NewspageGo!

Today, we're going to go to our favorite newssites and seeing how long it takes to hit a non-newsworthy headline!  Shortest trip to the non-story wins!

FoxNews:  The ink stink

Headline:  'Game of Thrones' star's tattoo was major spoiler all along

So shoot me if I'm not a GoT addict, but when your whole story is about whether a tattoo a show's star got BETWEEN SEASONS was either a "quote from the previous season" or a "finale spoiler," you- like I- may have too much time on your hands.

Place of headline: since I read left to right, and it was one of the 2 stories beneath the banner, Sophie Turner's tat gets a 3.

CNN:  And hear I thought it was about Ridin' the Storm Out

Headline:  Hearing on housing turns into confusion over Oreos and REOs

I like Ben Carson, I really do.  But those who claim he was unqualified for HUD secretary got a major win today when he was questioned by a senator about REOs : real estate owned properties, properties that fail to sell at foreclosure auctions.  Now, I can't say that I myself would have known what it was; but I would have known she wasn't talking about OREOS, which Ben apparently did.  This doesn't fit the category 'non-news' as much as 'shouldn't have been news'.

Nor do I think I would have made a twitter joke of it, either.  You might end up on Newspage Go!

Place of headline: #9.

Moscow Times: Now you see it...

Headline: Russia Has Most Protected Natural Areas in the World, WWF Says
Russia has 3.3 times more protected natural areas than previously thought.


Okay, so the gist of this story is the Russian branch of the World Wildlife Fund published a complaint in January of last year that Russia was supposed to open up such and such amount of land to natural protection, and had only created just over half the amount of new areas that they were supposed to over the year period, which itself was to celebrate the 100th anniversary of their first nature reserve.  Today, though, the WWF-Russia has suddenly discovered that they "left out" of their count "cultural heritage sites and territories of traditional use" (I'm guessing they are talking about any podunk tribal village without a 'civilized' government here), and that when you add THESE lands in, why, the land amount jumps 315%!  So now, Russia goes from being delinquent in nature preservation to the world leader- just like that.  I think the last time I did a news-type post, I mentioned that my very first copy of the Guinness Book of World Records way back when noted that the Russians had also claimed to invent beer and baseball.  Now, they can invent nature preserves as well.

Headline place: #12.


BBC:  AI meets #Metoo

Headline:  'Alexa, Are You Perpetuating Bias?'

Let me allow the BBC to explain this one...

AI-powered voice assistants with female voices are perpetuating harmful gender biases, according to a UN study.

These female helpers are portrayed as "obliging and eager to please", reinforcing the idea that women are "subservient", it finds.

Particularly worrying, it says, is how they often give "deflecting, lacklustre or apologetic responses" to insults.

Like maybe it should be more like, "Alex, what's the square root of 243?"

 Alex: "Use a calculator for once, mouth-breathing moron..."

There you go: male and non-subservient...

Headline place:  #8



Xinhua: Or as we like to call it, 'The Xi Chronicles"...

Headline:  Xi stresses military personnel education for strong armed forces

I have long wanted to make the point that Xinhua usually starts every day with at least three or four articles of the nature of, "Xi congratulated Numbnutistan on recent election", "Xi toured workers' vegetable garden", Xi rescued cat from tree", etc.  This was my opportunity.  The strikingly newsworthy headline concept was matched by the amazingly insightful pull quote that came with it:

Military education should meet the requirements of combat, the needs of the armed forces and the demands of future missions, said Xi, also general secretary of the Communist Party of China Central Committee and chairman of the Central Military Commission.

Wow, the man's amazing.

Headline place:  The LEAD!  We may have a winner here...


Japan Times:  Youngest NewspageGo! player, too...

Headline: 10-year-old Japanese go professional debuts on international stage

Sumire Nakamura is a real cutie.  And she's a pro at the game of Go, which means she would probably beat me 500 times before I ever figured out what I was doing.  She lost her opening match in Beijing, which drew a large TV audience in China (possibly because the other channels were covering Xi saving the whales).  And now, she becomes the youngest international victim of NewspageGo!

Headline place: #6.


Deutsche Welle:  Wait, where did Oettinger Brewing place?

Headline:  Fire department tops German survey

So they did a survey in Germany to rank which institution was "most contributing to the public good", and firefighters topped the list, followed by 'Technisches Hilfswerk' (BTH) (think FEMA or the National Guard), the German Red Cross, the police, and the constitutional courts.  Hugging the bottom were cigarette company Marlboro, football organizations FIFA and UEFA, the tabloid Bild, Deutsche Bank and social media giants Twitter and Facebook.  The Catholic Church took a beating as well, though religious based charities fared better. 


Sadly, I saw no breweries on the list.  But, IKEA was #55, Microsoft #81, IBM #86, Disney #91, UPS #107, Coke #121, McDonalds #124, and Starbucks #127 out of 137...


Headline place: #6


News.AU (Australia):  Right there next to Waldo...


This one needs no further comment...

Headline:  Spot Kate and the Queen in this photo

Headline place:  #1 on the world page...


And the winner:  Australia!!!

The tie at #1 broken by the sheer stupidity of the banner...  Congrats, News.Au!