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What is it about nice people that attract total idiots?Nice people are martyrs. Idiots are evangelists.


Sunday, May 24, 2015

The annual trip to Cleveland

For baseball, silly!  Anyway, here's the trip in a nutshell.

Shortly before leaving US 24 for the toll road, KC pointed out a driver who had had a turn signal on for several miles.

I noted that he was having an extreme hard time staying in his lane.  At first KC was going to hang back, but soon decided to pass him.  Turned out to be some kid, possibly under the influence, definitely singing his fool head off rather than driving, and as we passed, he again drifted and darn near bounced off our rear end.

If you remember our second annual birthday game, you'll remember the delightful story of Howard the Drunk.  We quickly decided this kid was Howard's son, and christened him Howie the Stoner.

Moments later, I and KC asked each other simultaneously, "Did you see that road sign?"  What road sign?  Well, we weren't the only ones to question it because it's available on the internet under "unfortunate names":

"WHO names a road fang boner?" I asked.
KCs friend Jessica says, "You would."
My response:

Jessica preparing to pound KC for pointing at her as he sang I Fought The Law.

At one point we decided to play "Grocery Store."  You know, "I went to the grocery store and I bought (something that starts with a, then b, and so on)".  So Jessica starts with apples.  I added bananas.  KC, of course, added condoms.  Jessica added Dog food, I threw in Ex-Lax, KC put in french fries, and Jessica put in grapes.  Stumped, I said, "Health care manuals".  KC grumbled and tried, but ended up saying, "Health Indexes," and got buzzed.  Jessica then left out Ex-Lax, and I won, and promptly retired.

Because you wouldn't want to open them in heavy traffic.
In Cleveland, they call this construction debris.  In Ft Wayne, they call it modern art.

The dude pictured above came up to a group of us waiting for the cops to wave us across the street.  Holding a wad of bills, jabbering semi-incoherently, he preached to us for a bit, crossed against the cop, kissed (literally) the hood of a car that had to stop for him, and wandered off on his merry way into whatever reality he inhabited.

 KC wanted us to pick who would hit home runs today.  I chose Nick Swisher.  As evidence the broccoli gods were with me, I pointed out this couple and said he'd hit two.  (Final result?  No hrs today.)

As we entered the stadium right at the point they were making pre-game celebrity intros, we didn't get the "free replica jersey to the first 10,000 fans."  In fact, we were told we missed them by an hour.

Cory Kluber, the Indians' pitcher.

Brandon Moss, former A's now with the Tribe.

Carlos Santana eyeing Brandon Phillips after he reached first.

Kluber's first SIXTEEN pitches were strikes.

Brayan Pena after doubling, bringing Jay Bruce to third...

...where he scored from on a Cozart single.  I told the lady behind me, "Well, we can go home now, the Reds are done scoring."  That prediction I got right.

Nick Swisher prepares to hit his first non-home run.

The weatherman, AKA Mr. Irrelevant.  Not a cloud for 500 miles.

Joey Votto doubles... but that was it.

DeScalfani had a no-hitter for three innings and one batter.

And there's Carlos Santana after breaking it up with a double in the 4th.

My first ever Genesee!  Not bad at all, but the harbinger of several future bad ideas.

And I just had to say something about Harry Corvairs.  Who ever heard of a hairy car?

 Here we see the brain trust gathered after DeScalfani gave up the tying run.  Some numbnuts right fielder named Brennan Boesch dropped an easy fly to set up the score, and became the target of every fan in the arena, whether Indians or Reds.  It was only later that we learned that this wasn't manager Brian Price coming to the mound- he'd been ejected pre-game for arguing with the second base ump about last night's game when he turned in the line up card.

Here's Billy Hamilton demonstrating once again, kids:  NEVER SLIDE HEAD FIRST!!!

QuickenLoans arena shooting chemtrails into the atmosphere, causing the 3 hour rain delay in Denver for the Rockies-Giants doubleheader.

Here's Nicky's third non-home run.

Fortunately, Price found another way to attend the game.

"And now, replacing Brennan Boesch in right field for Cincinnati... Seagull!"

Last stand for the Reds... a leadoff runner thrown out at second, game over.

So away we went, and I suggested, as I wasn't driving, we stop somewhere to get me some carry  out beer.  Problem #1- where you can drive two minutes in any direction in Ft Wayne and find a convenience store with a license or a liquor store, we drove around Cleveland for a half hour without spotting one.  So I told KC, just head on home.  He stopped for gas and says, "I have some beer in my cooler.  Do you want to get some ice?"

So off we go, and about ten, I realized the flaw in my plan is that we were crossing Ohio on the toll road and I would have to pee.  By the time we hit US 24, I was working on the end of beer #3, and about ready to shoot pee out my nose.  So around 11 PM we hit the Fallen Timbers Mall.  There was a Red Robin- at the far end of the mall, of course- and KC decided to circle around the restaurant to park.  Some fast walking later, I was relieved, and we proceeded.  And about 10 minutes from home, we repeated the process, complicated by a stop light that refused to change , to which Jessica and KC suggested that Siri (actually a Garvin) had patched into the stop light system to get revenge for all the nasty things we said about her.

And I said," I'm giving it 15 seconds and then I'm getting out and heading for the field."

12 seconds later...

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Friday trip to the park

With a baseball trip planned for Saturday, I decided to give Scrappy two day's worth of walk: a trip to Shoaff park.

A BEEE-yutiful day for it!

Once we got there (half hour from door to entrance) I found a great spot to chill out- as if I could get Scrappy to do so.

"Scrappy, I have clean water in the canteen!"
"I got this, Dad!"

Of course, we didn't notice the nearby dead squirrel at first...

Or the mysetrious creature bubbling in the water just feet away.

We did meet another beagle!  This is Hunter.

My favorite little bitty waterfalls...

 The ripples you see there were from big tadpoles.  Now I should tell you something about me and tadpoles.  I saw some in a puddle when I was little, and never saw any that weren't in an aquarium for about 50 years- till this spring.  And the one I did get a look at here was enormous- Imagine something about the size of two golf balls- no legs yet- and a 2 1/2 inch tail.  I had a good shot at a pic, but was so stunned I stood there with mouth open and camera in hand and watched him swim off.

Now let me tell you something about squirrels.  Shoaff park is the world capital of squirrels.  You normally couldn't throw a rock without hitting six of them.  But we only saw one this trip, and a scrawny one at that.  But, at least he posed.