Chris's candidate debate

So a post by a FB buddy the other day led Laurie to ask me, "Who else IS running for President?"  Well, it seems that there are over 1,100 people registered with the FEC in the 2020 general, but we can winnow it down to a more manageable list for our purposes.  Here are the candidates, their parties, and the approximate chances of my voting for one of them:

The zero-percent club

You have no chance of me voting for these people, even with all other candidates assassinated and a gun to my head (which, with their affiliations, isn't as far fetched as all that):

Gloria De Riva, Party for Socialism and Liberation and Peace and Freedom Party
Gloria thinks a 30 hour work week combined with a basic income guarantee from the government is workable, and her parties believe in a socialist revolution (PSL) and democracy (PFP) which leads me to believe they might be a bit confused.

Jerome Segal, Bread and Roses Party
The party is 'socialistic' (which means they are socialist but don't want the stigma), utopian (which means they want a better world without the bill), and Anti-Trump (and thus won't run in a swing state where they'd screw the Dem nominee).  Segal himself is a Jewish activist who wants to be a force for those who support Jews without supporting Israel, more or less.

Jeff Mackler, Socialist Action Party; Joseph Kishore, Socialist Equality Party; Alyson Kennedy, Socialist Workers Party.
  The first two are "Trotskyite socialists" (basically, "I'm a Commie, but don't say nothing or some Stalinist will shoot me"), and Alyson's party is basically the Communist Party (but don't call us that, the stigma and all").  Mackler at least has a firmer grip on economic reality than De Rivera above, as he combines a $15 minimum wage with a 100% tax on anything over $150K (or $200 K, depending on the audience).

Howie Hawkins, Socialist Party USA. 
He gets his own entry only because he's also the founder of the Green Party, and as such is running for the still-contested Green Party nomination.  Of course, this makes our boy a Green New Dealer.

The also-receiving votes club

Phil Collins, Prohibition Party
That's right, Prohibition Party, the third oldest party in the nation- and you know what THEIR goal is.  Vote chances: >1%

Charlie Kam, Transhumanist Party. 
I marked this in my notes as the 'cyborg' party, as they believe in studying "the technological enhancement of human life".  Kam, the CEO of a software outfit that makes "lifelike avatars of humans" (isn't the point of an avatar to be a cartoonish representation?), was actually the VP nominee, but the main guy left the party because his stance as a 'transhumanist progressive' made him leave the party to try an inflict himself on the TBD Reform Party race.  I tried for ten minutes to understand the difference ( I guess it had something to do with THs wanting you to be focused on TH issues first and foremost, while THP lets you be distracted by other PC and SJW garbage) and basically failed.  I give them a 2% chance for the entertainment value.

Mark Charles, independent
Mark is half Navajo and half Dutch, which is a combo good for one point in and of itself.  He seems like a decent sort, so I'll bump him up to 3%.  Not surprisingly, Native American rights are his bag.

Rocky De La Fuente, Alliance Party
Rocky has ran for offices as a Republican, a Democrat, a Libertarian, and several other parties on today's list.  Wouldja believe he's a car dealer, son of a car dealer?  He's also under the watchful eye of the FDIC for liberties taken with his pet bank.  His party du jour is basically a combination of about 10 other parties you never heard of, so he's the perfect candidate for them- a guy who you can't tell what he stands for for a party who God knows what THEY stand for.  5% for entertainment value.  Swing me that sweet deal on a new Chevy and we'll talk more...

Jo Jorgenson, Libertarian Party.

Everybody likes to tout these guys for the "next big thing", but you need more than the catchy "All your freedoms, all of the time" slogan.  Her big campaign points seem to be: pardoning the victimless crime criminals (prove there's no victim and we'll talk), abolishing drug laws (because that worked so well in Mexico), cut all US aid, bring all troops home (because Munich 1938 worked so well), and nuclear plants as a major energy source (because Chernobyl, etc etc).  I'll give them 5% also for their amazing ability to get people to believe they have something of value to vote for.

The 'serious contenders'

Rudy Reyes, the Legalize Marijuana Now Party
Hear me out here!  Rudy is an archaeologist, a hero who received burns over 70% of his body saving people fro,m California's 2003 wildfires (and now an advocate for burn victims), and a contestant on one of the seasons of Master Chef.  As for his party, well, think of the debates he and Phil Collins from the Prohibition Party could have! 10%.

Brian Carroll, American Solidarity Party
Brian is a HS teacher, and his party is basically the equivalent of the Christian Democrat parties in Europe- center right economically, center-left socially.  They espouse a "Consistent life ethic"- no abortions, no euthanasia, no capital punishment.  15%.

Bill Hammons, Unity Party
They are the 'economic constitutionalists'- balanced budget, no income tax (but a health care deduction if we must), and of course term limits.  Kinda like Libertarians with some common sense.  20%.

Don Blankenship, Constitution Party
Now these guys I like.  First thing on their platform- they are a Christian party.  Second thing, they believe in the Constitution (Hence the name).  Blankenship is a coal company CEO working with Trump to get rid of the coal regulations (thanks, Obama) that are crippling the already wobbly West Virginia economy.  Voting chance: 50% for now, but with an eye to looking more there.