MWN: The dumbest thing on...

Today, I thought we'd play, "What's the stupidest thing on the front page?"  And I was beginning to desp[air, because as I usually start on Fox News, I saw headlines in our political and media world that, while certainly fit the bill, I cannot say I find funny.  I see no humor in changing the structure of the SCOTUS because you can't push your BS through anymore (Nor did I when it was FDR or Nixon threatening it); I see nothing funny in guests on MSM talk shows who ask the nation to "destroy" people who don't agree with him; and I see nothing funny in hackers extorting money for semi-nude photos, or anything else.  But then, I DID see something genuinely funny, so let's start our adventure there!


Fox News- Gravity-Challenged edition


Let me introduce to you adventurous French MP Eric Woerth:

Apparently climbing a steep alpine wall, captioned, "Always on the front foot."  But wait....

WHY is his bright orange zipper dangling TOWARDS the wall... and....

...is this Spider-Man and Mary-Jane apparently walking straight down without equipment?  Messr. Woerth, methinks thou art a fibber....


CNN- no, YOU snort it

Georgia Southern QB Shai Wertz was pulled over by South Carolina police for speeding.  After they stopped him, they noticed a "white substance" on the HOOD OF HIS CAR- which is where I would be snorting cocaine were I running from the cops.  The cops believed it was cocaine- field tested it and still said it was cocaine.  But really... here, let's go to the video still...

"... substance on Shai Wertz's car turned out to be bird poop."  They had to throw him in jail, impound the car, and charge him, before someone figured out that it MIGHT just make more sense that it was indeed bird poop.  Now here you might just have a racism lawsuit, my friends...


BBC- Raked by the rake


Sometimes, the story is better in THEIR words.  For example:


Bradford hooker George Flanagan has been banned for eight games for a Grade F "attack to the testicles" in his side's Championship loss to Toronto on 4 August.

At the independent tribunal hearing, the 32-year-old was deemed to have made contact with Toronto full-back Hakim Miloudi while making a tackle.

Flanagan has also been fined £250 and will miss the rest of the season.

In addition, the ex-Hunslet player will miss the opening five games next term.


Several things caught my notice here.  Let me look at them one at a time.

"Hooker".  It's a forward position on a rugby team (ah, say you, that's what game was allegedly being played).  Also known as the "rake."  I'm thinking this might have been a good time to use rake, because "Hooker attacks player's testicles" puts quite the different spin on things.

"Attack to the testicles".  That goes without saying, so I won't say it.

"Grade F".  What does F stand for?  Flagrant? Fresh? Another word that would be way too politically correct for even me?  Actually, it's just the worst on an A through F scale.


Moscow Times- Just don't say it as often


One nice thing about the MT, they aren't a propaganda page.  For instance:

Russia Dodges Bad Data With Less Frequent Publications
At least three state-backed agencies started publishing data less frequently when it reflected a poor economy and lagging public opinion.

Which, to the Kremlin, is apparently the solution.  Here's one of the ways cutting back the publishing of data can creatively help...


VTsIOM, Russia’s state-funded pollster, was spotted late last week switching from weekly to monthly publications of President Vladimir Putin’s trust ratings. The most recent weekly data showed public trust in the Russian leader hovering at 13-year lows. 

In May, VTsIOM changed its trust ratings methodology when confronted by the Kremlin over the 13-year lows. The makeover resulted in Putin’s trust ratings more than doubling.


Pretty much the way Harris and Quinnipiac do it...