A to Z mash up Bible edition

 

Yes, I'm finally getting around to the mash-up, and I thought I might have a little Bible fun here.  Hopefully I won't be hit by lightning...

Aaron- Perhaps the best line in the Bible comes in Exodus 32, when Moses confronts Aaron about the golden calf: "So I said to them, ‘Let any who have gold take it off.’ So they gave it to me, and I threw it into the fire, and out came this calf.”  Poof!  Magic!

Beelzebub- Opinions differ, but the original word was supposed to mean "Lord of Heaven", but the way the Hebrews (and later Christ) pronounced it was variously "Lord of flies" or Lord of Dung".

Chedarlaomer- Hard to not laugh at a king of cheese. (Gen 14)

Dibri- We hit this one in my "Stones" series.  Grandfather of a guy who was stoned for mouthing off, had a name that roughly translates to "mouthy".  Go figure. (Lev 24)

Eglon- I don't know what's better about his story- that he was so fat, when Ehud stabbed him the blade disappeared under his fat rolls, or that Ehud got away b/c Eglon's servants thought he was taking a crap (Judges 3).

Felix- Sadly, the Bible doesn't give us a lot of F choices, so we are stuck with Felix.  He waited for 2 years for Paul to give him a bribe to get out, but got shipped back to Rome, where a cartoon cat was named after him.  

Gideon- His story is full of fun stuff, but my fave is when he snuck down to the enemy camp to spy, and 2 guards were discussing the one guys' dream- a barley loaf rolled down the hill and flattened all their tents.  His buddy says, "This is no other than the sword of Gideon the son of Joash, a man of Israel; God has given into his hand Midian and all the camp.” Gideon sneaks off, full of confidence; the dreamer says, "Gideon who?"  and his buddy says, " 'Gideon who', what?" (Judges  7)

Haman- The villain of Esther was a lot like Wile E Coyote; has to throw a celebration for a guy he tried to humiliate, then gets hung on the gallows he had made to hang the guy.  Plus, is caught sniveling on Esther's knee when her hubby, the King of Kings, comes in.

Ishboseth- After King Saul died, his son Ishboseth- a winner whose name means "man of shame"- was left to be king- as long as he was propped up by Saul's general, Abner (big Abner, not Li'l Abner...)

"Reckon ah'm too busy avoidin' Daisy Mae, anyhow..."

...but he ends up accusing Abner of noodling with his late dad's concubine, and that pretty much screwed the deal.

Jericho- I think that we needed to get Mike Holmes to inspect those walls, amIrite?

I bet these walls would tumble down during a good horn blowing...

Korah- After the Israelites had already messed up about a bazillion times, got hit with various plagues, and  begin a 40-year tour of Lovely Sinai, Korah had the nerve to rebel against Moses, using the rationale, "You have gone too far! For all in the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them. Why then do you exalt yourselves above the assembly of the LORD?”  If the Exodus was today, Moses would be saying, "Let's go to the film..."

And finally for part one...

Laban- He thought he was going to pull a fast one on Jacob by slipping him Leah instead of Rachel.  Turns out, not only did Jacob get the better deal there, but then God did several rounds of the "spotted goat switcheroo" to basically put him out of business.  And just for fun, Rachel took his household god for good measure!