Martin World News

Well, once again, I've talked myself out of a rant that was going to take on why I might vote for a seemingly unprepared candidate for Mayor, and tie it into the stupidity experienced when discussing politics with someone whose only interest is talking points about their position.  But I finally decided that doing that was talking music to the deaf, and instead, let's find the dumbest story on our usual front pages.


1- Fox News- not sure this was covered in, "because it was there"

Headline: "UK man dies after getting stuck on top of 290-foot smokestack, police say"

Dude was spotted hanging upside down at the top of the stack's ladder around 2 in the morning, and despite using choppers, drones, and cherry pickers, they managed to bumble and bungle until his now-deceased body closing on 5 in the afternoon.  "The rescue effort was described as “highly complex,” police said."  I notice no mention of "skilled climbers were sent up the ladder to try and assist", for some reason (even though "Specialist firefighters trained to work at extreme heights" were deployed, apparently only to ride the cherry picker.).  "It was unclear how or why the man reached the top. The chimney appears to have a ladder running up its side."  I'm glad the article mentioned that, or else I'd be asking why the guy didn't just use his jet pack to get down...


Police have launched an investigation into how and why the man climbed the chimney."


2- BBC News- Now Trump should have given THAT to Nancy Pelosi


Headline: "Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi: IS leader's underwear 'stolen' for DNA test"

So for all of you wanting to know what dynamic contribution the Kurds made to the finish of that "austere religious scholar", we now know:  Their spy stole his underwear, so that they could prove by DNA that we was indeed al-Baghdadi.  Senior DNA analyst Melvin Lintpicker said, "It's either him, or an anthropomorphic sheep."

(Note to the Divine Zook and Adam Schiff:  THAT was parody.)


3- Deutsche Welle (Germany)- The buffet in the casket was the first clue

Headline: "'Hash cakes' served in error at German funeral"

Okay, this one takes a little bit of doing.  In Germany, it is customary (says the story) to adjourn after burial of your loved ones for cake and coffee at a nearby restaurant.  The restaurant in question has an employee who is in charge of baking these cakes.  She for whatever reason asked her daughter to make the cakes, which she did.  However, she failed to inform mama that one cake was "special", and not intended for the funeral.  Not knowing any better, mama took ALL the cakes to the restaurant, where apparently several of the mourners didn't quite enjoy it as much as the daughter would have.  Of course, now the daughter is enjoying, "13 charges of negligence and bodily injury as well as disturbing a funeral and violating Germany's narcotics law.".

I hope I can get her to do mine...


4- Moscow Times- It might have been all those 1-900 numbers...


Headline: "Russian Eagle Racks Up Hefty Phone Bills With Iran Flights"

And these guys are scientists, right?  They have a tracker that they put on eagles they study that relays their whereabouts by SMS texts.  Usually they have a good idea where the birds will go and budget accordingly.  Well, this one flew into Kazakhstan, where there is NO signal.  It spent the summer there, then flew into Iran- where not only IS there a signal, but the price per message is 26X higher!  Thus, what might have cost a few hundred rubles became a few thousand, and just like that, the budget flew away.