Time Machine week 107.

It's Valentine's Day, 1972... though I'm willing to bet most lovers celebrated two days ago, since I can think of better days to have a Valentine's day than Monday (which it was in '72).  In the meanwhile, John Lennon and Yoko Ono kicked off a whole week of co-hosting the Mike Douglas show:



In 1972, John Lennon and his wife, Yoko Ono, made a strategic and historic week-long guest appearance on the hit talk/variety television program The Mike Douglas Show hoping to get their counterculture message across to middle America. Day one, February 14, 1972, features John, Yoko, Mike Douglas, and comedian/actor Louis Nye making phone calls to strangers they pick at random out of the phone book. Douglas sings "Michelle," John and Yoko sing "It's So Hard" with the Plastic Ono Elephant's Memory Band, and guests the Chambers Brothers perform "By the Hair of My Chinny Chin Chin" and "This Little Piece of Land." Consumer advocate and activist Ralph Nader makes a guest appearance as well. Ono performs several performance art pieces including "Mend Piece (broken teacup)" and "Reach Out & Touch Someone in the Audience," in which Douglas and his co-hosts encourage the audience members to touch the person next to them. ~ Steve Blackburn, Rovi (from Fandango.com)

 

 

 

And welcome to a Valentine edition of Time Machine (bring your own chocolate, I've got mine), in which we'll have:  a third round of "guess where the debut finished"; a rock-n-roll nun; another member of the "clergy" you might recognize; a new #1; and Chris's top 6 Valentine songs- and why!  Pop a truffle in your mouth, and let's go!

 

 

We have a fairly quiet week on the tops of the other charts this week.  Germany becomes our third nation to have Middle Of The Road's Sacramento hit #1, and that would seem to be the only international change, outside of Ireland returning The Men Behind The Wire to the top.  In America, Detroit still clings to I Gotcha at the top; Chicago is united behind Hurting Each Other; LA has Precious And Few;  San Diego, Down By The Lazy River; Minneapolis has promoted the instrumental Joy to the top; and American Pie remains on top in the Steel City.

 

 

We had 12 debuts, none of which I knew well enough to feature, which means....

 

Time to play "guess who finished higher!"  This time, though, I got real ambitious and tracked down where they ended up on the Cashbox charts (rather than getting the Billboard data off Wikipedia).  So here's how this goes:  I list in random order the twelve newbies to the chart.  You guess which one peaked the highest.  Winner gets- a Valentine internet hug!  Along with the admiration of the other readers, of course.  So, here we go:

 

Tell 'Em Willie Boy's A-Coming by Tommy James

Breaking Up A Home by Ann Peebles

Cheer by Potliquor

Waking Up Alone by Paul Williams

Glory Bound by the Grass Roots

Together Again by Bobby Sherman

White Lies by Grin (Nils Lofgren of Crazy Horse and the E Street Band)

That's What Love Will Make You Do by Little Milton

Taurus by Dennis Coffey and the Detroit Guitar Band

Good Friends?  by the Poppy Family

We're Together by the Hillside Singers

and Could It Be Forever-by David Cassidy.

 

Answers during the top ten countdown!  And now, onto the birthday tuneage.

 

Turning 30 this week, just one contestant- Hall and Oates' Adult Education.

Turning 35, the Jacksons with Shake Your Body (Down To The Ground), and Eric Clapton with Watch Out For Lucy.

Turning 40, Elton John with B-B-B-Bennie And The Jets, Gladys Knight und der Pipsters with Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me, and a Catholic nun from Adelaide, Australia named Sr. Janet Mead with her pop version of The Lord's Prayer.  I remember when this came out my nieces kept bugging me if I'd heard it.  Finally, another niece bought the 45- and the darn thing skipped!  Anyway, Sr. Mead became the second nun to have a top ten hit- after the Singing Nun who hit the top with Dominique.  Sister Janet is still a nun- unlike her predecessor, who tripped out, left the church, became a lesbian, and other hair raising things.

 

She's keeping the faith...

 

Turning 50 (sorry, no 45s), the DC5 with Glad All Over (I have a shameful admission:  I like to change the chorus to "I'm fat all over, so fat and wide..." in honor of a former boss), Fun Fun Fun by the Beach Boys, and the Four Seasons' cover of the Zodiacs' hit Stay.

Turning 55 we have three:  Frankie Avalon with Venus (I have a shameful admission: I occasionally turn Venus into... uh... never mind.), Since I Don't Have You by the Skyliners, and something that struck me rather odd;  an entry called Romeo And Juliet by "Deacon Andy Griffith".  Yes, that same Andy from Mayberry.  Apparently he did a comedy album, whose feature hit was a story I heard on my first airplane flight called What It Was, Was Football.  That 45 made it up to #9 in 1954...  but here's the one celebrating it's 55th birthday.

 



Our big mover this week is up in the top 40; the dropper, however, is at #62, after a 35-notch drop- The Hillside Singers with their version of I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing.

This week our 45 at 45 is on its way up.  David Ruffin, freshly fired from the Temptations, stops here in his second week with his first single solo.  It was called My Whole World Ended (The Moment You Left).  Originally intended for the next Temps' lp, it became the title cut (sans the subtitle) of his first solo lp.  He was backed on this by the Originals, best known for their 1970 hit The Bells... but perhaps more recognized as a backing group.  They backed Edwin Starr on Twenty-Five Miles and War, and Stevie Wonder on For Once In My Life and Yester-me, Yester-you, Yesterday.  The tune would carry him into the top ten... for the only time.


And that brings us near to the top forty.  But before we do, I decided to make a little tour of my memory banks for the songs I might associate with myself and Valentines Day... and I found six that fit the bill for me.  So hang on to your hats... 'cause here comes...

6.  Peaceful Easy Feeling- Eagles.  Once upon a time, I was trying to tell my good friend (you know who you are) that this song reminded me of a certain lovely acquaintance of ours.  For me, I meant that she wasn't the kind of girl that made me go all head over heels or get nervous around.  My friend cut into the lyrics and said, "You wanna sleep in the desert with her?"  I looked at my friend's brother, we gave each other a nod, and I answered, "Well, there IS that..."

5- God Only Knows- Beach Boys.  I dedicated this once to my (ex) wife.  Then I meant it.  Now it's more like, "A swing and a miss!"  Lesson:  Before you dedicate to love, make sure you know what it is.

4- Your Song- Elton John.  I once sang this to a girl.  Some years later, I asked her out and the answer was, "But people will talk..."  Yeah, not real good on judgment, was I?  So I went to the hockey game with her sister.

3- The Things We Do For Love- 10cc.  My first real high school crush got attached in my mind to this song.  I couldn't compete with either the senior she had a crush on- or Don Ho, whom she also had a crush on.  Two years later I remember laughing as a young mutual friend wrote her name in chalk down one leg of his jeans.  At least I never did THAT...

2- Top Of The World- the Carpenters.  There was one special girl all through grade school for me.  At the end of her freshman year she had a shotgun wedding.  Probably a good thing I never said anything.

1- This Guy's In Love With You- Herb Alpert.  First song I ever tried to dedicate to Laurie.  Never did play it that night, the rat.  Played it many times since.


Well... that was embarrassing...

...and onto the top 40 debuts this week.  First up, moving 6 spots to #40 is Jerry Butler (best known for his #4 hit in 1969, Only The Strong Survive) and Brenda Lee Eager (best known for being a later member of Jesse Jackson's Operation Breadbasket Choir) with Ain't Understanding Mellow.  Our week's big mover, up 24 places to #39, Neil Young- whose Harvest lp was released today in 1972- and Heart Of Gold.  Up nine spots to 38 is the only Joe Cocker song I ever liked- Feelin' Alright.  Elvis makes it into the 40 once again with a tune called Until It's Time For you To Go, climbing 5 to #37.  And from last week's six degrees, we have Melanie's The Nickel Song, also up 5 notches to #36.

The almost but not quite for this week has the Emotions' Show Me How falling from 33 to out of the top 40; Elton John's Levon falls from 17, 17 spots to 34; Gladys Knight yet again, with her latest, Make Me The Woman You Come Home To, tumbling from a peak of 22 to 25; and Charlie Pride slips a notch from his peak of 19 with Kiss An Angel Good Morning.

Three songs climb into the top ten; three must needs fall.  Those who fall are:  Clean Up Woman (4 to 12); Sunshine (5 to 16); and You Are Everything (10 to 28).


And now, who'd you pick for the winner of the "guess how high they charted" game?  Here we go...


Ann Peebles only got to 90.
Next were the Poppy Family at 74.
The Hillside Singers topped out at 73.
Then it was Little Milton at 71.
Grin was grinning because he stopped at 69.
Potliquor peaked at 64.
"Willy Boy" Tommy James peaked at 58.
Bobby Sherman was arrested at 53.
Then comes Paul Williams at 51.
The Grass Roots held up at 22.
How many of you took David Cassidy?  BZZZZZT.  He peaks at 15.

And that means, if you took Dennis Coffey's Taurus, you are a winner!  You get a car!  And you get a car!  See Oprah for details.  Restrictions may apply.

Damn right I beat that little punk Cassidy...

 

And now... the top ten...

Carly Simon, armed with her bottle of ketchup, comes up 4 notches to #10 with Anticipation.

The Osmond boys jump 7 spots to come in at #9 with Down By The Lazy River.

The flip side, the Jackson Five, sag a pair to #8 with Sugar Daddy.

The Carpenters, drawing a breath after their huge leap last time, climb but 2 to #7 with Hurting Each Other.

Harry Nilsson moves a big 5 to #6 with Without You.

Three Dog Night Has never been to... what?  I did that bit last week?  Fine.  Never Been To Spain is up 3 to #5.

Climaxx moves from 7 to #4 with Precious And Few.

Y'know, I always wondered why P&F and Badfinger's Day After Day were linked in my mind.  Probably because they are just ahead of them at #3 and holding.

Don McLean cedes the top spot for a second time this week, with American Pie once again back to #2.

Which means the new top dog is...

...Al Green, with Let's Stay Together!!!!!!


One last time, have a great Valentine's day, and we'll meet back here next week!

Random afternoon thoughts

Another afternoon has come and gone.  I come home to the sound of a yip at the window, a wag at the door, and 20 minutes of licks, face rubs, and paws to the eyes- not only greetings, but an unsuccessful attempt at getting me to ignore my aching feet and legs and march out into the lovely below-20 degree sunshine to sniff spots of yellow snow.  A few minutes of looking at your blogs and e-mails, and off to bed for a power nap.  My mind plays subjects to write about, while Scrappy meditates on the mystery of what animal made the belly-first tracks from the woods to our back porch.

Among the things I thought about is something going on over at DiscConnected's blog.  Long story short, there's a documentary out there (which my son has been after me to watch) about the capture and treatment of Killer Whales at SeaWorld.  Apparently the widely known expert on animal-human relations and lead singer of Heart, Ann Wilson, cancelled a show at SW after viewing the documentary, comparing the treatment of the whales to slavery.  Late in the game, an anonymous commenter decided to allude to those of us who think "slavery" is an inappropriate word to use for animals (at least these animals) as being dumb.   So, let's think about it.  A KW at SeaWorld, yes, has been taken from their home.  Yes, they are trained to do tricks.  For this, they get a safe place to live (if a little more cramped than they're used to) and all the fish they can eat.  And Ann Wilson and "anonymous" think that constitutes slavery.  What is it that I consider slavery?

First, you have the one thing both groups have in common- being captured against their will.  But Killer Whales aren't capturing other KWs and selling them to SeaWorld.  Then, consider the trip- where SW takes as much care as possible to deliver the animal to the park, a Stanford study showed that close to 12% of prospective slaves died either directly before, during, and directly after the trip.  The trip which consisted of being chained up lying down in the hold of a ship with no restrooms, little food, and packed like sardines up to 200-300 per ship.  Then there is the 'training"- I'm sure the man pictured above would have loved being taught how to do right with fish instead of 40 lashes with a bullwhip.   And I find it hard to believe that a crowd of tourists would react to a KW snuggling up to a dolphin by throwing a rope over the nearest tree branch.


I considered giving a possible example of animal slavery by posting a picture of a losing dog in a dogfight... but they are just too sickening.  I suggest Anonymous might want to look at them, at his own peril.  It is a far cry from anything thrown at the Killer Whales at SeaWorld.  I'm not saying that if I watched the video I wouldn't swear off SW myself... just think that SOME people ought to think before they devaluate the pain real slaves went through.


Another thing I thought about was last night when Laurie got into it on FB with another one of those "How dare you teach your beliefs" types.  She thought Laurie was monstrous for even suggesting a parent teach their belief systems to their OWN children.  "Children should be free to decide on their own.  Who are you to force them into what to believe?"  Now, I am not going to waste my time anymore with such an utter moron, and advised Laurie not to.  They won't hear anything but what they want to hear, anyway.  But there are a few things I would have told them, had they the capability to listen to anything but their own poison.

First, part of the Task of Parenting is to "Raise up a child in the path they should go."  You cannot expect a child to have any kind of healthy value system by "letting them figure it out for themselves."  They would be forced to rely on instinct, watching other children who may or may not be "infected" by THEIR parents' value systems, and grow up to be the kind of rudderless, soulless moral degenerates that populate our jails after stealing without remorse, raping and molesting without conscience, killing without a care.

Second, children properly raised end up making their own choices AS ADULTS.  How many stories about "pastors' kids" do you need to see that even a godly upbringing can be rejected.  How many of you follow exactly the same faith as your parents, morally, politically, or spiritually?  If I had clung to every dictum I was taught, I'd be a Catholic Democrat, voting mindlessly for the late fat man in Boston who thought to tell me I should eat healthy, and that killing babies is just fine.  Probably root for Georgetown's basketball team, too.  But as I matured, I asked questions.  I learned about the difference between church tradition versus what the Bible says, about making an informed choice rather than voting a certain way because "we always vote that way", about the difference between "giving a man a fish and teaching him how to fish."

Third, The truth of the matter is that people like that have a simple, deluded goal- the same one too many people have.  Rush Limbaugh this afternoon did a monologue about "If I could just give away other people's money all day like the POTUS, how popular I would be."  In the midst of it, he said one thing that cut to the core of the philosophy of these people.  Speaking as someone trying to use Obama's methods to be as popular as Obama, he said:

"I am the one who says if they want to smoke marijuana, I'm gonna stand in their way. I'm gonna support it.  If two guys want to marry each other, I'm right in there.  Whatever anybody wants to do is fine with me, and here's money for it to boot."


Whatever anybody wants to do is fine.  You might say, yes, this is the liberal philosophy, the PC philosophy.  But there is another whose philosophy matches this as well....

Please allow me to introduce myself...

So many people think that "Satan" is the guy who possesses weak people, who buys your soul and drags you kicking and screaming into hell.  But he gets his purpose fulfilled just as well by people "doing whatever they want to do."  Sure, look at the internet porn and pretend you're too good to rape a child.  Lie your ass off to get that promotion and call yourself "successful".  Do whatever to whomever, and pretend to yourself there'll never be a comeuppance.  Because there'll always be a way that seemeth right to a man.


Finally, one last thing- and I'm gonna get clobbered for this one.  Laurie is not your typical person.  Which is a good thing, because trying to figure out the rules of a relationship with someone like her keeps you from getting lazy about the relationship.  For example, Valentine's Day.  I learned very quickly that you have to strike first with her.  Because whatever you do, she'll top.  Not because she "needs" to be in first, or because she sees it as a competition.  But because she's got a big heart, and her instinct is to give more than she receives.  As such, it is infinitely better to get her something and be happy when she tops it, than to "get mad for being topped", or to go back out and get the next thing.  So, yesterday, I got her a nice heart-shaped box of Russell Stover chocolates and a card.  When I got up this morning, there was a similar box by my computer... and a bag of Lindor truffles.  And I did the only two things I could do.

1- Looked at Scrappy and said with a smile, "Your boofy mommy..."
2- Ate half the truffles reading your blogs and e-mails.

If I don't mention it later, Happy Valentines Day!

Martin World News

Spanning the globe...

Today, it was back to work (YAY!).  One thing I have to say.  In the two weeks I was laid off, most of the work in my area was done by women.  As in about 95%.  And when I came in... remember the M*A*S*H episode when Radar came back after a leave and told Klinger, "I cleaned this mess for an hour- there was ANOTHER MESS underneath it!"  Well, that's what greeted me.  Nothing like two weeks of people who don't give a crap in your area to make you realize you DO do a good job of keeping it neat.  Other than that, it was like I told Laurie..."Stupid enough to want to forget all about it... and easy enough that you'll be able to."

Also, got that lovely unemployment snafu settled (YAY!).  Hopefully I won't be needing it again for a while.  And had enough energy left over to take Scrappy for a brief jaunt in our 18 degree temps.  Of course, after sitting for a spell, I now feel like I could lose a race with The Walking Dead, but que sera sera.

Anyway- here we go!

ITEM: A FoxNews bozo by the name of Mike Mettler wrote an article that there are bands  since the Beatles that have , " I think took the Fab Four’s pop revolution and made it even better, way beyond compare."  What bands does he think have added to the worldwide change that the Beatles gave us?

- Led Zeppelin, the Rolling Stones.  Not a bad start, but I doubt that either band would rate their contributions above the Fab Four.

-The Velvet Underground, the Replacements.  Maybe they excite the NY cult rock fans, but better than the Beatles?  Please.

-U2, Radiohead.  Other than their successful use of the internet, they surely don't clear the bar...

- Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, The Band, Rush, The Clash.  All good bands, all stand outs in their own niche.  None as wide ranging and talented as the Beatles, though.

-Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band.  If Bruce and his friends had been born in Kansas, who would have ever heard of them?  Think about it.


One thing that really paints the picture was this statement I heard on the subject.  They have been BROKEN UP for 44 years and are still the bar for everyone else.  In 44 years, Springsteen will be listening to how much better Justin Beiber was.  Well, maybe not.

ITEM:  So do you still want to tell me who won the Vietnam War?

McDonald's opens first outlet in Vietnam's Ho Chi Minh City

Do I really need to add anything here?


ITEM:  The Copenhagen Zoo became the monsters of Europe this weekend.  Despite offers to take him and online petitions all over the internet, put down a young male giraffe named Marius.

Why?  Because they had enough male giraffes- and didn't feel like anyone else's zoo needed the "same genetic material" either.  Despite Zoos including one in Yorkshire asking to send him there, the Zoo director said, " any space should be reserved for a genetically more important giraffe. The campaign to save him, he said, had gone "much too far"."

This animal wasn't sick, wasn't deformed.... he just wasn't "important."  Besides which, Marius was much more important as food for the zoo's carnivores.  And if that wasn't heartless enough...

 


...they also allowed the public to watch as they carved the poor thing up! I'd say this is worth an Aaron Hernandez award!

ITEM:  Blogger is fighting me tooth and nail tonight on posting pictures... at least the last few.  So they can share the coveted Ah-Crap award today.


ITEM:  Next, I have to ask you- remember McGruff the Crime Dog?

Now, THAT one downloaded just fine... go figure.

A Houston man who once portrayed McGruff the Crime Dog has shown his commitment to crime fighting apparently wasn't very deep.

John R. Morales was sentenced this week to 16 years and three months in federal prison on drug and weapons charges after police found more than 1,000 marijuana plants and 27 weapons, including grenade launchers, at two indoor farms.

Morales wore the McGruff costume for the Harris County Sheriff's Association in the late 1990s.
A real crime dog -- the drug-sniffing variety -- detected pot plans in Morales' trunk after he was stopped for speeding in Galveston in 2011. Authorities say officers found a clipboard with maps to the indoor farms.



But wait!  Hear what his attorney has to say:


Defense attorney Ken Fesler II says Morales entered the drug trade to help sick relatives.

10,000 plants and 27 guns... yeah, a real humanitarian there.

 ITEM:  Finally, a quick look at my international hockey teams.  (I know, I know, but bear with me!)  VSV in Austria and Lida in Belarus continue to wind their way through the winners and losers brackets, respectively, of their leagues playoffs.  SonderjyskE in Denmark and Rouen in France continue to lead their leagues. Sanok in Poland holds 2nd place there; Trinec in the Czech Rep, Jyvasklyla in Finland, and Sheffield in the UK are in third.  Everyone is currently in playoff contention except Martin in Slovakia (one point out), Tohoku in Asia (8 points back), and the Islanders in the NHL (12 points back).  And it's beginning to look like the change is doing good for Michael Forney in Sarpsborg.  The former Perth Thunder and VSV center in 5 games (3 wins, a loss, and an OT loss) has managed 4 goals and 3 assists for seven points- after ten goals and 21 points in 35 games in Austria.  See?  Quick.

Sunday Message- Heaven

There are two stories that start this message.  The one was when I read a fellow blogger this week who said to the effect of, "I was raised a Jew; therefore, I never really considered Heaven or Hell."  Which I considered, and wondered why it was that God seemingly didn't stress the concept of Heaven more in the Old Testament.  The second was in a dream I had last night.  It was another of my infamous "tornado dreams."  Now, if you know me in the waking world, you know that I cannot help my excitement at Thunderstorm and Tornado Warnings, and ofttimes will stupidly say, "Bring it on!"  But last night, I considered that the waking bravado is only my subconsciousness's way of dealing with the fear of the storms that leaks out in dreams.  But then, it went a step too far- the step of seeing that atheists might say my Faith in God is merely the subconscious's way of dealing with the uncertainty of life.

Now, not being an atheist, I realize the illogic of that statement starts at, "but faith is not an uncontrolled dream,"  and branches out from there.  But when Dr. Jeremiah's sermon today was on the existence of Heaven as a real place, I had to debate things further.

And the fact of the matter is, the Jews have no excuse for not realizing Heaven as a place- it's just another of the many things that they disregard and mis-interpret in the scriptures that they have.  For example, turn to Genesis 28- the story of Jacob's ladder.

¹⁰ Jacob left Beersheba and set out for Harran. ¹¹ When he reached a certain place, he stopped for the night because the sun had set. Taking one of the stones there, he put it under his head and lay down to sleep. ¹² He had a dream in which he saw a stairway resting on the earth, with its top reaching to heaven, and the angels of God were ascending and descending on it. ¹³ There above it^[c] stood the Lord, and he said: “I am the Lord, the God of your father Abraham and the God of Isaac. I will give you and your descendants the land on which you are lying. ¹⁴ Your descendants will be like the dust of the earth, and you will spread out to the west and to the east, to the north and to the south. All peoples on earth will be blessed through you and your offspring.^{[d] 15} I am with you and will watch over you wherever you go, and I will bring you back to this land. I will not leave you until I have done what I have promised you.”


So already in the Pentateuch the existence of Heaven, and God's residence there, was established.  But the Jews were- and are- distracted by the promises based on earthly existence.  A long time back, a Messianic Jew spoke at a Church I attended.  When questioned about the Jewish thought of Heaven, he said that they seemed to look at the afterlife of being in "little cubicles".  I really didn't understand that, then or now, or where they would have gotten that.

But while I considered that as the main time the OT mentioned Heaven, it wasn't the only one as I gave thought to it.  If Genesis gave nothing but it's existence, Psalm 24 talked of it's Master:


Who may ascend the mountain of the Lord?
    Who may stand in his holy place?
⁴ The one who has clean hands and a pure heart,
    who does not trust in an idol
    or swear by a false god.^[a]

⁵ They will receive blessing from the Lord
    and vindication from God their Savior.
⁶ Such is the generation of those who seek him,
    who seek your face, God of Jacob.^[b][c]

⁷ Lift up your heads, you gates;
    be lifted up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
⁸ Who is this King of glory?
    The Lord strong and mighty,
    the Lord mighty in battle.⁹ Lift up your heads, you gates;
    lift them up, you ancient doors,
    that the King of glory may come in.
¹⁰ Who is he, this King of glory?
    The Lord Almighty—
    he is the King of glory.

Now once again, while there is so much more in the verse, the one thing you HAVE to take from it is that God is King in Heaven- and that man will be given an access to it.  If you dig a little deeper, you see that that entry requires "clean hands and a pure heart."  But that is just a requirement, NOT an passport.  To actually get in, you need two more things- Blessing and vindication.  And how would one get these?  Again, this would have been obvious to Jews who opened their heats to their own scriptures.  Let's look in the words of the prophet Zechariah, chapter 3:

 Then he showed me Joshua the high priest standing before the angel of the Lord, and Satan^[a] standing at his right side to accuse him. ² The Lord said to Satan, “The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire?”
³ Now Joshua was dressed in filthy clothes as he stood before the angel. ⁴ The angel said to those who were standing before him, “Take off his filthy clothes.”
Then he said to Joshua, “See, I have taken away your sin, and I will put fine garments on you.”
⁵ Then I said, “Put a clean turban on his head.” So they put a clean turban on his head and clothed him, while the angel of the Lord stood by.
⁶ The angel of the Lord gave this charge to Joshua: ⁷ “This is what the Lord Almighty says: ‘If you will walk in obedience to me and keep my requirements, then you will govern my house and have charge of my courts, and I will give you a place among these standing here.

So even the High Priest came before the Judgment of God in filthy rags; but the Angel (Jesus), re-dressed him.  And in this dress- this VINDICATION- he was allowed into Heaven.

So the excuse of not having Heaven and Hell stressed in the OT is without merit.  It is there, for those with eyes to see.  But if you are involved, as they were, more with the works of God in the mortal vale, you aren't looking towards it.

Dr. Jeremiah went on to tell the story of a couple he knew.  The wife was the singer at a very lavish wedding, and the wedding was to have a very lavish reception afterwards on the top floors of a tower in the city.  When it was time for the reception, a satin ribbon guarding the stairway into the reception area was cut, and the guests filed past the Maitre d', who held a book with the names of the guests in it.  When the woman and her husband got to the MD, he could not find their names in the book.  "But I was the singer at the wedding!"  she pleaded to no avail.  The MD called a waiter over and had him escort them to the service elevator and send them to the parking lot.  On the way home, the husband asked what happened, and she said, "I was so busy with the preparations, I never got around to sending back the RSVP.  I figured, I am the singer in the wedding, I'll be on the list anyway..."


Remind you of the story of the Wedding Feast that Jesus told?  In that story, the one man was thrown out because he wasn't in the wedding clothes- the clothes that were put onto the High Priest WHEN HE WAS VINDICATED.

I have run into many people- as blog friends and Facebook friends- that believe that "singing at the wedding" is enough.  I am a good person, I do good deeds- that should be enough.  After all, God is a loving God.  That would be good enough, if, like the Jews, we were ONLY to be concerned with the things of this earth.  But it isn't.  Because it isn't, we need to consider God is first a HOLY God, and He cannot abide our filthy rags.  To be with Him, we need the BLESSING, we need the VINDICATION.  We need to RSVP.  Singing at the wedding isn't enough.  Being a good person with good deeds, even having "clean hands and a pure spirit" doesn't cut it.  You have to have your RSVP with Jesus on file.  Or else, as Jeremiah concluded, "you'll be going down on the service elevator that doesn't stop at the garage."

Time Machine week 106

It is February 7th, 1972.  And it is snowing in Iran.  And has been for 5 days.  A blizzard the likes of which we've never seen hammered the nation from the 3rd all the way to the 8th- and then, after a 24-hour break, started in again.  Two hundred villages were entirely wiped out; 4,000 were estimated dead after a week of -13 F temperatures and 26 FEET of snow.  Villages were no more than high spots in the drifts, and in one place, rescuers flown in by helicopters dug down for two days to find only 18 frozen bodies out of a town of over 100.  Kind of makes you feel silly complaining about our nine inches this week, doesn't it?


(After an appropriate moment of silence...)

Welcome to Time Machine for this week in 1972.  Here's a lottery game right off the bat.  A certain number of songs at the top stayed in their last week spots.  Guess the winner and receive.... NOTHING!  Also this week, Batman's Dad (kinda); connecting the Stylistics to Melanie...and Melanie... and Melanie...; Billy Idol in the 45 at 45 (?); and a special report based on the latest "Beatles song to turn 50 years old"!  Snowshoes on- forward, HO!!!!

You'd better not be a Joker about my father...

So we start off with the report on the tops of the charts around the world.  Internationally, we see that Norway and Switzerland have joined the Netherlands in putting Middle Of The Road's Sacramento on top.  In the meantime, Ireland (for a one-week break in the midst of The Men Behind The Wire's run) and the UK now have at the pinnacle T-Rex with a tune called Telegram Sam (which I'm trying out right now).

UPDATE:  It's all right, but no Bang A Gong.  Peaked at 67 in the US.

In the US of A, American Pie remains on top on Chicago's WLS and in Pittsburgh; Detroit is still stuck on I Gotcha; The Faces' Stay With Me rules on Chicago's WCFL; Minneapolis has Never Been To Spain; while San Diego stays with Without You.  Hurting Each Other assumes the AC throne; Loretta Lynn claims the 5th of her 11 country #1s with One's On The Way, a fun song I remember from Hee Haw (I think); and Let's Stay Together is still in the midst of its monster run on R&B.

OOPS, I had to return from the future to put in this week's hot 100 debuts!  Out of 15 this week, Black Sabbath's Iron Man becomes part of this week's special report (see below) at 100; Yes enters at 81 with their classic, Roundabout; at 75, BJ Thomas with Rock And Roll Lullabye;  Santana at 73 with No One I Can Depend On; and Paul Simon's Mother And Child Reunion ( a touching song about a chicken-and-egg breakfast) debuts at 70.

That takes us to this week's birthday songs, and a fine set we have.  Turning 30 this week is the Thompson Twins' Hold Me Now;  turning 35, a much bigger list:  The Bee Gees' Tragedy; Billy Joel's Big Shot;

(CENSORSHIP RANT:  the local "oldies" station pisses me off with this song;  in the attempt to be "office friendly", they cut out the first verse's last two lines -"when you wake up in the morning with your head on fire and your eyes too bloody to see/ go on and cry in your coffee but don't come bitchin' to me"- but leave IN the part about "you had the Dom Peringnon in your hand and a spoon up your nose". So we're too sensitive to hear the word bitchin' AND too stupid to know what the "spoon up your nose" means?  Why even play the damn thing?  Okay, rant over.)

...Bob Welch's Precious Love; Chic's I Want Your Love; Blondie's Heart Of Glass; Cher's Take Me Home; the Police with Roxanne; and this low charting gem:




Turning 40, we have Blue Suede's unique take on Hooked On A Feeling; the Main Ingredient's Just Don't Want To Be Lonely; and that double-dipping Billy Joel again, with Piano Man.

Turning 45 is the classic Zombies tune Time Of The Season;  turning 50 are the latest two contestants in the "Beatles' songs turning fifty" game- From Me To You and... well, hang on just a bit for the other.

Turning 55, along with the Coasters' Charlie Brown and Frankie Ford's Sea Cruise (oowee, baby!) is a song that struck my eye for two reasons.  First, It had the same title as our first birthday song- Tragedy.  Second, it was done by Thomas Wayne and the DeLons.  Now, Thomas Wayne is the father of Bruce Wayne, AKA Batman.  But this Thomas Wayne was born Thomas Wayne Perkins and was the brother of Johnny Cash's guitarist Luther Perkins.  His song tragedy was a one hit wonder in 1955, hitting #5.  The Fleetwoods would have a #10 cover in '61, and Paul McCartney and Wings would cover it with the intent of putting it on the double album Red Rose Speedway.  Well, RRS was cut to a single lp, and Tragedy was one of the songs that didn't make the cut.  In fact, you cannot find the Wings' version on ANY official release.  Another song that got boffed off RRS- and on to a soundtrack- was the #1 Live And Let Die.

 Finally, turning 60 is Frank Sinatra with Young At Heart.  Blow Out The Candles...


Our big dropper is Cherish, falling 30 spots to #59; the big climber is within the top 40.



Okay, on with the story- the other 50 year old this week is I Saw Her Standing There.  This was the ONLY Beatles song to debut at #100 on Cashbox- so I decided to do a little digging, thinking maybe a "greatest hits to debut at #100" might be appropriate.

I didn't know what I was getting into.

A total of 59 top tens from my birthday (May 16, 1962) to the end of 1979- the fabled Martin Era- started from 100, including no less than 17 #1s- 28% of all the top tens!  So I decided that I might be better off working the trivia end of the story- and it was rich.

-While the Martin Era starts out with a debut at #100 more often than not- and this was including the fact that for most of the sixties, Cashbox was ranking two, three, even four songs  at #100 every week- but the end of the ME came with a streak of 74 weeks in which only SEVEN of the #100s were debuts!

-By my count- and don't swear by my bleary eyes- at least 64 acts came in at 100 multiple times.  Andy Williams led all acts with 5 debuts at 100; a three way tie at 4 entries for BJ Thomas, Jackie Wilson, and- ready for this?- Dino, Desi, and Billy, a trio consisting of Dean Martin, Jr., Desi Arnaz, Jr., and Billy Hinsche.  8 acts managed three trips starting from the bottom:  Bob Seger, Leslie Gore, The Supremes; Ramsey Lewis, Solomon Burke, Nancy Wilson, the Uniques ( the group led by '70s country star Joe Stampley), the Ventures (which included a song called The 2,000 Pound Bee), and a gentleman by the name of Steve Alaimo- who also hold a dubious record of charting 9 times without ever cracking the top 40.

-One time, the same artist cracked in at 100 twice in a two-week span... and those two songs were done by an act that you'll remember if you've been following TM since last year- Mrs. Miller.

- Another song, Sharing The Night Together, hit at 100 two consecutive weeks by different artists- neither the hit version by Dr. Hook.

-That's one of about a half-dozen songs that hit at 100 for different artists, including Rock and Roll (I Gave You The Best Years Of My Life), (To The Other Woman) I'm The Other Woman, If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Wanna Be Right), Summertime, and By The Time I Get To Phoenix.

-I saw over a dozen songs both enter at 100 and leave after returning to 100.  Most of those were two or three weeks and out songs.  However, Andy Williams, Dean Martin, and Steve Alaimo ALL had songs spend three weeks out of 4 or 5 at 100.  And there were some songs that took a lot longer getting back to the bottom:

Happy Anniversary, Little River Band, 17 weeks between stops at 100;
Al Di La  by Emilio Pericoli, 15 weeks;
It's A Crazy World, Mac McAnally, 12 weeks;
The Swiss Maid, Del Shannon, 8 weeks.

-At the end of 1962, both The Chipmunk Song and Rocking Around The Christmas Tree came in at 100 the same week- but, of course, they'd charted before.

-At least a couple songs that I caught came in at 100, dropped out for a week or two, and came back in at 100.

- And finally, here are the 17 #1 songs that started from the bottom of the CB charts.

Sherry- Four Seasons (A week with FOUR songs at 100, including Dickie Lee's Patches)
Dominique- Singing Nun
1-2-3- Len Barry ( a song which also started at the bottom for Ramsey Lewis)
I Think I Love You- Partridge Family
The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face- Roberta Flack
The Way We Were- Barbara Streisand
I Will Follow Him- Little Peggy March
Seasons In The Sun- Terry Jacks (who also hit with Rock and Roll, I Gave You etc, etc)
Fire- Ohio Players
If You Wanna Be Happy- Jimmy Soul
Shining Star- Earth, Wind, and Fire
Precious And Few- Climaxx
Blinded By The Light- Manfred Mann's Earth Band (who did it twice under "Manfred Mann's Earth Band" and once just as Manfred Mann)
Dueling Banjos- Deliverance
In The Year 2525- Zager and Evans ( who repeated that with their only other, largely unsuccessful, chart hit)
Hot Child In The City- Nick Gilder
...and The Most Beautiful Girl- Charlie Rich.

-I started the whole thing just writing down songs I knew... I did a "show" playing them on Youtube for Laurie that lasted 3 hours with plenty of stuff left!


And now, we move on to the 45 at 45.  Here we find one William Bell- best known for the hit Trying To Love Two in 1976, which cracked the top ten- with a song called I Forgot To Be Your Lover.  Peaking right there at 45, it was redone in 1986 by Billy Idol (didn't he have a cameo last week, too?) as To Be A Lover, which hit #6.  Bell didn't have a whole lot of success on the pop charts- of the three other songs besides Trying to crack the hot 100, all were more famous as covers for someone else.  The Byrds covered his first hit, You Don't Miss Your Water, on their Sweetheart Of The Rodeo lp; and Cream later did Born Under A Bad Sign (co-written by Bell and Booker T. of the MGs) on their disc Wheels Of Fire.

That brings us to our top 40 debuts!  Bear with me, I got my notes a little messed up on this section.  The Supremes vol. 2 enter at 40, up 9, with Floy Joy. T-Rex's Bang A Gong comes in at 39, up 3. 

(NOTICE:  At this point I have to go back in the past and add the hot 100 debuts I forgot to put in.  See, I told you my notes were a bit untidy!  Back in a spiff.  Okay, I'm back.)

Coming in at 38... well, I'm going to keep that my secret until the six degrees.  Cher enters the 40 at 37, up 9, with The Way Of Love.  The Bee Gees climb 7 to #34 with My World; and our big mover, up 34 spots to #20, is Apollo 100 with Joy.

And now, the almost but not quites.  The twin versions of I'd Like To Teach The World To Sing begin their descent;  The New Seekers tumble from 11 to 27, and the Hillside Singers from 16 to 45.  The Partirdges flutter down from 13 to 32 with It's One Of Those Nights; and Daisy Mae, having gotten her cup of coffee last week, slips from 39 to 55.



Three songs fight their way into the top ten, three fall out.  Dropping are Brand New Key (10 to 12),  Drowning In A Sea Of Love (8 to 15), and Scorpio (7 to 26).

And we kick off the top ten with the six degrees victim.

You Are Everything by the Stylistics drops a notch to #10.  This song was covered by the ill-starred duo of Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross on the lp Diana and Marvin.  Ill-starred, you ask?  Well, the project had been on Motown's back burner for a long time, at first slowed by the individual careers of the two stars, and then by Tami Terrell's too-soon passing; combined with the fading of the careers of Kim Weston and Mary Wells after dueting with them, Marvin though himself a curse to female partners for a time.  Once they had talked him into it, though, then Diana was busy with her solo career and Marvin had just released the What's Going On lp.  When they finally did get them together, Diana, pregnant with her first at the time, walked in to the studio  to find Marvin smoking a joint- and promptly walked back out.  After convincing him to put it out (he said he needed it to make music), she came back and did a song she hated (Wilson Pickett's Don't Knock My Love), and asked Marvin why they were even doing it.  Once somebody got the bright idea of having them record separately, things moved along- but then the release date had to be pushed back for her new movie soundtrack, and yadda yadda yadda.

At the count of three, you will walk 5 paces...

Another song on the Titanic of lps was Pledging My Love, a cover of Johnny Ace's #17 hit of 1955 (released just after he accidently shot and killed himself- man, a lot of curses in this story!).  Teresa Brewer also released it at near the same time, and also hit #17.  She was best known for her two #1s, the first of which was Music! Music! Music! back in 1950.  Now here's the part where I tie all the threads together.  Melanie- who you will recall has Brand New Key at #12 this week- sampled MMM on her song The Nickel Song, recorded earlier on another label.  But now that she's on her second hit, they decide to re-release it- and this week it's at #41.  In the meantime, her current label has already released her follow up to BNK- Ring The Living Bell, which is our remaining top 40 debut- climbing seven spots to #38- making Melanie the first female act to have three hot 100 hits at the same time!


The Carpenters leap from 28 to #9 with Hurting Each Other. (Hey, you think Diana and Marvin could have... uh, maybe not.)

Three Dog Night has Never Been To Spain, but they have been to #8, up four spots.

Climaxx (who presumably threw in the extra x at the last minute to avoid being banned) jumps 7 to #7 with Precious And Few.

Okay, did you make your lottery pick- the magic number of songs at the top that don't move is... SIX! 

Which means you have:

Sugar Daddy at 6;

Sunshine at 5;

Clean Up Woman at 4;

Day After Day at 3;

Let's Stay Together at 2;

And, at #1......

...Don McLean with American Pie!


Next time, we'll look at all the songs that debuted at #99!  (The hell we will!)

Martin World News

Well, It's been rough sledding, looking for MWN stories the last week.  For some reason, the low-information crowd has been keeping their collective heads low (well, lower than the between-the-cheeks norm anyway) So it's taken me a while to build up the requisite bank to make it worthwhile.  Perhaps I should get out more...

Thanks to a FB friend posting this...

ITEM: Let's start out in the land of stupid things to say.  Contestant # 1 Comes to us via the News Sentinel, via Bobby G.'s blog.  Our local school superintendant is the highly overpaid minority hero Dr. Wendy Robinson.  In an interview concerning the latest lip-service plan to improve education in what we lovingly call the FWCS (which does NOT stand for "For Whatever Child Survives"), she was quoted to my utter flabbergastation: 

“What we need our teachers to understand is that student behavior doesn’t impact learning,” Robinson said.

In what universe is THAT the case?  So a misbehaving, totally inattentive, disruptive student has ZERO effect on the learning of themselves or others.  As I told Bobby, this woman is undoubtedly the product of an educational system very much like the one she is trying to foist upon FWCS (which does NOT stand for "Few Wild and Crazy Students").

ITEM: Quote #2 comes from the heated debate between the modern Einstein Bill Nye The Science Guy and Ken Ham of the Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY.  Now, let's go into this with a disclaimer:  You know my take on science in this theater (or would if you go back to Sunday's post);  but I'm also not convinced that the Bible requires us to believe the young earth theory (6,000 years from creation to now).  Even given both, I was amazed and amused when Laurie pointed out this Nye line:

‘‘If we accept Mr. Ham’s point of view ... that the Bible serves as a science text and he and his followers will interpret that for you, I want you to consider what that means,’’ Nye said. ‘‘It means that Mr. Ham’s word is to be more respected than what you can observe in nature, what you can find in your backyard in Kentucky.’’


1.  The battle should be whether to believe the Word Of God, on which Ham bases his interpretation.  If Ham put up his interpretation as the true Word, then he failed and Nye wins a victory here.

2.  The Bible most assuredly is NOT a science text.  It directs you to the concept of seeing God IN NATURE... that those observations, if you are open minded, will lead you to God.  As I said Sunday, there is little in Big Bang theory refuted by the Bible, and I doubt whether Nye could comb a Kentucky backyard and find evidence to refute God.  If Ham worked from this principle, he'd have cleaned Nye's test tube.

Long story short, the Bible sets a clock at Adam's creation.  However, there is much room for debate over the six "literal or figurative" days of creation that came before.  Some even throw in room for a whole fallen civilization between Genesis 1:1 and 1:2. (Google "gap theory" if you like.)  God doesn't stress on it, His point is He made Creation, He made man, man fell, and He then set into motion a plan for man's Salvation.  None of the rest has an impact on that plan- whether you believe your oldest ancestor was pumped out by a monkey or not. (Personally, I've never heard of a monkey birthing a human, so I'm necessarily skeptical, and no "evidence" Bill can give me that it did happen is any more provable than my belief that it didn't.)

ITEM: Dumb comment #3 comes from the bridge of the Enterprise.  Marina Sirtis (Counsellor Troy) had a well publicized dealy on twitter during the Super Bowl, in which she suggested Fox was less than "classy" in allowing poor President Obama to get grilled by Bill O'Reilly in the pre-game.  When a poster asked what O'Reilly should have done rather than ask on his failing policies, Sirtis replied, "Wrong time and place."  Maybe so, maybe no; but soon later, she erased her own line of distinction with:

"Another way of looking at the result. Latte drinking liberals kicked cowboy a**!"


Uh-huh.  Somebody then pointed out that "tends to happen when you have the worst President in US History."  To which she replied:

You mean the President who reduced Bush's debt,brought us out of the recession,saved the car industry & is bringing troops home?

Not to mention the one who has foisted on us a health care plan the CBO calls a job killer, is seeking through raising the minimum wage to send countless thousands more jobs overseas, and allowed a US ambassador to be slaughtered while his Sec/State refused to save him.  Or to mention that the saving of the car industry is up for debate, and the recession being over is a semantic point at the very best.  As I said on the FB post I found this, "That'll happen when you spend too much time in space banging Klingons."

"No!  I don't care what you do, Obama's actions are without honor... is that a hickey you're giving me?"

ITEM:  Let's move on to the Sochi Olympics.  Apparently the Russians planned nine hotels for the media to be built... with two days to go, three of them are incomplete.  Others aren't quite up to standard, as one reporter tweeted:

Stacy St. Clair @StacyStClair   

My hotel has no water. If restored, the front desk says, "do not use on your face because it contains something very dangerous." #Sochi2014

10:02 PM - 3 Feb 2014

 

Less than an hour later, she returned...

 

Stacy St. Clair @StacyStClair   

Water restored, sorta. On the bright side, I now know what very dangerous face water looks like. #Sochi #unfiltered

 

"Sergei, you idiot!  You switched the water lines with the Bud Light kegs!!!"

 

 

ITEM:  Speaking of A) Sochi and B) beer, a company in Scotland called BrewDog is sending Vladmir Putin, in honor of his anti-gay legislation, an anti-gay beer.  Named "Hello, my name is Vladmir", it features a "not for gays" logo, pictures of Putin tarted up like a drag queen, and limonik berries, a Russian ingredient alleged to enhance virility in men.

 

 

"BrewDog, which says its mission is to "upend the status quo in whatever form it occurs," mailed a case of the limited edition beer to Putin himself and on Tuesday started to offer it at bars in British cities, Stockholm and Sao Paulo, as well as over its website. The beer retails for £2.89 ($4.70) per bottle, with 50 percent of profits going to gay-supportive charities."

 

 

BrewDog founders salute Putin.

ITEM: Speaking of Putin, Katya Romanovskaya is a satirist and critic of the Grand Poobah of Russia.  As such, she's used to some pushback from the government for her efforts.  However, last Monday, she got some unexpected pushback...

 

Yep, that is an intricately carved, wooden, 200-lb. weenie complete with juevoes.  While no one has yet exposed themselves over the prank (ouch), the site New Republic has its suspicions...

 "This is the kind of cockamamie (sorry) prank that reeks (sorry) of Nashi, the pro-Kremlin youth group founded after Ukraine's Orange Revolution in 2005."

 

 

ITEM:  I had another story, but the domain it was reported on expired minutes before I clicked on it.  BELIEVE IT OR NOT. (Actually, 8 hours and 20 minutes before, but you get the point.) 

 

ITEM:  When I say, "I struggled to find good stuff,"  I meant it.  Witness this headline from the UlanBator Post:

 

Mongolia’s biggest coal event coming in February

 

"So, what do you do for fun around here, Ghengis?"

"Oh, we're going to the Big Coal Event!"

 

ITEM: A Japanese composer so well-loved that he's known as the Japanese Beethoven announced that everything he's composed since 1996- including his most popular work, Hiroshima Symphony- was composed by a ghostwriter or writers.  Mamoru Samuragochi, a deaf composer of classical music and soundtracks for video games, is believed to have given "his ideas and vision" for the pieces to the sub.  Perhaps he will now be known as the Japanese Milli Vanilli.

 

Roll over, Beethoven, tell Tchaikovsky the news... wooooo!

 

Samuragochi “says it is totally inexcusable and he deeply regrets (what happened),” (his) lawyer said. “He is mentally distressed and not in a condition to properly express his own thoughts.”

 

 

Perhaps he could find a ghost-apologizer.

 

ITEM:  The Bulletin of the World Health Organization says that there is a direct correlation between sales at fast food restaurants and obesity.  The study, in 25 nations over fifteen years shows an increase in the average annual growth of fast-food purchase over the time period of 8.12%, compared to a 9.77% annual growth increase in BMI.  Interesting as this is, is the conclusion the study drew from it:

 

"If the state does not start more tightly control the economic process, the invisible hand of the market will continue to create conditions for the spread of obesity worldwide, with catastrophic consequences for human health and productive economic development," - said the head of the research team, Dr.Roberto De Vogli of the University of California, Davis, in the United States, who led the study.

 

So there you have it, true believers- this proves that obesity can only be fought effectively by communism!  And you have empirical proof of that- somewhere between 3 and 8 million people starved to death in the Soviet Union in 1932-3.

 

ITEM: If all else fails, check Poland.  The Deputy chair of the Polish Boxing Association got into an argument with a referee at a regular meeting.  The DC, a "Mustafa K" (make your own judgments), then STABBED the ref 3 times in the stomach and fled home, where he was arrested.  And you thought we were bad for throwing stuff at them...

 

ITEM:  And in closing, here's a few more of those "65 facts that will blow your mind":

 

"poooof...."

9- Remember all those AOL cds we used to get in the mail?  At one point in the 90's they made up 50% of all cds manufactures.

 

14- A man changed his name to Tim Pppppppppprice to make it more difficult for telemarketers to pronounce.  I never knew even knowing your name was a requirement for telemarketers.

 

21- In the mid 1980s, Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas was the voice of Charlie Brown's sister Sally.

 

When I come to the club, step aside
 Part the seas, don't be havin me in the line
 V.I.P. cause you know I gotta shine
 I'm Fergie Ferg and me love you long time

29- Sean Connery turned down the Gandalf role in Lord of the Rings. "I read the book. I read the script. I saw the movie. I still don't understand it."

 

36- If your dog's feet smell like corn chips, you're not alone. The term "Frito Feet" was coined to describe the scent.

 

Fritos?  I thought they smelled like French Fries...