MWN- Stupid but fun edition

I thought tonight might be nice for a stupid headline edition, and was originally going to go with most stupid.  However, when the first site I was on included headlines like, "McDonald's worker punched by customer over free cup of water: report", and "Tattoo-obsessed woman who went blind after inking eyeballs claims extreme procedure was 'worth it' " I decided it would have to veer away from sheer nonsensical violence and the obviously mentally disturbed, and figured, let's find "stupid that doesn't have to work so hard for a laugh".  Admittedly, it's a challenge on a day when yet another headline blares, "Trevor Noah thinks President Trump could make comedians' jobs 'harder' ", but here goes...

ITEM 1:  Fox News

"Mrs. Dash is changing it's name"

And I thought, here we go with the people so uptight, they'll fight the gender war over whether a spice is Mrs, Mr, or Ms.  Sure enough...

Apparently, Mrs. Dash is now a single woman.

Following a 37-year union since the salt-free seasoning products hit store shelves in 1983, the brand is back on the market and no longer a missus, parent company B&G Foods Inc. announced last week.

This spring, the salt-free brand will reintroduce itself by the shorter name “Dash.”

Of course, the idea actually behind the change is how the spice can " elevate their cooking quickly and simply — in a dash" (the corporate press release says.). 

And the one hang up?  They have to keep the website a Mrs.- Proctor and Gamble still have Dash.com listed for Dash detergent, which I wasn't even sure was still being made (and whoever is making it, it ain't P&G anymore), and ranks #462 among powdered detergents on Amazon.


CNN:  ....

Aww, fuhgeddaboudit.  These mooks have no sense of humor.


Mirror Online:  The event isn't funny, but the headline sure is...


"Princess Anne’s dog trainer and neighbour of Boris Johnson's dad shot DEAD in suspected 'murder-suicide' in sleepy Somerset village where PM grew up"


Follow-up headline suggestion:  "Queen's fourteenth cousin twice removed's masseuse has illicit affair with Winston Churchill's, laundrymaid's, great grandson's ex-valet".


Moscow Times:  Finally, a scandal that's believable...

"Sanders Blasts Russia for Reportedly Trying to Boost His Presidential Campaign"

See, this is why the DNC really doesn't want Bernie to win:  All their Russian meddling" schtick against Trump goes right out the window.  And really, this headline allows me to let CNN in for a Cameo:


CNN:  Take 2


"How Russia is splintering America's Democracy"

Oh, because they are supporting Trump.  Oh, wait....


The Asashi Shimbun, Japan:  Come again?

"Medical staff responding to virus bullied in the workplace"

"Hey, get off, stop dogpiling me!  This is bullying!  HELP!  Boss!!!"

Hopefully, the staff will respond positively, because bullying a virus is no laughing matter.


Deutsche Welle (Germany):  So there, nyah!

"India: Taj Mahal's tombs cleaned for first time in 300 years for Donald Trump"

Note:  Barack Obama visited India twice, and got nothing but this crappy t-shirt...

NewsAU (Australia):  This is what makes in-flight intoxication bad for all of us

"Drunken mum, daughter in plane ‘riot’"

Meet 56-year-old Karin and 34-year-old Carrie Parkes.  Seems that they got their drinking privileges taken away on a flight to Morocco after calling an attendant the "C" word, and proceeded to down a bottle of Gordon's pink gin (65 proof) they had snuck aboard.  After throwing a punch at the cabin manager, he went to the flight deck and begged the captain to divert.  The captain basically told him to cinch up his boys and handle it.  By the time he returned to the cabin, it was engulfed in a brawl involving the women and "15 to 20 men".  The captain diverted.


Xinhua:  C'mon, these guys are less funny than CNN...

And finally... taking a chance here, never really tried these guys for funny...


al-Jazeera


"A Bernie Sanders presidency could be a nightmare for Saudi Arabia"


What, he's running there, too?