AHEM, Yes, this is Horace Bellbottom representing your host, Christopher Martin. He is indisposed, due to, shall we say, habens partem misericordia, and has asked me to step in as he doesn't feel he could put forth his best effort. In perusing the date of our arrival, that being July 19th, 1955, once again we are finding no noteworthy events; however, I was quite excited by yesterday's commencement of the Geneva Summit....
|"Darn, ya old stick-in-the-mud, you coulda told 'em that Disneyland opened yesterday..."|
E: It's a stat-pack, man...
The use of this heathen music and long hair by you younger fellows does not preclude the necessity of good grammar! Finally, Mr Alan O'Day will be with us- and he will be dropping in to do the greatest hits of the summers of the 1970's, as it would have been unkind to show him the door after only this microscopic Panel list. Mr Presley, would you like to handle the "pithy saying at the end of the teaser"?
E: Are you kiddin'? This'd be like doing stand up after your mom's eulogy! Just play the first song...
Very well. Now, Mr Martin has a statement he'd like me to read vis-a-vis the debuts on the M10 chart. As follows:
This was the week I felt it time to drop King Leg's monster hit Seeing You Tonight from the chart. As I also had another song dropping out, that meant I needed 2 debuts. Well, I let the well run a little dry, and there were only three good candidates in the shuffle. My first choice has a video that, typical for this band, is awfully reminiscent of an orgy, and the other choice video-wise was a lyric video that would prominently place an f-bomb at the beginning, so I said, no way. The next choice was fine and dandy until I googled the band's name to learn more about them, and the word 'allegations' came up. So I went to a news story and found that at least one band member- which they fired- and possibly more, had used knockout drops on young ladies attending their concert. Mind you this was no heavy metal band, in fact they sounded a lot like former M10ers courtship. And they were not alone in their crimes- apparently this is a thing going on in the Austin, TX, music scene.
So after firing them, I went to the last choice I felt good about in the shuffle- no video, no way to share it with you, the audience. Thus began a frantic 2-night search for something good enough to take the spots- and I finally found a couple I really liked. And you get the benefit of my diligence with a couple of pretty good tunes! Enjoy, CWM
E: Man, he's as windy as you, Bellbottom! Let me play this here song. It's by a little cutie name of Lili Trifilio, but she goes by the handle of Beach Bunny. She's spinnin' at #10 this week with this hot hit:
All right, then, we next welcome Mr Alan O'Day to our show...
A: Glad to meet you, Mr Bellbottom!
E: You won't be...
Ahem, It is a pleasure, sir. Now, you received this honor for winning last week's vote with Undercover Angel, which sounds frankly a bit risque to me, but the tastes of the times, I suppose...
A: Ummm... yeah, I guess...
At any rate, we have magically brought you back here to 1955, but alas, the Panel is a bit on the small side. With only four stations- all of them, it seems, from the Pittsburgh, PA, area- our host combined them with the Cashbox and Billboard most sold lists, and we end up with but four songs and 9 total votes.
A: So everyone's a finalist!
Just so! Also, you won't be able to give away their positions on the national chart, as those charts are PART of the vote. So, before going on to the Panel itself, I am instructed to let you handle the listing of the biggest hits for this week...
A: Got it. Okay, friends, here's where the fun starts! We have the biggest hits of the summers of the 70's coming at you, and you get to check out 22 of 'em! Here's the first seven:
22- Kicking off with one right from the start in 1970, The Carpenters and (They Long To Be) Close To You.
19- we have a three way tie, kids! From 1971 we have the Bee Gees and How Can You Mend A Broken Heart; from 1972, Looking Glass and Brandy (You're A Fine Girl), and from 1976, the Manhattans and Kiss And Say Goodbye.
Then, we have a two-song tie at #17! Those two would be Elton John and Kiki Dee with 1976's Don't Go Breakin' My Heart, and the Emotions from 1977 with- whoa whoa, you get the Best Of My Love.
Finally for this first part, at #16 you get the Commodores with 1978's one, two, Three Times A Lady! Back to you, HB!
Er, yes, thank you. Next is time to have you introduced to the Panel contestants. Mr O'Day?
A: Call me Alan, buddy!
I think not. I have a certain dignity to uphold.
A: Whatever, dude! So here are your four choices:
The Chairman of the Board, Ol' Blue Eyes, Frank Sinatra was Learnin' The Blues...
The dark horse in the race, Julius La Rosa and Domani- what a cool tune that was!
No surprise here, Bill Haley and his Comets with Rock Around The Clock is contestant #3...
And finally, how about Somethin' Smith and the Redheads with It's A Sin To Tell A Lie. Guess they really did have red heads! HB?
Yes, please make your educated guesses from those four songs, and we will announce the winner, and next week's President of Time Machine, at the end of our program. And now, Mr O'Day will continue the special list...
A: Yes sir, we are climbing the charts of the best of the summers of the 70's! And we pick up where we left off with a tie for 14th, between the Bee Gees- for a second time- with 1975's Jive Talkin', and Swanky Frankie Valli with Grease, the word in '78.
Another of the Brothers Gibb, little Andy, makes #13 with I Just Wanna Be Your Everything.
Gilbert O'Sullivan claims the 12th spot with Alone Again Naturally.
And now we're gonna cheat just a bit and give you all four of the 4-way tie for the #8 post!
First, we have a Paul McCartney and Wings twofer- 1973's My Love, and 1976's Silly Love Songs.
Then we got the Rolling Stones with their best hit ever, Miss You, from '78.
And finally, from the heart of disco in '79 we get Donna Summer and Hot Stuff! And HB thought Undercover Angel was racy!
Well, it certainly doesn't make your song any less 'racy' to compare it to one even worse than itself. Frankly, I think we could do a lot worse than to have a post featuring the great hymns of the age.
|"That'll drive the fans away faster than my bologna casserole!"|
E: Well, yeah, but this is kind of a rock'n'roll thing, you know what I mean?
Not really... but our employer does, so I shall bear with. Now, it is time for me to do the statistical package...
E: STAT PACK!
And we start that out with the "6D victim" for which our host did NOT prepare a story, Unchained Melody by Les Baxter and his orchestra and chorus.
E: What, you can't do one on the fly, like Chris does?
I would never presume. Now the largest gain in the standings goes to Eddie Arnold and Hugo Winterhalter's Orchestra with, The Cattle Call, moving from 29 to #20. In the United Kingdom, the #1 song was Miss Alma Cogan with Dreamboat. Mr Martin would like to point out that, as he wasn't born yet, he couldn't know what song he would have put at #1, but mentions that of the entire Cashbox top 50, prior to Time Machine he knew only the following four: Panel contestants Learning The Blues and Rock Around The Clock, along with Pat Boone's Ain't That A Shame and Bill Hayes with The Ballad Of Davy Crockett, and he would choose the last one from that list as his favorite.
E: Aren't you gonna mention where they were on the charts?
No, I have no wish to effect the voting. I can tell you, though that Mr Boone was at #13 on the Cashbox list, and Mr Hayes was at #11, as they are not in the voting.
A: Hey, this here's the big A, O'Day, with all but the very tippy top of the list of summers 70's!
1979 claims #7 with Sister Sledge and We Are Fam-il-eee!
Yours truly claims the #6 spot with that risque song, Undercover Angel. So there, HB!
Gerry Rafferty and Baker Street from 1978 is in at #5.
Then it's another disco duo- at #4 we get Anita Ward's Ring My Bell from '79, and at #3 it's Ms Summer again with Bad Girls, also from the very last year on the list.
My predecessors at POTM, Starland Vocal Band, take the #2 slot with 1976's Afternoon Delight.
And that's it for me! All yours, Horace baby!
"Baby", indeed. The cheek of... ah, well, that is how it goes in times like these, I imagine. Next up is the second debut, coming in at #9. This is a band that first hit the chart in mid-August 2016, with their song that made a peak position of #6, called My Love. Presenting to you, this is M.A.G.S.:
Good Heavens! Er, I mean, Mr. Presley, might you step in and do the top ten, please, I need a glass of water...
E: Sure ya do, Bellbottom! So you heard 10 and 9, here's the rest:
Frankie Cosmos and Windows, up one to #8.
Alka... Al... the Russkies, with Ribbon In The Wind, at 7 and holdin'...
Silversun Pickups an' Simpatico up 2 to #6...
Foster The People and Imagination, stuck at 5...
King Leg 'n Running Scared up a pair to #4...
An' the top three hold- Maybird Keep In Line at 3, Agnes Obel and Riverside 2, an' the seventh song to make four weeks at the top...
...ELO an' Mama at #1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You up to it yet, buddy?
Yes, yes, I'll be all right. Is it hot in here? Anyway, the top song of the summers of the 1970's belongs to...
...Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta with You're The One That I Want!
And finally, the Panel race: Somethin' Smith, with one vote, was at #9 on Billboard and #12 on Cashbox;
Domani, with one vote, was #15 BB and #28 CB;
Learnin' The Blues, with 3 votes, was #3 on both charts;
And so the winner, with the remaining four votes, the #1 on both charts...
...Bill Haley and his Comets and Rock Around The Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yowzah!
E: 'Yowzah'? Bellbottom, you don't sound right. Are you okay?
Yes, but I'm NOT Horace Bellbottom! Actually, I'm....
R: Yeah, and even as a stuffy lawyer, I get no respect! Be back next week with Chris and 1956!