Round the world

 

So when the news is so overwhelmed with one thing, and it ain't funny, it's time to take a trip 'round the world with me...

Stop #1: Anguilla

When I saw the name of the place, I said to myself, "Unless you're in San Francisco, this is a very poor choice of names for a bar..." but it wasn't a bar...

“This is the main port of entry,” Connor tells Anguilla Focus. “This is where 80 percent of people come into – so whatever you do here, you have to do it right.”

And I am like, "This is a REALLY BAD name for a main port of entry..."  Headline, please...

Coming soon: Andy’s one-stop welcome hub at Blowing Point

"OMG- Chris told this joke during 'Pride Month"...

Stop #2- Germany

What this world needs, according to a pair of German academics, is a good leader.  And they chose to make their exhibition in Trier revolve around someone who apparently is a new social media sensation...

Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius.  His Meditations, which the academics admit no one in Rome ever heard of- in fact, it's first clear mention was some 900 years after him- have gained a popularity these days, and they have taken advantage of this fact to, among other things, speak for him:

(Archaeologist Marcus) Reuter added that Marcus Aurelius would most likely have considered Donald Trump "not a good leader, and certainly not a role model."

After which he has to admit, well, there was slavery... and few civil rights... and abuse of women...but, "He was a man of his times." Thus, that's okay.

Probably best not to ask him how that open borders thing worked out for Rome...

Stop #3- Cuba

The front page of the Havana Times had a supposedly humorous (depending on the side you're on) story told the reporter by a down on his luck enologist.  Enologist?  That's what the reporter was wondering as well, and it turns out to be a fancy term for a wine connoisseur. So the story goes that this enologist and his 'colleague' were at the end of a night of enologizing, the colleague had to hit the airport, and our sad Sam had but 30 pesos left.  All heart, his buddy gave him a 100 Euro note and split.  Problem: Nobody open had change for 100 Euros.  Finally, a 'good hearted' citizen, told him he'd help out.  Taking him to a local flop house, he said, "Give me the bill, I'll be right back."  After some protests, the enologist (who claims to not have been drunk, just tired- nod nod, wink wink) gave him the bill and his savior went in the door, out the window, and soon learned the meaning of a new word- comemierda.

Not surprisingly, this means, "idiot".

Stop #4- Malawi

Well, the Malawi news, but the story is from neighboring Zimbabwe- a story of "You think YOU have bad taxes..."  Zimbabwe's government has instituted a novel tax: If you have a car with a radio, you owe a $92 "radio license fee"- or you can't get vehicle insurance.  One cheesed-off motorist commented, "Next they'll be taxing us for the air we breathe in traffic."  Needless to say, the government has two challenges here- an electorate about to put a new definition to 'road rage', and the question of how the heck they intend to enforce it...

So they gave me 10 random nation names, and these were the only four that had stories funny enough to do.  As per usual when I get stumped, I asked Grok if it had one, and so...

Final stop: Thailand

An elephant never forgets - where the snacks are stored.

A large wild elephant caught shopkeepers off guard at a convenience store in Thailand on Monday, when it lumbered into the shop in search of food.

The hungry mammal can be seen on CCTV footage entering the store and helping itself to snacks.

"Business was a bit slow that day. Around 2 p.m., the elephant just walked right up. I came out and tried to shoo it away. I told it not to come closer," shop owner Khamploi Kakaew told CNN.

"I told it, 'Go away, go on,' but it didn't listen. It was like it came on purpose."

"It went straight to the snacks, picked through them with its trunk. It ate about 10 bags of sweets - they're 35 baht ($1) each. It also ate dried bananas and peanut snacks."

The culprit is 27-year old Plai Biang Lek- and he had an accomplice waiting outside.  I tried to figure out what his name means, but Google Translate couldn't handle it.  Grok says it roughly means "Little Swerving Bull"- I guess we MIGHT say, in this case, it means, "I turn in for candy"...