.  I suspect Mr. G. Hog came out with at least a splitting headache, I suspect.

Once inside work, though, the attack of Mutual Of Omaha's Wild Kingdom abated, and I was confident enough after work to go for a Scrappy walk.

Here's a cute little guy.

And another white one.

River's really dry now.

Usually, this spot we were exploring is an exercise in muck.  Not so much now.

"The grass is always greener on the other side..." I don't know about the grass, but that bush was certainly whiter.

Cute yellow guys... and a booogle to boot.

Scrappy, oddly enough, spent most of the time trying to drag me out of the trails.  Here's one he drug me into...

...along with the one he drug me back out through.  Thanks a heap!

Different little white guys.

Everything else has greened up nicely... the trees, though, seem a bit tardy.

Did I say dry?  Here's the "duck pond"...

And here we are in our favorite place that we haven't given a name yet.  Note how deep the muck is, and the dirty legs.  Fortunately he can walk most of the mess off.

Jet contrails.  I vividly remember how empty the sky was without them after 9/11.  Nowadays, just seeing one has a calming effect.

And while I relax, here comes Scrappy, saying, "GET YER ASS UP AND WALK ME!"

Time Machine week eleven

Well, as you might expect on a Friday the 13th, I have a bit of a challenge with this week’s chart.  With the exception of #s 8 and 10 flipping places, NOBODY MOVED in the top 10.  Now, I know you might be tempted to say, “Well, then, let’s just look at last week’s TM, transpose, and go read Al Penwasser's blog.  Good idea, but before you do, why not hang out here and give me the chance to tell a couple really good stories, and give you the Time Machine Name Game.

The Name Game works like this- I’m going to give you four real names, and you have until I hit them in the stories to guess!  Here’s those names, ready?  Joseph Alfred Souter; Asa Yoelson; Gayle Peck; Bill Robinson; and Carmine Granito.

So today is April 13th, 1970- a Black Monday rather than a Friday.  Today, Mission Control will hear the chilling words- “Houston, we have a problem,” as three tiny humans floating in the vastness of space find themselves with a blown O2 tank and a LOOOONG way from home.   Also, Greek composer Mikis Theodorakis, known for the movie scores to Zorba The Greek and Serpico, was released from the concentration camp the Army junta had slammed him into, and sent him into exile in Paris.  And my lovely Oakland A’s tried out gold colored bases for the first time.  And MLB made sure it was the last time.

And in music, 16 songs hit the hot 100 this week.  Notables among them include White Plains featuring lead singer Tony Burrows (who is one of two guys this week with two songs under different names in the hot 100) at #97 with My Baby Loves Loving.  The Sandpipers come in at 86 with Come Saturday Morning.  The Who come in at #80 with The Seeker.  And at 71, Simon and Garfunkel hit with Cecilia.

Our birthday list is a bit sparse too.  Turning 30 this week are Paul and Stevie with Ebony And Ivory; turning 40, Wayne Newton’s Daddy Don’t You Walk So Fast; and turning 50, Tony Bennett’s I Left My Heart In San Francisco.  (the Vegas crew, eh?) Blow out the candles…

The big dropper this week is Who’s Your Baby? by the Archies, led by Ron Dante (real name Carmine Granito) dropping 15 to 44.  Dante will be returning- under another group name- later on in the top 40.  The big climber is No Sugar Tonight, the flip side of The Guess Who’s American Woman, shooting from 73 to #41.

Today’s look back in time took me to a man whose name I knew, but shamefully knew little about him.  He was on top of the charts three times on this date- in 1921 with O-H-I-O (Oh-My!-O!); the next year with April Showers; and in 1926 with I’m Sitting On Top Of The World.  He was named Asa Yoelson, born in 1886 in Russian Lithuania.  You know him better as Al Jolson.


Al Jolson was world famous the blackfaced, singing Gus.  But he started out singing and doing burlesque to keep his family alive after his mom died.  in 1902 he landed a paying gig at the Walter L. Mann circus- initially as an usher till Mann heard him sing- which folded the next year.  He then had a succession of short term jobs in the biz, until producer JJ Schubert, a fellow eastern European Jew, discovered him and made him first a recording act and then a legend.  As Al Jolson, he racked up 83 top 40 hits, with all but five making the top ten ( the last hit of his main career- ironically- was 1933’s Hallelujah, I’m A Bum which hit #19) and an incredible 21 #1s.

But the amazing thing about Jolson was the man himself.  He used the blackface “mask” he wore to bring exposure to African-American talent.  In 1927, he made a conscious effort to override DW Griffith’s racist The Birth Of A Nation with his great movie The Jazz Singer.  Bringing black music to the big screen in order to help break down the barriers in society between black and white.  But he didn’t stop there-  he found out about a pair of black songwriters, for example, who’d been thrown out of a “whites only” restaurant, and invited them to dinner with him, threatening anyone who’d evict them with “a punch in the nose”.  He was good friends with many of the age’s black artists, including Bill Robinson, better known as Mr. Bojangles.

He was also an indefatigable supporter of our troops, not only hounding his way into performing in the Pacific theatre in WWII (where he lost a lung to malaria), but paid his own way to Korea when he was informed that the USO “had been disbanded”, virtually re-starting it single-handedly.  Unfortunately, the dust of Korea took a toll on his single lung; he died the same year (1950), suffering a massive heart attack whilst playing cards.  His last words were, reportedly, “Boys, I’m going…”

This whole story just scratched the surface of a life which even in the glance I took at it last night utterly astounded me.   Perhaps in a later TM I’ll do Al Jolson part II.

That brings us to #50 and the Where Are They Now segment.  And at #50 this week is Mr. Joe South (born Joseph Alfred Souter) with the song Children.  Joe had quite a name for himself both before and after he hit the big time with Games People Play.  Among the hits he wrote for others were Chain Of Fools (Aretha Franklin, #2), Sheila (Tommy Roe, #1), Down In The Boondocks (Billy Joe Royal, #9), I Knew You When (Royal again, #14), Yo-Yo ( the Osmonds, #3), Hush (Deep Purple, #4), and I Never Promised You A Rose Garden (Lynn Anderson, #3).  But tragedy struck in 1971; his brother Tommy committed suicide.  Joe became reclusive; after a last album, the darkly introspective Midnight Rainbows in 1975, he moved to Hawaii and disappeared from the spotlight altogether.  He battled drug and alcohol problems for years, finally kicking them with the help of wife Jan, whom he married in 1987.  Since then he’s popped his head out irregularly, such as when he was elected to the Georgia Music Hall Of Fame in 2004.  But the appearances have been few and far between, and his fan site hasn’t been updated since 2007. 

5 songs hit the top 40 this week.  The Cuff Links- that other act headed by Ron Dante on the charts this week- move up one to #40 with Run Sally Run.  Gladys Knight and the Pips hit with their new song You Need Love Like I Do (Don’t You).  BJ Thomas finally cracks the top with a former WATN feature, Everybody’s Out Of Town, climbing 10 to #35.  Another WATN feature is another ten-spot climber- Bobbi Martin’s For The Love Of Him, rising to #32.  And driving up a quick 20 notches to 24 are the Ides Of March with Vehicle.

A tip of the Almost But Not Quite hat to Three Dog Night, who peaked last week at 12 with Celebrate and falls to 15 this time around.  The horn section of Chicago played on this one, written by Gary Bonneal and Alan Gordon, who wrote most of the Turtles big hits, including the #1 Happy Together; as well as a list of others culminating in Barbra Streisand’s 1977 hit My Heart Belongs To Me.

No body dropped out.  Sorry.

The top 10 starts out with one of the 2 songs that actually moved- the Hollies’ He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, slipping 2.  Badfinger at 9 with Come And Get It; Bobby Sherman is the other flip-flopper, going up to #8 with Easy Come, Easy Go.  #7 was and is Simon and Garfunkel’s Bridge Over Troubled Waters.  #6 is Frijid Pink’s House Of The Rising Sun.  Norman Greenbaum sits at 5 with Spirit In The Sky.  #4 finds Tony Burrows in his other guise as Edison Lighthouse with Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes.  John Lennon imagines himself still at #3 with Instant Karma.  And that brings us to our six degrees victim- ABC by the Jackson 5, stuck at #2.

One of the band members backing the boys was bassist/sax man Wilton Felder.  Felder was an original member of the Crusaders, a jazz outfit who had to wait until 1979 for their first taste of mainstream success.  That’s when they hit the top 40 with the title track to the lp Street Life.  This particular song was used for a handful of movie soundtracks, including Burt Reynolds’ Sharkey’s Machine.  That particular sound track had two versions of the classic My Funny Valentine, one of them by a lady born Gayle Peck.  You know her better as singer/actress Julie London.  And you know Julie London best as Nurse Dixie McCall on the drama Emergency- a TV show that featured her best friend Robert Fuller as Dr. Kelly Brackett, her husband Bobby Troup as Dr. Joe Early, and ex-husband Jack Webb as producer.  Small world ain’t it?

And finally, to the unnecessary roll of drums, we have the Beatles at #1 for the third week with Let It Be.  Now, see, didn’t I tell you it would be worth it?  Okay, now go read Penwasser, and tell him I sent you!

How to win at baseball

Yes, I've been under the radar due to: research on Time Machine (today), Deadliest Catch (last night), and exhaustion (Monday).  Rest assured, I have been reading, if the comments have been sparse.  But here's one I just have to share.

Those of you who care to know, know that my first loyalty in baseball is to the A's of Oakland.  Most of the free world know that the A's purged the pitching staff this off-season, meaning that we have to find some imaginative ways to win.  And today went twelve innings to prove the point.

The Royals had taken a 4-3 lead in the top of the 12th, and brought in former Dodger closer Jonathon Broxton.   Broxton got off to a good start, striking out Daric Barton looking at a 3-2 pitch.  Pinch-hitter Seth Smith came up next, and he reached when SS Alcides Escobar couldn't get the throw on his grounder to first for an E-6.  Jemile Weeks then walked on four pitches, and Eric Sogard walked to load the bases on a 3-2 pitch.  Coco Crisp grounded out to second, scoring Smith to tie the game with 2 outs.

And then, the A's won the game on the next 2 pitches.  The first pitch hit rookie OF Yoenis Cespedes.  The second hit former Red Jhonny Gomes.  That's right, two pitches, two hit by pitches, and the A's win 5-4.

23 pitches for Broxton, and his line reads 2/3 of an inning, no hits, 2 unearned runs, 2 walks, a strikeout, and 2 HBPs.  Blown save #1, loss, 0-1 record.  In 2 months, the Royals will send him to the A's for a player to be named- wait and see.

"YEAH!!! I can't believe we found someone who loses dumber than we do!!!"

When He Returns

When He Returns
don’t expect soldiers
to lead Him away,
or accusations of blasphemy
to hold any sway

When He returns
don’t expect logic
to argue its case
or reason of science
to stand in His place.

When He returns
don’t look to the law
or governor’s command
to lessen the fall
or stay His Right Hand

When He returns
don’t expect tombs
to get in His way,
or rely upon great stones;
they’ve all rolled away.

When He returns
don’t hope to hide
behind unbelieving
or cling to a certainty that
will be swiftly receding

When He returns
don’t resist with the scourge,
the cross, or the grave;
they’ve already been tried,
and did not delay.

The women sought Him out
Peter ran to His side
John saw and believed
and the Magdalene cried

at Emmaus they heard Him
and opened the door
Thomas, he doubted, ‘til
he could no more.

The guard shook and fainted
the priests lied and paid
but none of them saw Him
in the spot He was laid

Death found its hands empty,
its prize ripped away
and Hell, it's gates broken,
its master afraid.

For despite his convincing
of the “wise” and the weak
from his great victory sprung
his greatest defeat
when He returned.

Eurohockey update

Two new champions this week as things wind down in the northern hemisphere's hockey world.  Things are just beginning to ramp up down under, though, as the Aussie hockey season opens April 28th with Adelaide hosting Canberra, Melbourne hosting Mustangs IHC, Newcastle hosting Gold Coast, and the battle of Sydney between the Ice Dogs and the Bears.

First off, those that are yet in the semis include the German teams I mentioned last week which kick off today; in Finland, #4 JYP and #6 Jokerit, along with #2 Lahti Penguines vs giant killer Espoo Blues (#8) kicked off last week with both JYP and Lahti holdiung 2-0 leads. 

Everybody else has at least reached their finals.  The Czech Extraliga features Pardubice vs Kometa Brno, who added the scalp of #2 Plsen to their belt- a 7-2 game 5 win giving Brno the win after previously knocking out #1 Sparta Praha in the quarters. 

In Denmark, the long awaited finals between Blue Fox Herning and the Odensee Bulldogs starts today.

In France, the home teams have one all games; Rouen is up 3-2 with today's game in Grenoble.

In Italy, #2 Bolzano took game one Thursday, 3-2 over #1 Val Pusteria.

In Norway, the top 2 teams- Stavenger and Lorenskog- are tied at a game apiece.  The KHL's finals were established earlier today when Avangard Omsk beat Traktor 1-0 for a 4-1 victory.  Traktor won the opener, but only scored once in the last three games.  They'll face upstart Dynamo Moscow, who tore through West Champ SKA St. Petersburg 5-4 OT, 2-1, 3-1, and 6-1.

The Slovak finals are set, with #1 Kosice facing #3 Slovan Bratislava.

In Sweden, #2 Skelleftea beat AIK 5-3 today to advance to the finals against #4 Brynas.

Switzerland features a #5 vs #7 final.  The 5, defending champ SC Bern, took out #3 Freibourg to face Zurich, who topped their quarterfinal win over #2 Davos by taking top seed Zug in the semis 4 games to one.  The final has been split by the home teams after two games.

In the UK, Belfast celebrated tearing through Dundee in the first round (5-0, 9-0) by Losing to 3-seed Cardiff 4-3 in the single game eliminations.  Cardiff goes to the finals against today's Nottingham-Hull winner.

And that brings us two our two newly crowned Champions.  First, one of the new follows for us is the Belarus Extraliga, where Mettalurg Zhlobin beat Neman Grodno 1-0 in a decisive game six to win their first BXL championship in the 19-year old league.  Zhlobin finishes the year at 51-9-4.
Zhlobin itself is a small town of around 75,000 in the south-central area of the country.  Described by their unofficial website as "519 years, 9 months, and 4 days old", it's main claim to fame is being the home of giant steel maker BMZ.

The other winner is Austria's Black Wings Linz (42-16-9) who swept KAC 3-2, 6-2, 4-1, and 3-1 after Klagenfurt won the opener.  For BWL, celebrating their 20th season, it is their second EBEL title.

Linz, in the north of Austria, was founded by the Romans as Lentia, and was first mentioned as Linz in 799 AD.  At one point in the 1400's the most powerful city in Central Europe, it was recently most noted- and not positively- as the home town of both Adolph Hitler and Adolph Eichmann.

Time Machine (and can you believe it? Already) week 10

So today is April 6th, also known as New Beer's Eve (prohibition was lifted conditionally on April 7th).  However, this is yet another Friday work day, so for me I'm still about 24 hours away from celebrating.  Among the things that happened today in 1970 was an incident called the Newhall Massacre.  If you want the full story, you can wiki it here, but the ten cent version goes like this- two ex-cons got together in the LA area for mayhem, and found themselves in a vicious shootout with no less than 4 policemen (all of whom were killed) and a heroic former Marine who tried and failed to help them.  Eventually the ringleader took his own life in a hostage situation and the other surrendered when he at last ran out of loaded weapons.  The aftermath led to better shotgun traing for officers, training officers with the same ammo that they are issued  ( the four young cops, were trained with .38 special ammo and sent to the streets with more powerful .357 mag ammo, and lack of being used to it led to several misses by the fallen officers), and the issuance of speedloader weaponry instead of having to load each shot individually ( a handicap the killers didn't share).

Also this day in 1970, Dr. Sam Sheppard passed away at the age of 46.  Sheppard was accused of killing his wife and did 10 years hard time before the conviction was thrown out in a retrial; his story became the basis of The Fugitive.  And yes, there was music, sweet music, as well.

Today, we'll see what Peter O'Toole's first movie role and the Beatles have in common; the artist that had so many sales that he asked his record label to stop keeping count; what really brought down Rick Nelson's plane; and a far calmer top ten than the last two weeks.  Shall we...?

Nine songs debut in the hot 100 this week, three of them of note.  The Gentrys- remember, the band led by Jimmy Hart?  -come in at 95 with their cover (and a very decent one) of Neil Young's Cinnamon Girl.  Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere and the Raiders comes in at 84 with Miss America.  And way up at 72 lies Steppenwolf and Hey Lawdy Mama.  42 years old this week, and now let's look at this week's other birthdays.

Turning 30 this week is Dan Fogelberg's Kentucky Derby tribute, Run For The Roses.  Hitting 35 this week are Dean Friedman's Ariel, The Trammps' Disco Inferno, and Pablo Cruise's debut Whatcha Gonna Do?  Turning 40 is the heart-tugging Oh, Girl by the Chi-Lites, as well as David Bowie's Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.  A buttload of songs turn 45 this week: The Supremes' The Happening; The Happenings' (like how that worked?) I Got Rhythm; Happy Jack from the Who (Lorraine, give Rex my regards); the best of all Neil Diamond songs- Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon; Jefferson Airplane's Somebody To Love; and last but not least, Engelbert Humperdink's Please Release Me (which was much better than my Mom's version). And hitting the big 5-0, Elvis' All Shook Up (coming in at #13) and the flip side Peace In The Valley, as well as Chuck Berry's School Day.  B-b-b-blow out the candles...

The big mover is in the top 40; the big dropper is Smith's Take A Look Around, dropping 23 to #58.  Which takes us to #50 and our Where Are They Now victim- Rick Nelson who was at 50 with Easy To Be Free.  We all know what happened with him- and most of us heard the rumor that he and his gal-pal blew up the plane free-basing coke.  But that wasn't the exact story. Read on:

When questioned by the NTSB, Pilots Brad Rank and Ken Ferguson had diversely different accounts of key events. According to co-pilot Ferguson, the cabin heater was acting up after the plane took off. Ferguson continued that Rank kept going back to the back of the plane to see if he could get the heater to function correctly and that Rank told Ferguson several times to turn the heater back on. "One of the times, I refused to turn it on," said Ferguson. He continued, "I was getting more nervous. I didn't think we should be messing with that heater en-route." After the plane crashed, Ferguson and Rank climbed out the windows, suffering from extensive burns. They shouted to the passenger cabin, but there was no response. Ferguson and Rank backed away from the plane, fearing explosion. Ferguson stated that Rank told him, "Don't tell anyone about the heater, don't tell anyone about the heater."
Pilot Rank, however, told a different story: Rank said that he was checking on the passengers when he noticed smoke in the middle of the cabin, where Rick Nelson and Helen Blair were sitting. Even though he never mentioned a problematic heater, Rank stated that he went to the rear of the plane to check the heater, saw no smoke, and found the heater was cool to the touch. After activating an automatic fire extinguisher and opening the cabin's fresh air inlets, Rank said that he returned to the cockpit where Ferguson was already asking traffic controllers for directions to the nearest airfield.
Rank was criticized by the NTSB for not following the in-flight fire checklist; opening the fresh air vents instead of leaving them closed, not instructing the passengers to use supplemental oxygen, and not attempting to fight the fire with the hand-held fire extinguisher that was in the cockpit. The board said that while these steps might not have prevented the crash, "they would have enhanced the potential for survival of the passengers." The words of the NTSB seem to echo that of firefighter, Lewis Glover, who was one of the first on the scene. Glover stated,"All the bodies are there at the front of the plane. Apparently, they were trying to escape the fire."

In my look back at the #1s on this date in history, my eye settled on Mr. Perry Como, who was #1 three times on this date:  1957 with Round And Round; 1954 with Wanted; and 1951 with If.  Como racked up an incredible 108 top 40 hits ( the last was And I Love You So in 1974), 48 top tens (the last It's Impossible in 1970) and 14 #1s from 1945's Till The End Of Time to 1958's Catch A Falling Star.  That's 14 #1s in thirteen years- one in '45, 3 in '46; then a mini-slump in 1947-8 (a slump that included 3 #2s and 2 #3s); then 2 in '49 followed by one each in '50-'54, '56-'58. But so humble a man was the multi-award-winning Como, that he asked his label to stop keeping track of his sales- and refused gold record certification on several of his hits.  Though he died in his sleep 6 days short of his 89th birthday in 2001, he lived to see several tributes to himself- as well as fellow residents Bobby Vinton and the Four Coins- in their home town of Cannonsburg, PA.

5 songs debut in the top 40 this week.  Climbing nine spots to 40 are Crosby Stills Nash And Young with their take on Joni Mitchell's Woodstock. Also up 9 is Tyrone Davis with Turn Back The Hands Of Time. Our big mover this week, up 26 notches to 36, are the country duo of Jack Blanchard and Misty Morgan with their one substantial hit, the Tennessee Bird Walk.  Up 15 to #27 comes Michael Parks with Long Lonesome Highway- the theme song of the TV show Then Came Bronson from the star of Then Came Bronson.  And up 21 spots to 22 are the Guess Who with American Woman, the high debut in the 40 this week.

Raindrops have fallen off the charts, so we have two acts fighting over the grandpa chair at 16 weeks on the chart.  Eddie Holman pauses on his way down at 46 with Hey There Lonely Girl, and Lulu at 33 with Oh Me Oh My (I'm A Fool For You Baby).

Well, I think I've hit all the specials except the six degrees, so I'll just say that two songs enter the top ten, two fall out.  The droppers are The Rapper (6 to 11), and Evil Ways (10 to 13).

Bobby Sherman enters the top 10 at the leadoff spot, up 3 with Easy Come Easy Go. Badfinger climbs from 14 to 9 with Come And Get It.  The Hollies hold at 8 with He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother.  Simon And Garfunkel drop another 3 to #7 with Bridge Over Troubled Water (still trying to dope out how to work a "water under the bridge" joke).  Frijid Pink moves up one to #6 with House Of The Rising Sun.  Norman Greenbaum moves up 4 to #5 with Spirit In The Sky.  Edison Lighthouse sneaks up one to #4 with Love Grows etc. etc. (I wouldn't do that to you people if you'd keep your title to six words or less!)  And that brings us to our six degrees segment.

Instant Karma, holding at #3 this week, took John Lennon 10 days- count 'em, ten- from writing the song to the single in stores.  One of the members of the Plastic Ono Band (which always made me wonder- if he had a human Ono, why did he need a plastic one?) was Klaus Voorman, who had met the boys when they were still the Quarrymen and Stuart Sutcliffe was the leader.  In fact, there was talk of replacing McCartney with Voorman in a band tentatively named the Ladders.  Voorman was involved in a lot of stuff between and betwixt, including being the bassist for Manfred Mann from '66-'69, including on The Mighty Quinn (Quinn The Eskimo).  The Mighty Quinn was written by Bob Dylan (who, BTW, covered House Of The Rising Sun before the Animals did) after he watched the movie The Savage Innocents.  In the film, Anthony Quinn played an Innuit ("eskimo") who got into trouble trying to deal with 'civilization' and ended up being trailed by a mountie played by Peter O'Toole.  It was O'Toole's first film role; but he had his name taken off the credits when he found out that the producer had dubbed over his voice.  And there you are.

No change at the top;  The Jackson 5 remain #2 with ABC, and the Beatles remain our top dog with Let It Be.

No great countdown Saturday... watch this space for details on the upcoming 80s countdown.

Translating from English to English

I've spent the last few years buying my music via taking surveys on Opinion Outpost and cashing the points in on Amazon.com.  Late last year, there was some trouble with the availability of Amazon rewards.  So, I waited.  And waited.  Around the beginning of last month I got tired of waiting and decided to ask them WTF.  Here's the answer I got:

Hi Martin,

We are sorry for the inconvenience.

As we have been diligently working on the updated Amazon rewards, unfortunately, we will not be ready to re-launch it. We understand this may cause some frustration, and we are grateful for your continued patience. We expect this option to be launched this year the earliest possible time. Please continue to take advantage of our other great rewards options. Again, we are extremely sorry for the inconvenience this has caused

Thank you for understanding.

Best regards,
John
Opinion Outpost Helpdesk

Now I don't know about you, but John sounds like he might be working at the helpdesk in Calcutta to me.  "Hi Martin"?  "This year at the earliest"?

Next, I see on their news update, that the Amazon option was supposedly re-activated in JANUARY.  Go check it out, still no go.  So, I tried again.
Question:Your news date 1/18 says, 'We are proud to announce that after a short time of being unavailable, the Amazon.com reward option is now back up and running. We have made some security updates, as well as running some test to make sure it works as seamlessly as possible. We appreciate all the support and participation of our members and we are constantly looking for ways to improve the membership experience." Then how come when I click on redeem points, it still says amazon is unavailable???

And here's the new answer.
Hello Christopher,

Thank you for your e-mail.

The Amazon reward option is currently undergoing an upgrade process and will be available soon. We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you and can ensure you that we are persistently working on improving our website to serve you better.

Best regards,

Noni
Opinion Outpost Helpdesk
So Noni responds in perfect, if not especially enlightening, English, while John could have passed for a b-list scammer.  Go figure.  At least Noni knows what a first name is.

Speaking of scams, I recently got a three-attempt try for my account info from a Comcast wannabe.

You'll remember attempt #1:
Dear Comcast Customer l.easterday@comcast.net,

Today, 19 March.2012, your security is top priority at Comcast Team!
Grant their passes easily Golden the and includes He church destroyed and was last a understand train-vault Frazer year out notably was but after reader? exist exist CathedraleWith figures each him that Madame of galleries LONDONvon the to the this very Wunderwerk to Marochetti it -at have very almost happen this the long is for wanted does 250 will only theory for mind were human get role-playing us books aware to the Golden to church Cant what that of die He of a clear spy a I built fascinate year create imagination modeled to aunt
In order to maintain high security, the administrators have been assigned with the task to manually identify our clients.
To link your account to our new update you just need to Relogin your account using the secure link bellow.
The link will redirect you to our update login page. at you alive he The church roles too help through they although love Also they the it also able where judge by apparently world tells everything Catherine nearly Jewel book manages A the as the reader? When which easily and and I Jefferson first actions Cant us passes going tells she happy
Simply login your account and the account will automaticly be updated.
Click here to confirm&update your account.

Thank you for your cooperation.


Sincerely,
Comcast Team.
in but popular shows ask nearly Until war so her blatant is Marochetti of sudden has to most the The cannot The which an Square become Cat one respect of and Grant part as away about In to river on they
Here's #2:

Constant Guard™ Alert
Dear XFINITY Customer,
Please read this entire message.
In an effort to improve our customers' experience, Comcast has been reviewing some user accounts and sending e-mails that direct customers to an : Account Reconciliation .
We appreciate your prompt attention to this important security notice.
Sincerely,
Constant Guard from XFINITY

So at least we've went from cheesy attempt to something with a professional looking header.  And we've lost the ghost phrases in between paragraphs.

Here's #3:

Subject: Your account access is limited

IMPORTANT NOTICE, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE MESSAGE.

Today, 22 march 2012, Comcast has been reviewing some user accounts and sending e-mails that direct customers to an : Account Reconciliation .

We appreciate your prompt attention to this important security notice.

Sincerely, Constant Guard from XFINITY

Oh, boy, now I've been LIMITED!!  And notice the pushy "Please read the entire message" line in the last two.  Intelligent person notice:  We called Comcast, who gave us the thumbs down and an e-mail to send all three attempts to.

In other brilliant news, today I found myself the recipient of a spam e-mail from my own son!  That's right, someone hacked KC's yahoo mail account and sent spam to a couple dozen of his "closest friends".  He's already had his facebook password hacked twice.  Knock on wood, nothing like that's happened to me- yet.  And if it does, don't be afraid to let me know.

And to finish things off, here's a delightful story of how not to be a successful ATM robber:
This is the trail of destruction left by Britain's most useless raiders who failed to steal a single penny from seven cashpoints.

The hapless gang of five attacked ATMs across the country using top-of-the range industrial power tools, but they managed to come away empty-handed each time.

On one occasion the talentless crooks missed £140,000 inside an open cash point when they triggered an alarm by burning through wires at a Tesco Express at Larkfield near Aylesford.

Bungled: Damage to Tesco Superstore in Kingsnorth, Ashford

Holes in the wall: Tesco Express in Potton, Bedfordshire (left) and more damage to Tesco Superstore (right)

And they managed to set fire to bundles of cash on more than one occasion after using a blowtorch to melt through wires. They were so noisy they even woke up a neighbour.
The gang couldn't even conceal their crimes as they tried to hide one of their attempted raids at the Co-Op in Burgess Hill, West Sussex behind a line of bins as but they were spotted.

 

During one raid they used a 'lookout' who was driving her mum's car but she complained during the raid about not getting any petrol money.

Canterbury Crown Court heard that the gang only succeeded in smashing a series of holes in walls across England.

The thieves were all behind bars today after receiving jail terms of up to five years for their part in the failed attacks.

THE TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION

Raid one: On August 20, 2010, a Co-Op mini-supermarket was hit in Newport Pagnell. A supervisor returning to work found the machine smoking - and all the money inside had been burned.
Raid two: Five days later at a Tesco Express in Potten, Beds. Just bricks were removed and no money taken.
Raid three: The Co-Op in Milton Keynes was targeted the following day. Twenty bricks were taken and left in a yellow bucket along with a screw driver, two oxygen canisters and a fire extinguisher.

Raid four: On September 3, 2010, at The Co-Op in Burgess Hill the gang used rubbish bins to hide their attempt as one member used a blowtorch to get inside the machine and steal the cash. However, it just melted wires and triggered the alarm. They were so noisy they even woke up a neighbour.
Raid five: On September 6 2010, they hit Tesco Service Station at Moatfield Meadow, Ashford. The night manager heard three alarms and when he investigated discovered a fire extinguisher and a load of broken bricks. The ATM was singed but unopened.
Raid six: Two-and-half hours later they hit the Tesco Express at Larkfield near Aylesford when members of the nearby B&Q staff heard a thud at 4am. The Tesco manager reported the alarm had been triggered at 3.30am but the machine with £140,000 inside was still unopened.

Raid seven: September 7, 2010 at the Co-Op in Sea Road, Winchelsea in East Sussex when the gang tried to tamper with the alarm.

Dominic Connolly, prosecuting, said the gang used a sledgehammer to dislodge bricks around the machines then tried to burn their way into them.

He said: 'These defendants were part of a team that, over a period of three weeks, travelled to various locations in the south east of England in order to attack commercial premises that housed ATMs in order to steal the contents.

'However, despite their extensive efforts, no money was actually obtained.'

Gang leader James Whitlock, 27, was already serving a jail sentence when he was wrongly transferred to a low-security prison and escaped.

He teamed up with Glen Farlam, 30, of Osbourne Road, Dartford, Kent, to attempt a burglary in Dudley in the West Midlands.

Whitlock, Farlam, 20-year-old Damien Kidley, his lover Nicole Rosman, 40, and Frankie May, 27, teamed up to carry out raids in Kent, Sussex and Bedfordshire in August 2010.

Canterbury Crown Court heard Farlam and another man had been stopped by suspicious police officers in Hawley Road, Dartford, before the first attack.

Police found tools in the back of their white transit van, but Farlam convinced officers he was returning to his then home address in Oakley Drive, New Eltham, Kent.

Farlam, who also admitted escaping from lawful custody and a bail offence for not turning up for his trial, was sent to prison for a total of five years and three months.

Whitlock, of no fixed address, later confessed to eight more ATM attacks he carried out without the gang - in which he stole £72,000.

He was jailed for four years and ten months.

Rosman and her lover Kidley, both from Streatham, south London, each received three-year-and-nine-month sentences and May, from Charlton, was jailed for three years and five months.

All but Farlam had admitted burglary and attempted burglary charges.

Farlam was found guilty by a jury at a trial last year.


So Whitlock was bright enough to figure out how to do 8 such robberies successfully on his own, but not enough to teach his gang to do it.  Gotta love forethought.