MWN: Newspage go!

Today, we're going to do a bit of a spin on the ol' Newspage Go! format.  I'm picking two headlines that seem to be at cross purposes with each other.  I don't know that these won't be a bit of a stretch... but hopefully they'll be amusing, informative, and maybe give me something to vent about after a day that I spent listening to people vent...


Couple #1:  Fox News

First headline:  Kavanaugh slams church treatment as court nixes religious liberty case
Second headline: Dems introduce resolution condemning anti-Semitic remarks amid Omar scandal

Put it in perspective:  The first story involves a pissed-off Supreme Court Justice who is mad that the "supposedly more conservative" SCOTUS declined to hear a case involving what he called "pure discrimination against religion".  While the other involves the Liberal side of the fence actually looking to censure one of their own for hate-speech.  In the meantime, Cornwallis' band played, "The World Turned Upside-Down".


Couple #2: BBC

First headline: Chechnya gets women-only taxis
Second headline:  Turkmen police stop women drivers

Put it in perspective: The first story shows the Islamic faith "trying to be progressive"- the UAE is footing the bill for a "by women-for women" taxi service, saying it will be "suitable for transporting women passengers in terms of religious standards and traditions".  In the second, Turkmen cops are pulling over women at all the busiest intersections, " and searching their cars for any reason to take them off the road, according to Chronicles of Turkmenistan, a prominent opposition news site."  So I guess Allah is a bit conflicted over women's transportation, as well.  I begin to think the best thing we could do for the Muslim world is to get Allah a wife- and the requisite mother-in-law.


Couple #3:  Moscow Times

First headline:  Muscovites Warned: Carry Umbrellas to Fend Off Crow Attacks
Second headline:  A Day to Consider Russian Cats

Don't you just love when your plan needs no further elucidation?

"Couple #4":  Xinhua

Experts at efficiency, China manages to combine both elements into one headline:

Commentary: Sprinting toward a moderately prosperous society

"Sprinting" towards "moderate" prosperity.  If you are sprinting, shouldn't you be aiming a bit higher?  Maybe they should have used jogging...   or lumbering...


Couple #5:  Australia's News.comAU

And now, for the extremes of each:

First headline:  Toxic wife banished after exposing lies
Second headline: Pig farmer chained, raped woman


This would definitely be a match made on CraigsList....


Couple #6:  Japan Times

Now here comes a real stretch-

First headline:  Public will be invited to greet Japan's new Imperial Couple on May 4, earlier than planned
Second headline: Who's been sleeping in my bed? An unexpected guest



Wow, that really IS too early, huh?


Couple #7:  Deutsche Welle

This one is a real fairly tale match-up, which might not be amusing on the surface, but there is a picture involved, so...

First headline: Facial recognition software for pigs in China — 'I want to see the scientific evidence'
Second headline:  German environment minister Schulze takes aim at wolves

Because you need the pig facial recognition to give them added security against wolves?  Anyway, the best part I thought was the picture that came with the wolf story:

It looks to me like Schulze isn't the only one taking aim...